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Footwear Jokes

Why does good footwear go to heaven?

Because they have soles.

What is the preferred footwear of pedos?

White Vans

My doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear...

I overheard him telling his colleague that I had "Serious healthy shoes".

What’s a Canadians favorite kinda footwear…

Aboot

What kinda fancy footwear does Mr.Peanut wear?

Cashews

A clown puts on their trademark oversized footwear...

Hilarity ensues.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

What's Anakin's least favorite footwear?

Sandals

What do you call a chef made of footwear

A shoe chef

A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

Who chops down trees and wears corrective footwear?

Paul Bunion

What is Hillary Clintons favorite type of footwear?

flip-flops

I was having lower back pain from having to stand all day at work and my wife suggested I try orthopedic footwear.

I told her it wouldn't help but she insisted.

I stand corrected.

What do you call an octopus that wears footwear?

A Socktopus

What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach?

Flip flops or scandals!

Hillary Clinton has become so famous that they started naming footwear after her

They call it the flip flop

What did the footwear salesmen do to get the deer away from his house?

He shoe'd them away.

Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife.

I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.

Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day

Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused frag...

Alligator Shoes. (Long)

A Blonde woman walked into a small Louisiana shoe store, and looked around at all of the footwear on display. After a few moments, a salesman walked over to her, and politely asked “Can I help you, ma’am?”

“Yes,” the blonde woman replied, “I’m interested in these alligator leather shoes.” Sh...

All these what?

Whenever a Jamaican women talks about "all these terrible shootings"

I'm never sure if they mean gun violence, or footwear accessories.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's dress rehearsal time on the set of Saturday Night Live.

A new intern, having been hired for one episode, arrives at NBC's studios, excited as can be.

He heads to the front of the set and is directed into a closet to get suited up for practising an SNL sketch.

He chooses a suitable suit, pair of pants and buttons himself up. At last he comes...

A cop is speeding on the highway when he notices in his rear view mirror that he is being followed by an old lady.

Going over 100 mph, he realizes the civilian's car is going way too fast and needs to slow down. The cop begins to decelerate and the car follows suit. Eventually, the cop pulls over and the car pulls over as well. An old lady comes out of the car and stumbles up to the cop's window, almost tripping...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anna Kournikova is approached by her agent with one last career option.

He explains that with her youthful looks behind her, her best option is to take a training shoe endorsement she has been offered. She'll only need to model the footwear from the legs down, and give them use of her name.

She's reluctant because years of top level tennis gave her leg muscles wh...

Dorothy is stuck in Oz

Apparently magical footwear can't solve all of your problems. So she stays put.

Decades go by, and technology advances. Dorothy, realizing that things get boring without witches trying to murder you, gets a laptop.

She installs Internet Explorer, and the connection is terrible. Doroth...

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