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Sells Jokes

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A store opens which sells husbands (long)

A few women think this is cool and decide to try it out. When they enter in the building, an employee tells them the rules: on each floor there is a door with a list of qualities the men on that floor possess. The women must choose whether to go into that floor to shop or move up to the next floor. ...

There's a woman in the park sells batteries.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

If farmer A sells apples, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

What’s baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say sex sells...

Probably because you can’t spell advertisements without semen between the tits.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

I have a T-Rex who sells me guns.

He's a small arms dealer.

Vegans say whoever sells meat is disgusting, well

i say people who sell vegetables are grocer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A farmer sells his peaches door to door

A peach farmer decides to sell his peaches door to door. He knocks on an apartment door and this gorgeous lady wearing a teddy opens the door.
The farmer stutters in surprise and asks if she would like some peaches. He shows her one and “says they are firm, subtle and very nice to the touch.”...

I opened a little shop that sells clickbait.

You won't believe what's in store.

I went to a store that sells door locks for little people.

Low key, it was pretty nice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets a job at one of those sells everything superstores

The manager tells him remember you’re on commission more people you sell to the more money you make. So the end of the day the man comes up to the manager he asks him. How did you do? The man tells him I only made one sale. He said you’ve been here for eight hours. It’s very busy. How did you only m...

Have you heard about the store that sells used Indian clothing?

Whose sari now?

I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts

It's called 'Hole Foods'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend sells hearing aids over the phone (he really does) my favorite joke is:

"Hello, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Shit"

Click

What do you call a store that sells wall sockets?

An outlet.

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman:

"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my
computer screen".

The surprised salesman replies:

"But madam, computers do not have curtains...".

And the blonde said:

"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!"

Blonde Sells Car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That ...

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A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product...

A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product.

Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need: "We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of ...

What do you call a moving slime that sells its body for money?

A protistute.

A roadside cafe sells ham sandwiches and handjobs

The sign reads “Ham Sandwiches: $3, Handjobs: $10”.

An elderly woman is standing behind the counter. A customer walks up and says, “Are you the one that gives the handjobs?”

“Yes I am!” she replies.

“Well, wash your goddamn hands, I want a ham sandwich!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of the business that sells hearses?

Rigor Motors

Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.

Priest - Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Is it? What about the guy who sells the liquor?
Priest - He will also go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Ok, what about the guy who sells pork tacos in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?
Priest - He too will go to Hell....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Ice Cream vendor sells Vagina flavored ice cream.

An Ice Cream vendor sells a new flavor of ice cream called Vagina to a customer.
-Customer: It tastes like shit!!!
-Ice cream vendor: You are taking too big licks!

My neighbor sells home security systems door to door. He's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.

Y'know Amazon sells Holy Air?

They call it Breff of Jezos

What do you call a communist agronomist who also sells insurance?

Jake from the State Farm.

I’m opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts.

It called glazed and confused.

I want to open a shop that sells nothing but footstools.

I’ll call it… The Ottoman Empire

…

…I’ll see myself out.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

But why would you buy seashells if you're already by the sea?

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs?

Patty O'Furniture

Cardi B has a sister that sells used cars

Her name is Cardi Lership

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,

Is it false advertising?

If Toys-R-Us sells toys

Then Babies-R-Us must sell babies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local furniture store sells stools

I checked out one of their samples and I was unimpressed. It looked like a piece of shit.

I FINALLY opened my shoe store that only sells large sizes.

Let me tell you, that was no small feet.

I'm thinking of opening a shop which sells used artificial limbs

Call it the second hand second hand store

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person that sells cow poop?

An entre-manure

A man sells his soul to the devil

He’s down on his luck and needs money in the worst way. The devil appears to him and says I can give you all the money you need, just sell me your soul and your money problems will be gone. The devil even promised him not to take his soul for another ten years.

The man decides to make the dea...

What do you call a company that sells makeup?

A foundation.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

I am opening a specialty shop that only sells flavored lube

It’s called Hole Foods

I just opened my store that sells lockboxes and speakers.

It's called "Safe and Sound."

I opened a company that sells land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny sells a duck

One day a farmer decides to sell 3 of his ducks. He gives one to each of his sons, Billy, Bobby and Johnny and tells them to go to market and see what they can get for the ducks.

So Billy goes to market and comes back, and he says to his dad “hey dad!! I got ten bucks for that duck!” “Very go...

A vampire sells a mirror

Cheap mirror, excellent condition; Never used.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.

My friend is selling sells his award winning Doberman

When asked why he replied. "It attacked and killed my mother-in-law last week and I don't need it anymore.

A man sells a dog.

The buyer asks, “Is he healthy?”

“My dog is very healthy,” the seller answers.

“Is he smart?”

“My dog is very smart.”

“Is he loyal?”

“Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I’m selling him for the fifth time already.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute washes her crack and sells it again

The only CD shop near my house sells nothing but old albums.

Guess there’s no hot singles in my area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bed salesman has an existential crisis and sells all of his wares for 100% off.

The sale slogan? “Fuck it, nothing really mattress.”

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

A man gets a job at a computer store that sells food shaped computers.

He was fired for trying to take a byte.

What do you call a plate of spaghetti that sells itself?

A pastatute

What do you call an economist who sells fake paintings online?

An E-con artist.

My uncle sells vaccuum cleaners for a living

His business sucks, but its picking up.

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore

Shelly got chlamydia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

What do you call a man who sells impossible houses?

A surreal estate agent

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

Which state sells the smallest cans of coke?

Minisoda

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

An old lady sells cabbages on the streets for 2 dollars each.

Every day a man comes to her, gives her 2 dollars, but doesn't take a cabbage. This continues for months. One day that man handed 2 dollars to the woman, but she refused. A man asked:

- So, you must be wondering why am I giving you 2 dollars each day, but don't take any of the cabbages?
...

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