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My boyfriend was always business as usual in the bedroom until he shoved my handbag up my ass.

Now it's purse anal.

I get really embaressed when my wife asks me to hold her handbag...

I look like an idiot holding two.

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new handbag...

Daughter - "Thanks for the Baghdad"

How to get away with speeding

An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...

**Older Woman:** Is there a problem, officer?

**Officer:** Ma'am, you were speeding.

**Older Woman:** Oh, I see.

**Officer:** Can I see your license, please?

**Older Woman:** I'd give it to you but I don't have one....

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Three men get their wives birthday presents.

The first man, a lawyer, tells the other men “I got my wife a trip to the Bahamas and a pearl necklace. She loves pearls, so if she doesn’t enjoy the trip, I know she’ll like the necklace.”

The second man, a doctor, says “I got my wife a brand new 2017 BMW and a Louis Vuitton handbag she’s ha...

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A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,

when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,

and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

Th...

"Why is there sweat on my handbag?"

"Calm down, it's just a little pursepiration."

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A woman rings the surgery to ask about a pregnancy test

The receptionist makes an appointment and says "Be sure to bring in a urine sample". The woman says "okay" and hangs up, then turns to her husband and says "What's a urine sample?". He looks puzzled and says "I don't know, it's not like I've ever been for a pregnancy test. But Betty next door has, w...

After returning from a trip from the Sunshine State, a man tells his friend all the things he’d seen.

“Did you know in Florida they use alligators to make handbags?”



His friend says in amazement, “Wow, it’s crazy what they can make animals do these days.”

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

"Allahu Akbar!"


I'm going to hell for this.

Help needed!

I need some advice on a pretty serious decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. There have been a few signs which I think I may be taking the wrong way and wouldn't like to falsely accuse her, but the number of these little warning flags keeps i...

...two blondes walked into a bar

...ordered two beers, sat down at a table, opened their handbags, peeling open tupperware then started to eat sandwiches.

* **barman:** “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
...So the two blondes swapped their sandwiches.

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for their respective babies.



Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.

<...

If I had a penny for every time my wife and I argued about money

She'd spend it on a handbag

Signs of aging, from a lady

After finishing a meeting I left the hotel and headed to the parking lot. After failing to find my car keys in my handbag and pockets, I started to panic. I headed back to the conference room and still couldn't find the keys.

I suddenly realized that I must have left them in the car. This has...

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"

"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me as he was running off."

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Guy meets a girl in a strip bar

The drinks flow and talk soon turns to sex. The girl explains how she only enjoys kinky sex, the kinkier the better and she doubts there is a man alive that is kinkier than her. The man accepts the challenge and they go back to her place.
&nbsp;
The girl invites the guy to make himself at...

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Slow down love

2 pilots are about to touchdown at the Melbourne Airport.
They start talking about what they are going to do after they land not knowing that they left the microphone on for everyone to hear.
one of them says im gonna have a beer, take a shit and bang one of the hot flight attendants at the ba...

A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop

Blonde cop: May I see your driving license?

Blonde driver: Driving license? What's that?

Blonde cop: The thing with your face on it

Blonde driver: Alright

Blonde driver: Reaches in her handbag and hands over her makeup mirror to the cop

Blonde Cop: Sorry, we didn't...

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Ethel

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually j...

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A blonde goes to her chemist..

A blonde goes to her chemist. She's quite embarrassed, so goes to quite a length to get the chemist by themselves. She whispers to the pharmacist, 'I need some more anal deodorant.'

The pharmacist, quite confused, says, 'I'm sorry ma'am, what was that?'

"I need some anal deodorant!" lo...

2 engineers v/s a Blonde

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple ...

A blonde was driving a bit too fast, and was pulled over by a female blonde cop

A blonde was driving a bit too fast, and was pulled over by a female
blonde cop.

The cop asked the woman for her driving licence. The blonde driver
fumbled through her overstuffed handbag but just couldn't find her
licence. The cop said, "C'mon ma`am, it can't be that hard to find. ...

A husband and wife are talking, and the husband asks:

"You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?" Wife - "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." Husband - "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" Wife - "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What ot...

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

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Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

An Iraqi man was fleeing the Saddam Hussein regime in 1997....

An Iraqi man was fleeing the Saddam Hussein regime in 1997 and ended up in a refugee camp in India. There, he met a lovely young woman, who happened to be the caretaker of the camp. They eventually started dating and were truly in love. One night, the woman asked if he would marry her.

The we...

The Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries another straightforward ...

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The Cask of Amor-illado.

A man and woman are involved in a severe car accident. Although the cars are totaled, they both crawl out of the wreckage, each without a scratch. The man immediately starts swearing. “Women are the worst drivers on earth! They shouldn’t be given driver’s licenses!”

The woman sighs and point...

Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump in a hot air balloon

Hilary invites Donald on a bury the hatchet secret meeting before the knives come out in the run up. A little while into the trip she springs a surprise on the other President hopeful..

" So Trump.. I would like you to say hello to our pilot, Pedro who happens to be Mexican, and my assistant,...

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A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse is in a bank making a withdrawal after her night-shift. She grabs the pen to sign her name, but it (inevitably) doesn't work, so she hunts in her handbag. She pulls out a thermometer saying, "Shit, some asshole's got my pen."

Ba-dum

I think I found the cure for gonorrhea

It was at the bottom of my wifes handbag.

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