A man with two left feet enters a shoe shop

He asks: "Excuse me, do you have flip flips?"

Why did the robot go to the shoe shop?

To get rebooted

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$300” – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.

The store manager said h...

At a shoe shop, a teenage centipede said to his Mum

Remember Mum, no shoelace please...

I was in a shoe shop today trying out a new pair of sneakers

I said to the assistant, ‘It’s too tight’.

She said, ‘Try it with the tongue out.’

I said, ‘It’th nho ghood, it’th thtill thoo thigh!’

I asked the guy in the shoe shop if they sold any running shoes.

He said, "No, they're all stationary."

I had expected that being asked to produce shoes for the Vatican would improve business at my Dublin shoe shop...

...but we've had nothing but trouble since changing our sign to say COBBLERS TO THE POPE

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As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

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A guy came into my shoe shop today

He said, "I'd like a pair of red shoes please."

"Certainly sir," I replied. "What size?"

"Size 40."

Fucking clown.

I was in the shoe shop getting my feet measured.

"Hmm," she said, "I'd say you're a 5 and a half...possibly a 6."

I said, "Shut up, you aren't too good looking yourself!"

There was a devastating fire in my shoe shop.

So many lost Soles.

A woman went to a shoe shop...

And took her son with her.

She chose a high heel, but her son cried telling her to choose a regular one.

The shopkeeper told him: "Stop whining, your mom is going to wear it, not you."

But the child said: "That's true, but my mom is beating ME with it, not you."

Did you hear about the girl so in love, she’d rather blow her boyfriend than go out shoe shopping?

Talk about head over heels!

What's another name for shoe shopping?

Sole searching.

Why did Achilles go shoe shopping?

Because heels are his only weakness

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So this lady goes shoe shopping one day...

She goes out wearing a skirt and no panties and goes to the shoe store. She asks the salesman to help her. He gets the shoes that she wants to try on and slips them on her foot. He notices that she is not wearing any underwear. He doesn't say anything.

After about the sixth pair of shoes, he ...

In his grandfather's overcoat pocket, a man finds a ticket for shoes left for repair in 1955

A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90.
In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955.
In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see t...

It is really sad what is happening to the local businesses around our town.

The bra manufacturer has gone bust;
the specialist in submersibles has gone under;
the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation;
a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers;
the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded;
the Heinz factory has be...

Customer service

A man returns to his home town in Russia after 30 years. He sees a shoe shop that he remembers from his time living there and goes in. He tells the owner "I remember this shop. I left a pair of shoes here for repair 30 years ago before escaping to the West." The owner says "Yes, I remember you. Wait...

I always say it's not the size that matters.

Probably why I lost my job at the shoe shop.

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David and the voice.

David was working in his shoe shop one day when he heard a voice whisper out to him, "Sell your shop".

He ignored it contributing it to the old building. The next week he heard it again. "Sell your shop," the voice whispered. He continued to ignore it until the voice was speaking to him every...

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A homeless guy stopped me and demanded I give him £5 for some new shoes.

So I gave him £5 and followed him to see if he got new shoes. He turned down one road, picking up the pace, the end of his baggy jeans scuffing the pavement. He took a sharp left turn down an alleyway, down which I pursued him for some three or four minutes at a safe distance of around three hundred...

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A little girl goes shopping with her dad

After the shoe shop, and the cake shop, she goes into the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber's chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gon...

Offside rule for women

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

I...

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The Jew at Confession

One day, a Jewish shoemaker walked in to a Catholic Confession and sat down. The priest asked, "Son, what sin has brought you here?" The Jewish man told the priest the story of how a beautiful nineteen year old woman had walked into his shoe shop. They struck up a conversation and ended up having se...

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You know what they say about guys with big feet?

They say that shoe shopping is a horrible ordeal for us, and you wouldn't believe how accurate that statement is. I looked through 7 different stores to find a pair that fit me. Thank god that one is still in business, I've worn the same model for 5 years now because they're the only ones that fit. ...

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Neutral

A woman goes shoe shopping and discovers that all of the mainstream brands are out of stock. She yells and complains to the manager until a customer throws an orange at her.

At this, the woman miraculously calms down and immediately leaves the store. Dumbfounded, the manager asks the custome...

Free shoes

A very beautiful brunette with long hair, long legs and a petite figure decided to go shopping for shoes. Her friends warned her that the old, lonely man who worked at the shoe-store would try to look up her skirt to see her panties.

She really wanted a pair of shoes but was dismayed that the...

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