I tried to invest in the gravy industry

But there wasn't much stock in it.

The cheese industry is led by an illusive, secret cabal

They're called the Hallouminati

Did you hear about the growing origami industry?

Their business is in-CREASING!

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I got turned down from my job interview for coming half an hour early

The porn industry can go fuck themselves for all I care.

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Pornhub has managed to take over the adult video industry...

And they've done it single-handedly!

There are some pretty big rumors about the wine industry.

I heard it through the grapevine.

Delta airlines is probably chomping at the bit to get into the commercial space travel industry

After all

In space no one can hear you scream

Worker- Can I get a raise? Boss- Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment.

Worker- I don't get it !

Boss- That's right.

If you want a job in thr moisturizer industry, the best advice i can give you is...

To apply daily.

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As a female trying to break into the music industry I am often asked how I will know I have 'made it'. I figure it's when I'm invited to come on something like Saturday Night Live...

or John Mayer

TIL about a ground breaking invention that's shaking the construction industry

It's called the jackhammer

What starts with P, ends with Orn, and is important in the film industry?

Popcorn

My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets have been going through the roof.

Now that Marijuana is legal in Canada, I decided to get job in the industry.

So far it's a pretty kushy place to work.

Did you hear about the guy who has monopoly on the chicken industry?

He's a real chick magnate

Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.

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Karl Marx had a lesser known brother in the scat porn industry. His name?

Skid Marx.

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Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

There are two rules to remember in the entertainment industry.

The first is to always leave the audience wanting more. And the second

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If a lawyer is defending the porn industry in court...

...are they doing pro boner legal work?

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People always dismiss the porn industry...

Work is fucking hard.

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I'm gonna start a secret porn industry and call it..

"the Illuminaughty"

I killed the glove industry

With my bare hands

Never Invest in the Velcro industry.

Its a complete ripoff

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A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school.

A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school. After graduating he took a job in a dentist office. One day a familiar looking woman arrived for a cleaning. Upon examination, he couldn’t help but notice her extremely white teeth. Suddenly he realized how h...

The beauty industry:

For men: This can be used as a shampoo, body wash, face wash, lotion, mouth wash, tooth paste, engine degreaser, spackle, or sunscreen


For women: We've specially formulated this moisturizer for your left elbow

Soon enough, Apple will make the brilliant move of following a big trend in the gaming industry...

..."remastering" the ORIGINAL iPhone rather than releasing a new model.

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I heard a rumor about the fertilizer industry.

Apparently, it's a very shitty buisness.

An oregano farmer recently lost a high profile court case and was ordered to pay 20 million dollars. However the spices industry had been on a steady decline so he didn’t have that kind of money on hand.

Needless to say his wages were garnished

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

How can you tell if someone is new to working in the restaurant industry?

They're washing their hands.

I have worked in a restaurant and within the tech industry...

The biggest difference is the meaning of the phrase "My server just went down on me."

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There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a dick like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician.

An entire industry has just collapsed

Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.

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What does Disney and the porn industry have in common?

They both hire adults that look like teenagers.

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

Growing up in the film industry, Harvey Weinstein was a huge influence for me.

He really touched me.

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

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The sex toy industry could make millions during the holidays...

If they had a drive called "Toys for Twats."

My daughter's got an interview for a job working in the adult entertainment industry today…

I hope she blows it…

The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change

In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.

Piracy is killing the music industry

I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?

How can I invest in the Mexican airline industry?

Call me crazy but once this wall goes up I’ve got a gut-feeling I think that’s one industry that will really be taking off.

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One day I'd like to donate to the porn industry for all the free porn I've watched.

They've gotten me through some hard times.

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On set, Bruce Willis suddenly feel a strong pain coming from his heart.

Without a doubt, the director cuts the scene and Bruce is rushed to the ER. Since the movie studio doesn't want to endanger their movie star they tell the hospital staff to spare no expenses and after multiple tests and scans a doctor walks into the room where Bruce is laying. He tells Bruce he has ...

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I used to work in a recording studio. My boss always told me the three biggest lies in the music industry are ......

1: The check's in the mail.
2: We can fix it in post.
3: Don't worry, I won't cum in your mouth.

Why don't women work at the post office?

It's a mail dominated industry.

President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry

He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

Millenials are Killing the Coat Hanger Industry

more than half of them support legal abortions.

My parents were in the iron and steel industry...

My mother had to iron and my father had to steal.

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How is the porn industry different from every other career?

It's the only job where you have to stay late if you come early.

How is the tourism industry doing in Baghdad?

Boomin'.

So batman's son got into the rap industry

.. They call him Lil' Wayne

This is a tense election for the sliced cheese industry.

Trump wants to make America Grate again

What did the cow say about the beef industry?

I've got some steak in it.

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

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Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song w...

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Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

You know what they say in the tire industry?

Have a good year!

What do you call the richest person in the soup industry?

A boullionaire

Have you heard about the airplane industry?

Its really taking off and reaching new heights.

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What title do a sandwich and an occupation in the porn industry share?

The Fluffernutter.

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The Department of Justice has announced the approval of a merger between Reddit and a Hindu temple

This is anticipated to create $50 million of synergies in the karma industry.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

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He's getting the job . . All the jobs . .

Employer: What makes you think you are qualified to work in the Porn Industry . .

Man: I'm always hard at work.

Really sad news from the entertainment industry.

Justin Bieber was found alive in his apartment yesterday.

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I want to get into the porn industry

But the competition is really stiff.

We need to get into the fertilizer industry...

I hear business is booming.

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The dictator forced everyone to work in the butter industry.

Some men just want to watch the world churn.

Mick Jagger was awarded for his lifetime achievement in music industry for over 55 years.

He didn't have a date to the ceremony so Kate Moss, who was a huge fan of Mick, volunteered to be with him for the night. It was decided that he'll pick her up from her hotel. On the evening of the ceremony Mick didn't pick her up and went straight to the ceremony alone.


Apparently a rol...

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Windows vs. Ford

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to ...

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NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

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A UKIP candidate standing in local elections in Bristol has been revealed as a 40-year veteran of the porn industry.

Hardly surprising. The first thing I think when I hear, 'UKIP candidate' is always, 'enormous prick'.

How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait, hold on, how do we know it's not supposed to be that way? We've only been looking at that bulb for 2 years, and the scientists who say we need to replace it are probably working for the light bulb industry. Also, yesterday it was on! Why do we need to do anything if it's different day to da...

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...