What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope. :)

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toad!

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...

I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants. One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diamet...

The shoe store is out of my favorite sandals.

What a Croc.

I just purchased some sandals for my frog.

They're open toad....

I invented the sandal for one legged people.

It was a flop.

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Jamaican Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’

So t...

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An ad man is overwhelmed with work...

An ad man is overwhelmed with work so he contracts our his easiest account, for Acme Nails, to his brother in law, who is a professional animator, to produce the ad.

Two days before it's due he still hasn't heard anything so he calls his BIL.

"Hey man, you must be done by now, right? I...

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A rich guy and a poor guy walk into a bar...

They both sit at the bar to order a drink and get to talking with each other

The poor guy says his wife's birthday is coming up and asks the rich guy what he got his wife for her birthday.

The rich guy replies and says, "it's simple! I bought her a brand new Mercedes and a diamond ne...

Rumor has it this one won a "best joke" contest

A man gets a job driving the Sesame Street school bus.

It's his first day...

At stop number one, a husky young girl gets on. "I'm Patty," she says.

Stop number two sees a chubby young lady. "Hi, Patty!" She calls. "Hi, Patty!" says the first girl.

At the next, a mother...

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

Did you know that sandals were invented by a Frenchman?

His name was Philippe Filoppe.

I just booked a vacation at the Sandal Resort and Spa

It's the singles version of Sandals.

What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals?

One is a fitted sheet...

Why can't milk wear sandals?

Because they lactose!

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Three men are captured by a group of Cannibals.

The men are tied up and brought before leader of the cannibals. The leader says to the men "My people are hungry, but I will let you make your case. Then I will decide your fate."

The first man, hair slicked back and dressed in an expensive suit, begins, "I am very wealthy, and I have founded...

What kind of sandals does a person with 2 left feet wear?

Flop flops

What do you call a Frenchman that wears sandals?

Phillipe Floppe

Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.

I threw my sandal at the light switch to turn it off, but I missed..

It was a complete flip - flop

Why did Julius Ceaser wear sandals?

For roamin' around

Socks and sandals are like condoms

There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant

Why were the camels wearing sandals?

To stop themselves sinking into the sand.
Why did the ostrich stick its head in the sand?
To look at the camels who forgot to put their sandals on.

What do you call a French boy wearing Sandals?

Phillipé Phillopé

Friends and I thought of this in French class today.

My friend is a doctor

Hope it is'nt a repost.

My friend is a gynaecologist.

So he had a patient who came for a pelvic examination.

Since he was a male doctor he didn't want it to be awkward so he tried
talking to the patient,

he looked around and saw her sandals and on it, it
was writ...

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An Arab boy is speaking with his father.

“Father, why do we wear these shawls on our head?”

“To keep the harsh sun off our scalp” He answers.

“What about these long robes father?”

“To protect us from the blistering wind that carries stinging sand.” Father says patiently.

“And our sandals?”

“To shield our ...

The Pacific island demigod Chee-sah...

The Pacific island demigod Chee-sah was always depicted in wooden carvings with nothing on from the waist down (except sandals), much to the distress of Christian missionaries who served there. Their urging of the locals to cover the statute’s lower half devolved into piteous begging as they tried t...

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

What are an amphibians favorite kind of shoes?

Open-toad sandals

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A US senator died and went to heaven.

When he gets to heaven Saint Peter is waiting for him at the pearly gates.
Peter says: "Oh a Senator huh? Well we have a special deal for you! Since you spent your life trying to reach across the aisle to both parties we give you 24 hours in both heaven and hell and at the end of 48 hours you g...

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d...

This is a funny joke my old boss told me a while back

What do you call a Frenchmen wearing sandals?

Phillipe phillope

A Cannibal is walking in the jungle toward his village.

Soon, a second cannibal joins him on the road. The first cannibal says to the second, “Hi, How’re you doing?”

The second cannibal says, “Not so good. My stomach has been upset for the past few days.”

The first cannibal replies, “Well, what’ve you been eating?”

The second canniba...

Two cannibals are chatting

Greg: "I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but he didn't taste very good".

Jerry: "That's too bad. What did he look like"?

Greg: "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals".

Jerry: "And how did you cook him?"

Greg: "I just tossed him in a giant pot of boiling water...

Two nurses are working at a children's hospital.

While they are checking on their patients, out of nowhere a man wearing doctor's clothing and sporting long hair and a beard shuffles into the ward. Without saying anything to the nurses, he moves around the room, healing all the kids with a few words and hand gestures. He then just as quickly leave...

Moses and Jesus are in a rowboat on the Red sea talking about the "good ole days".

Moses says "I wonder if I still got it?". He stands up, raises his hands to the sky and, WHOOSH! The sea parts. He lowers his hands, sits down and the water crashes down and returns to a calm. Jesus says "oh yeah? Watch this!". He kicks off his sandals stands up and leaps over the side of the boa...

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A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the boot...

There were two thieves who were also being crucified next to Jesus. One of them said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus looked towards the thief and said, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in para...ARE THOSE MY SANDALS!”

What's Anakin's least favorite footwear?

Sandals

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

Are You Moses ?

Recently while going through a Mideastern airport during one of his many trips, George Bush encountered a man with silver hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man didn't answer and just kept staring ahead.

Aga...

Two Priests going on vacation to Hawaii were...

determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed i...

The Pope's Alaska Visit

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t...

Legend says that if you stand in front of the mirror in your room at 3 and say "Bloody Mary" loudly

Then your mom will appear, throw sandals at you and tell you to shut the hell up and go to sleep.

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals...

I'll show myself out - thank you

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Have what it takes to become a Monk?

Thomas decieded to live his life in service to the Lord. So he went to the nearby monastery to join the Benedictine order of monks there. Thomas was welcomed by Brother John, who gave him a tour of the monastic life. Thomas was excited and eager to join.

Brother John laid out the conditions o...

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A child comes home and shouts from the hallway...

A child comes home and shouts from the hallway:

"Mom! Mom!"

A scream comes from the kitchen:

"What are you yelling for?! Come here and say what you want like a normal human being!"

The kid stomps across the apartment and walks up to her:

"Mom, I just stepped into d...

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2 guys are standing in line at the checkout...

buying their wives some stuff for Christmas. The first guy has a diamond ring. The other guy is carrying a pair of sandals and a dildo.

The first guy tells the other one, "Well, I bought my wife a new eco friendly car this Christmas, if she doesn't like it, I'll give her the diamond ring."...

A wife came home one day

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed, naked, with a much younger and far more attractive woman. Just as his wife was about to storm out of the house, he stopped her: "honey, before you leave, please let me explain." The wife stopped to listen.
...

What do Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Gandhi's political power was born from his ultra modest means - but it came at a price. His feet were in terrible condition due to his insistence on wearing rough leather sandals. Hunger strikes weakened his immune system and he was very prone to illness, but in his moments of weakness, he is said t...

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A homosexual guy died and went to Heaven [NSFW]

A homosexual guy died and went to Heaven. Back on Earth he had a big problem. Whenever he saw someone bend over he couldn't contain himself and started butt-fucking the person. When it was finally his turn to see St. Peter in front of the gates of Heaven St. Peter said:

"I'm sorry buy homose...

Ghandi joke

As I'm sure you've heard, Gandhi, a very spiritual man, used hunger strikes and peaceful marches as tactics to bring attention to the plight of his people. Unfortunately, this had some negative effects on his health and well being. Besides overall weakness due to lack of food, persistent near starva...

So there's this barber in a small town...

So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"
"Well," says th...

I was at a urinal when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox...

bad day to wear sandals.

Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife.

I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.

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