UPJOKE
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This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men

We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing

Hollywood is such a fake industry

Just a bunch of paid actors

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I don't remember much about the films I made working in the Japanese porn industry

It was all a blur.

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A lawyer serves the porn industry

He only works pro-boner.

What do you have if you are unable to remove a paperweight from your pile of timber industry investment certificates?

A stuck stack of stick stocks.

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

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The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# POST REMOVED

# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

In Soviet Russia, the government regulates the pharmaceutical industry.

In America, the pharmaceutical industry regulates the government.

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If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human...

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What do you call a secret cabal of strippers who surreptitiously control the adult entertainment industry?

The Illumi-naughty

Canada could have had it all: American industry, British Culture, and French Cuisine.

Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine

How A/C was invented

The four Goldberg brothers - Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell - invent vehicle air conditioning. But they have a hard time marketing it.

Well, on one 97-degree Detroit summer day, the four brothers walk into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talk his secretary into telling him that four...

I had to leave the granite industry

It was counter productive

Did you hear about the expose on the ammunition industry?

Yeah, it won a Bulletzer prize and everything!

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What do you call a fat European knight who works in the porn industry?

Sir Cum France

The joke industry has been hit particularly hard by Covid

Nobody has walked into a bar in months.

Why are do many audiophiles work in the canning industry?

Because they can tuna fish.

How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that's plaguing the donut industry?

Cut out the middle, man.

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn’t believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

What begins with "p", ends with "orn" and is popular in the movie industry?

Popcorn.

I really like my new job in the vacuum industry

There's no pressure.

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

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There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.

People used to put a lot of trust in the ship making industry...

But then the unsinkable happened

What is the busiest industry in the World?

Funeral Directors.

And they say it's a dying trade?

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The porn industry introduces its own virtual currency.

Clitcoin.

My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had

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The plastic surgery industry seems to neglect the market for middle aged dangling balls

Seems like low hanging fruit.

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During this crisis, the government is trying to find a way to help the sex worker industry.

The only problem is that they can't work out what to name the help without using the words *relief*, *stimulus* or *package*

I heard they want to subvert the culture of the mining industry by phasing out the word 'mine'

They want to call it an ore well.

The crematorium industry is super competitive

You gotta urn your keep

What do you call lawyers for the guacamole industry?

Advocateos

How does the pandemic affect the rental car industry?

It Hertz.

Why is lipstick losing market share in the makeup industry?

Because we live in a mask era.

For 2020 reddit is committing to being the most environmentally friendly company in the tech industry.

They are committing to 100% recycled content.

The artist named “Feat” has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breakin...

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Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

I invented a device to disrupt the watchmaking industry. I emailed a proposition to a French watchmaker. Their response?

Seiko Killer? Qu'est-ce que c'est?

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What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

They both hire adults that look like teenagers.

So my great uncle louie…

So my great uncle louie worked his whole life in the iron mines outside of Pittsburgh.

The work is hard, but It's harder to meet women in that industry. Except the day he found a beautiful rock at work and started bringing it around town and to family gatherings.

My great uncle Louie w...

What do you call money made in the Pickle Industry?

Dill Dough.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

“I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a fifty-fifty partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
<...

As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated.

After that, he was alright.

Diving is a dangerous industry.

It should be regulated.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

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I think I'd do well in the porn industry

I'm an incredibly hard worker

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

There are two rules to remember in the entertainment industry.

The first is to always leave the audience wanting more. And the second

Do you know why the ketchup industry is thriving in Germany this year?

Heinz' zeit is 2020

I know an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry.

He mined his own business.

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I failed to get into the male pornstar industry

Apparently I have shortcomings

I'm well known for making my fortune in the mattress industry

It's why they call me "Bed Company", and I can't deny.

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What would your thoughts be if your significant other wanted to work in the adult industry?

I would like to see her try to make a living out of having sex two times a year.

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
...

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

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How is the porn industry different from every other career?

It's the only job where you have to stay late if you come early.

My dad won the industry award for best surgical oncologist.

They said his mastectomy work was breastaking.

My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets have been going through the roof.

Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.

Why is calcium vital in the brass instrument manufacturing industry?

Because calcium helps build trombones

what do you get when you combine role playing and the hotel industry?

Air D&D

What do you call a Israeli Man that works in the Beer making industry?

Hebrew

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The porn industry should really invest more to virgin porn

I believe there is alot of untapped potential there.

The con artist industry must not be doing well.

They’re always asking for money

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Pornhub has managed to take over the adult video industry...

And they've done it single-handedly!

Did you hear about the growing origami industry?

Their business is in-CREASING!

The frisbee industry will probably die one day...

...but boomerangs, those will always make a comeback.

The cheese industry is led by an illusive, secret cabal

They're called the Hallouminati

More bad news for the coal industry

Hundreds of minors out of work since the arrest of Jeffery Epstein.

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One day I'd like to donate to the porn industry for all the free porn I've watched.

They've gotten me through some hard times.

I applied for a job in the adult industry once

But I couldn't find a good position.

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I got turned down from my job interview for coming half an hour early

The porn industry can go fuck themselves for all I care.

Delta airlines is probably chomping at the bit to get into the commercial space travel industry

After all

In space no one can hear you scream

A very cheap widow goes to a newspaper industry to write a eulogy for her late husband

"Alright," says the newspaper guy. "I'm sorry for your loss. It'll be one dollar per word."

The widow clutches her heart in shock, then says, "Fine. 'Husband died'."

"Sorry, ma'am, but the eulogy has to be a minimum of five words."

The woman sighs in exasperation and replies, "F...

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I heard a rumor about the fertilizer industry.

Apparently, it's a very shitty buisness.

Never Invest in the Velcro industry.

Its a complete ripoff

TIL about a ground breaking invention that's shaking the construction industry

It's called the jackhammer

The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change

In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.

Soon enough, Apple will make the brilliant move of following a big trend in the gaming industry...

..."remastering" the ORIGINAL iPhone rather than releasing a new model.

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What is the Hip-hop industry's favourite sex toy?

Beads by Dre.

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Karl Marx had a lesser known brother in the scat porn industry. His name?

Skid Marx.

My daughter's got an interview for a job working in the adult entertainment industry today…

I hope she blows it…

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I'm gonna start a secret porn industry and call it..

"the Illuminaughty"

If you want a job in thr moisturizer industry, the best advice i can give you is...

To apply daily.

I tried to invest in the gravy industry

But there wasn't much stock in it.

I killed the glove industry

With my bare hands

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

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A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school.

A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school. After graduating he took a job in a dentist office. One day a familiar looking woman arrived for a cleaning. Upon examination, he couldn’t help but notice her extremely white teeth. Suddenly he realized how h...

My parents were in the iron and steel industry...

My mother had to iron and my father had to steal.

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If a lawyer is defending the porn industry in court...

...are they doing pro boner legal work?

How can I invest in the Mexican airline industry?

Call me crazy but once this wall goes up I’ve got a gut-feeling I think that’s one industry that will really be taking off.

Now that Marijuana is legal in Canada, I decided to get job in the industry.

So far it's a pretty kushy place to work.

I have worked in a restaurant and within the tech industry...

The biggest difference is the meaning of the phrase "My server just went down on me."

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

Worker- Can I get a raise? Boss- Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment.

Worker- I don't get it !

Boss- That's right.

Piracy is killing the music industry

I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?

So batman's son got into the rap industry

.. They call him Lil' Wayne

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