Do you know why I sneak around in leather shoes?

Because they are made of hide.

What do you call a French leather coat maker...?

Jim Lapel.

Leather armor is perfect for sneaking

Its literally made of hide.

A leather worker was stranded on a deserted island.

A leather worker was stranded on a deserted island.

Desperate to survive, the leather worker searches the island for food to eat. Luckily, he finds a herd of docile cows on the island. He successfully hunts one of the cows and skillfully cleans and prepares the cow's skin and meat for himself...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

Why does leather armour help the wearer be stealthy?

Because it's made of hide.

Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the S&M club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.

"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.

"Then...what are you here for?"

With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."

What did the stubborn, fabric-bound book say to the leather books?

I will not be suede!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice everyday.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price
of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community
holds a dance ...

I blew all of my money on leather jackets and juke boxes...

I’m worried that I may be caught in a Fonzey scheme.

What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl

He was eating carb on dyed ox hide

What's the main use for leather in the world?

Holding cows together

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife fucked me with a leather jacket on.

I've never had so many cows on top of me at once.

Abraham wandered into Sam’s pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.

“How much will you give me for this jacket?”

Sam checked it over. “$20, and that’s the best” he replied.

“But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.

Sam was adamant. “$20 or nothing.”

“Are you sure that’s all it’s worth?” pressed Abe.

“Positive”

...

Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest

Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives.

All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers.

After a few days they meet up for lunch and compared notes.

The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather...

I met a girl who was into leather and bondage.

She tied me up and stole my wallet.

Why is leather armour best for sneaking?

It's made of hide.

^^^^^I'm ^^^^^sorry

x-post from /r/Showerthoughts. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/3iruvv/leather_armour_is_the_best_for_sneaking_because/)

I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...

Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.

I think i am allergic to leather.

Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.

Leather Worker

There is a doctor who has collected foreskins the entire 20 yrs he has been a Dr, after he retires he takes them to a leather worker to see what he can do with them, the guy tells the Dr to come back in a few days, so the Dr. leaves and returns after 3 days, he goes to the leather worker and says "W...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership.

She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But as she tur...

You don't loss in this lotto

A wife arrived home flashing a new diamond ring."Where did you get that?" asked her husband suspiciously.

She said: "My boss and I played and the lotto and we won, so I bought the ring with my share of the winnings."

A week later, she arrived home wearing a new Italian leather coat. "W...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

A rich woman calls he husband

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang. A man answered and put it on speaker, the other men in the locker room stopping to listen.

Man: hello!

Woman: hi honey, it's me, are you at the club?

Man: yes.

Woman: I'm at the shops now an...

Two blondes on the parking

Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out to their car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get to the car, they realize they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stand there and think for a while.

Finally one gets ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."

They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, this chick walks into a bar.

She sees a guy sitting at the bar and he's pretty attractive, but very sad. So she decides to sit down next to him. She can't help but ask why he's so sad. He says that his girlfriend just broke up with him. She replies that in an odd bit of happenstance, her boyfriend had just broken up with her to...

Ok this is a groaner, so I expect down votes...

One night, a man is making his way home from the local. He's had a fair bit to drink, when he hears this thumping noise behind him. Not wanting to get involved in whatever it is, he puts his head down and keeps walking. Minutes later he hears the noise again, behind him and getting louder.
‘Thump...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You ask me, have I met Pancho Villa?

Well let me tell you.

I was riding my horse through the desert when I saw him: Pancho Villa. From a mile away I knew him. He wore a pair of leather chaparejos on his legs. On his head he wore a sombrero big enough to stretch from Oaxaca to Aguascalientes and back. But what caught my eye most ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken...

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food,...

A man goes to a wizard to get his fortune read. (antijoke)

He arrives at the wizard's tower and ascends the cobblestone stairs to face the large oak door. After knocking on the door, a raspy voice answers from within.

"What do you want? I'm rather busy and have no time for pests."

The man responds, uncertainly, "I wish for you to read my fortu...

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man receives an invitation to the execution of a cannibalistic serial killer

Because of the nature of his crime, the judge had decided that his punishment was to be cooked and eaten by randomly selected members of the public. Not willing to pass up such a unique opportunity, the man decided to go and enjoy himself.

Upon his arrival, he was led to one of many comfy lea...

Pol Pot was in his palace...

Pol Pot was in his palace in Phnom Penh one day when his lieutenant came in and told him that a plague had arrived in the west of Cambodia. The lieutenant told him that on the first day, the plague victims became covered in pustules and boils. On the second day, an incredible fever started which nev...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've fi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry . Paddy consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves woul...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar.

The place is totally packed standing room only except for one seat at the bar next to an older man. So the guy walks over and sits down. The older man turns to him and say hey! You see this bar? I made this bar, I sanded it I planed it, I wrapped the leather around the edge, do they call me McGregor...

A woman is on her way to church

Wearing a tight leather skirt, she realizes she can’t reach her leg up to the first step of her church’s shuttle bus. Reaching behind her, she pulls the zipper down a little bit then tries again.

She attempts to take a step up, can’t reach, and reaches behind her again to pull down the zippe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.

The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.

It was a brief case.

African Horses

In a world of horse racing dominated by the West, a new super power emerged. South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. Their budget just wasn't high enough to afford high quality gear, but they were still beatin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

I like my men like I like my books

Well read and bound in leather.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW]: A woman walks into a bar ...

A woman walks into a bar and appears to be depressed. Alone, she begins drinking heavily. A man walks into the bar soon after with the same expression on his face and sits a few stools down from her while also beginning to drink heavily. Eventually, the woman slides down and asks him what's wrong....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Donald Trump has a problem.

Donald Trump has a problem.

He's had a long life of being a rich playboy, womanizer, having lots of sex. Recently, however, no matter what he does, he can't have an orgasm. He's tried sexy outfits for Melania, Viagra, porn, porn *stars,* Japanese massage parlors, fleshlights, pills from the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The hotel

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wanders about a casino and sees a gorgeous woman who is clearly bored

"Hello, I see you're sad, what happened?", he asks.

"Well, I'm not sad really, just a little bored", she answers, "you see, I'm a little kinky and most men around my social status don't really seem to like it".

"Oh really? Well I enjoy being kinky too, so it seems that we have the same...

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy walks into a bar

He's wearing a sun-tanned hat, a weathered and dusty leather jacket, and boots with spurs. He has a sheathed knife on his left hip, and on his right a holstered revolver.

A beautiful young woman comes up to him and asks, "Excuse me sir, I'm sure you get this a lot, but are you really a cowbo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde and a trucker get into an accident on the highway

A blonde is taking her new sports car out for a drive on the highway. She cuts off a trucker and causes him to almost crash. The trucker angrily yells at her and motions for her to pull over.

They both pull over and get out of their vehicles. The truck driver takes a piece of chalk and draws...

A mall owner was speaking to the manager about the Santa Claus hiring for the Christmas holidays.

Owner: So how have the interviews been going? Any good candidates?

Manager: Well there was this one guy today. He was a fat guy, with rosy red cheeks and sporting a large sac. He had the furry cuffs, and a leather belt.

Owner: He sounds like the real deal!

Manager: Actually he h...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

St. Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-d...

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenager is walking down the street...

He's dressed up in all leather with spikes and studs and has a mohawk dyed like a rainbow. He notices an old man on a porch up ahead staring him down intensely. He just smiles to himself and keeps walking.

As he passes the house, he sees the old man has yet to take his eyes off him. Finally h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The more you know...

It's high noon when a stranger rides into town. His ride is not a horse but an enormous bull, with horns that appear bloodstained. The stranger is a mountain of a man standing six foot eight inches tall, seven with hat on. He wore black leather from head to toe, with a pair of pistols on his belt...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

S&M Women

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long\-time wife, met for drinks after work.

The conversation drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A very Jewish wedding...

A modern, Orthodox, Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets with their rabbi for counseling.

The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the...

O’Malley is leaving his favourite bar when he is run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test.

O’Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.

St Peter decides to go easy on him. “What has five fingers and is made of black leather?” he asks.
O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up.
“It’s a glove,” says St Peter. “

Let’s try again...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a saloon

Its empty but for the barkeep.

"Where is everyone?" cowboy asked

"They ran. Hiding. The black rider is coming" said the old man

"Why are they afraid of the black rider, whos he" puzzled cowboy asked

"He will kill any men, women and some say even children that he sees on...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man watches a nightmare scenario unfold on an airplane...

A man sitting on an airplane notices an extremely fat belligerent couple are the last people to board. They both squeeze down the aisles, smacking people in the head with their baggage and yelling at each other about their horror show of a marriage.

They both sit down on either side of a poor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Buying a motorcycle...

This guy decides to buy a motorcycle. He looks all through the newspapers and online for the best deal and after a little searching he finds this amazing deal! The bike is a little older but it is in perfect condition, no scrapes or dents, the chrome pieces shine like new, and the leather seat looks...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kinky Sex

A man was sitting at a singles bar when he was approached by a woman.

"Excuse me, but is this seat taken?" She asked him, motioning to the empty seat next to him.

"No, It isn't." He said. The woman sat down.

"Well, now that I'm sitting here, would you mind buying me a drink?"...

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title “TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE”.
When we opened it, all it contained was gran’s phone number.

Guy dies in a car crash...

...and goes up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looks his name up in his book and shakes his head.

"What's that mean?" the guy says.

"You gotta go down," Saint Peter says.

The guy gets put on an elevator and takes the ride down to hell. When the doors open, he sees a large, oval...

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Man Walks into a Barbershop with a Big "Help Wanted" Sign

A Man Walks into a Barbershop with a Big "Help Wanted" Sign. He is quickly greeted by an eccentric and very talkative barber.

"Ah! Hello friend! Welcome to my barber shop. Let me sit you down and we can discuss the work at hand."

The barber sits him down in a worn leather chair and qui...

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