I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

What's a kidnapper's favourite shoe?

White vans.

What do you call a shoe that is made from bananas?

A slipper

Did you hear about the massacre at the shoe factory?

100 soles were lost.

What does an Australian call the bottom of his shoe?

His soul, mate

Dear Reddit, I met this girl in a shoe store.

I think we might be sole mates.

What does a person buy with two left feet in the shoe store?

Flip-Flips

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An American shoe and an Australian married shoe enter a bar....

The Australian shoes says to his friend

"I got a big favor to ask you,could you nail my soulmate, please?"

"Really? Wont you get mad?!"

"Of course not, youre my best friend"

"But...why?!"

"Its something i cant do myself since i dont feel confident enough"

"....

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

Why was the leather shoe so stubborn?

Because it couldn’t be suede.

Like the old saying goes: "If the shoe fits ..."

"... like a poorly made glove, then it's probably on the wrong ear."

If you threw a green shoe into the Red sea, what would it become?

Wet.

What's made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A Shoe.

People are so sensitive today. You can't even say black shoe.

You have to say, "Tyrone, please get off my lawn"

There's a new men's birth control pill that's about the size of a marble. Don't get discouraged though, you don't have to swallow it or anything, you just put it into your shoe…

And it makes you limp…

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Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice everyday.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price
of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community
holds a dance ...

A blonde is running around the house with a flashlight and a shoe box.

She puts the flashlight on the floor, sneaks in front of the light, puts the box on the floor, then quickly closes the box.

Husband comes home, only to find his giggly wife doing this over and over again: “Honey, what the heck are you doing?”

“She was right, this is fun! Cindy told me...

I asked the guy in the shoe shop if they sold any running shoes.

He said, "No, they're all stationary."

Student wearing one black and one white shoe in the class

Teacher : Go home and change your shoes.
Student : What's the point. At home also there is one black and one White only.

1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, your mom’s a

..dorable

What did the old woman who lived in the shoe do when her kids moved out?

She moved into a flat.

My brother and I are partners in a shoe business but we decided to split the business

Now I am the sole proprietor.

Did you hear about the girl so in love, she’d rather blow her boyfriend than go out shoe shopping?

Talk about head over heels!

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Two friends walk into a shoe store

The first friend sees a beautiful pair of red shoes in the window. "I have to get those shoes" she says. Her friend looks at them and notices there isn't a price tag on them. The friends take the shoes to the front counter and the man behind the counter smiles at them. "How can I help you two?"
...

Your shoe is untied.

April fools!

How do you shame a shoe ?

By telling it has no sole

I just don’t know how shoe companies stay in business

Although, it probably helps being the sole supplier

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home from work to find my husband panicking because he'd managed to glue his cock to a shoe.

I instantly started panicking too then started rushing about looking for solvents and medical supplies. It was only when he started laughing that I realised he was just fooking aboot.

What did the shoe said when a dog is following him?

*shoo*

I wasn't going to make a joke about Zion's shoe exploding...

Between stitches, an asian kid told me "You don't have quality material" insisting "[I] put myself in his shoes. Just for a minute. Just do it!"

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

At the Duke game zion Williamson's Nike shoe exploded and they lost the game

I guess that was a blowout :/

What is a statistician's favorite shoe brand?

Converse

If you put your left shoe on the wrong foot

You’ve put it on the right foot.

My 9yr old daughter swears she just made that up. She said “you should put it on Reddit”

What's another name for shoe shopping?

Sole searching.

Why was the shoe mad at the foot?

He socked him!

A man asks a shoe store employee for the size of a shoe

The employee replies that it's a size 9, US.

The man asks what the Australian size is.

"Size 6," the employee says.

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I got a job as a blacksmith and was asked if I could shoe a horse..

I said no, but I have told a donkey to fuck off

What are a ninja's favorite type of shoe?

Sneakers..

A blonde goes in to a shoe store...

She spots her favourite brand Jimmy Choo's. There's a pair in a style that she likes, so she takes them to the assistant. The brunette assistant starts to box and wrap them up when the blonde says "Can I stop you there for a moment?" The assistant says "Sure, what can I help you with?"
The blonde...

A blonde walks into a shoe store in Florida ...

And looks at the alligator shoes. “That much!! I’ll just go and get some myself!” she exclaims. “Good luck!” The clerk says.

Later that afternoon he sees the blonde down by the river pointing a gun at a huge alligator, so he stops to watch. She shoots the alligator and kills it, the struggle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say penis size is related to shoe size

that makes the fear of clowns even worse.

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...

I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$300” – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.

The store manager said h...

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

If the shoe fits...

She's probably a man.

I had expected that being asked to produce shoes for the Vatican would improve business at my Dublin shoe shop...

...but we've had nothing but trouble since changing our sign to say COBBLERS TO THE POPE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pervert at the shoe store

A man gets home from work to find his wife furiously pacing the house. As soon as he's through the door, she starts frantically telling him about her experience at the shoe store that day.



"I was at the shoe store today and I decided to try on this cute pair of pumps. When the clerk...

What kind of shoe does a thief wear?

Sneakers!

Last night at the bar I ordered a drink that was served in a shoe...

... I'm pretty sure it was laced.

A man had excruciating headaches

So he decided once and for all to go see a specialist to see what can be done.

After extensive scans and tests the doctor calls him in and gives him the bad news.
"I'm very sorry sir, you have a very rare case in which your nuts press up against the base of your spine which, in turn, is ...

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

I showed up at work with only one shoe on

That is when I noticed something was afoot

If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package...

Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.

What is worse than a pebble in your shoe?

A grain of sand in the condom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.

The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."

She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."

Th...

I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place.

It turns out that shoes have soles.

A man was walking down the street around 3am, obviously drunk, missing a shoe and weaving to and fro, when a policeman spotted him and stopped his car along the curb nearby.

"Good evening sir, would you mind stepping over here for a moment, please?" the policeman asked.

Haltingly, the man came over to the police car. "Gooodsh evening occifer, whass the trouble?"

"Well," the officer began, "it seems you're not quite in any condition to be walking along in ...

What happens when a shoe dies?

It's sole goes to heaven

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would love to sit on the toilet whilst you tie my shoe laces...

I shit you knot!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you piss on a cop’s shoe?

Urine a lot of trouble.

Why did the ginger person go into the shoe shop?

For a sole

A mother takes her son to a shoe store on his 8th birthday.

Pointing to a pair, she asks,

"How much are these?"

"$10!" says the young salesman, "They're on sale."

"I'll give you $7," she replies.

Needing to fill the weekly quota,

he counters, "$9 and I'll even throw in wheels that attach to the soles."

"No deal!" and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

I asked Satan to fix my shoe the other day.

But he took my sole in return.

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Why was the fetishist chasing the shoe model?

Because he was hot on her heels.

Did you know Vans and Sperry's used to be one shoe company?

The company was called Vanes. There was some dissension among the employees, so they agreed to split into two companies. The first one became Vans, and the second one got the Spare 'E'.

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

The doctors have designed a special shoe to make up for my short leg. I didn’t think it would work, but I tried it out.

I stand corrected.

I heard a local shoe store was doing a promo to increase sales.

Buy one, get another one free.

I was in the shoe shop getting my feet measured.

"Hmm," she said, "I'd say you're a 5 and a half...possibly a 6."

I said, "Shut up, you aren't too good looking yourself!"

Can a shoe box?

No, but a tin can.

What did they do with the politician who couldn't fit in his coffin?

Gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box

I just visited the Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe, and I loved her house.

It's an architectural feat.

Why did Achilles go shoe shopping?

Because heels are his only weakness

There once was a Nike shoe.

There once was a Nike shoe.

He lived with his wife who was also a Nike shoe and together they had identical twins, an adorable pair of two left Nike shoes.

But Nike shoe wasn’t happy. You see, he hated his job--the mundane monotony of never being the shoe he knew he could be. One day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

they say penis size is related to shoe size...

that makes the fear of clowns even worse.

**Edit** Ten hours in, this is my highest rated post ever! happy I found a place where im appreciated. ill come back with more material! :D

Why do you always put your left shoe on last?

Because when you put one shoe on, the other one is left.

Last night I saw a demon eating the bottom of my shoe.

When I asked him why he looked at me saying, "I am eating your sole"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

A guy is moving out of New York City, and begins cleaning out his home desk...

A guy is moving out of New York City, and begins cleaning out his home desk. He's a bit of a packrat, and after thirty years, he's accumulated a lot of papers. As he's going through the papers, he notices an old, yellowed receipt.

"Lustowitz Shoe Repair" it says at the top. He dimly remembers...

I bought some drugs from the old lady who lives in a shoe.

They turned out to be laced.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop...

It was sole destroying

What do you call a shoe with no grip?

A slipper.

(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)

My kid grew a foot in the last month.

Anyone know where I can buy shoes in sets of three?

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes.

That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

A man with one shoe walks into a bar.

The bartender looks at him and says "hey, what you do? Lose a shoe?"

The man looks at him and says "nope, found one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy came into my shoe shop today

He said, "I'd like a pair of red shoes please."

"Certainly sir," I replied. "What size?"

"Size 40."

Fucking clown.

My shoe died recently.

May it's sole rest in peace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can eat an untied shoe lace and poop it out tied

I shit you knot!

Why do the Mexican homies on the States always have one shoe lace untied?

Because in the sole of their shoes it says Taiwan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the common point between shoes and jews ?

They'r both common in 39 and rare in 45

Why did the poorly made shoe go to confession?

Because it had a bad sole

Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.

Those poor unfortunate soles.

What do you call a shoe shop at the bottom of the sea?

Davy Jones's foot locker.

A man takes his shoe off in church...

Man 1: *takes off shoe and starts peering inside of it*

Man 2: "What the problem?"

Man 1: *Sighs* " I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole "

Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down

It was the sole survivor.

Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore?

The only thing they left were the work boots.

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