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Sole Jokes

A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other. The sole says, "A flounder!"

The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.

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Sole man on an isolated island

There is an isolated island, with a sole man there.
The man doesn't know about the existence of the rest of the world, he haven't met any other people and is disconnected from the rest of humanity.

A big news company hears about it, and decides to send a news reporter to make an item about...

My wife left me for a bird, and still got sole custody of the kids

Judge said it wouldn't be right to make them leave the nest so soon

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I knew a scientist who successfully cloned themselves for the sole purpose of having a sexual partner.

We were friends up to that point. I told him, "You do you."

Finally found my sole mate

bought a girlfriend for my flounder

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A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."

"sole"-destroying shoe

"I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

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The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

Sole Survivor

A rescue team arrives at the site of a crashed airplane to find only a single survivor. The rather haggard-looking man is found while chewing on a bone, with a rather large pile of human bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked.

"You can't judge me for this," the man says defensively. "I ...

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Guy is the sole survivor of a shipwreck, and washes up on a desert island.

The only thing to eat are coconuts, from a single coconut tree on the other side of the island. However, there's a dog guarding the tree, and every time the guy climbs the tree to get a one, the dog bites him on the ass.

For ten months, the guy has to deal with the dog, whenever he wants to ...

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake...

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as thei...

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A gentleman on his way to a job interview in Brooklyn breaks the sole of his shoe.

Not wanting to arrive at the interview with a broken shoe, he asks some by-standers where the closest cobbler is.

“You’ll want Olaf Von Gundersen.” says one gentleman. “He isn’t very close by but he’s quick and his prices are just right.”

Having no choice, the man with the broken shoe...

Men who are liked by girls, solely because of their bank balance...

....should be called Cashanovas

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It's too bad Coronavirus isn't solely transmitted sexually

Most of Reddit would be immune

I can't stand to see both soles of my feet.

I just can't.

The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes

Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019

There's a name for people who judge others solely on how they look

Opticians!

First game using solely IPv6 for multiplayer

Half-Life 3

What does it mean when you lose a shoe but still survive?

You’re a sole survivor.

What do you call a country, comprised solely of female deer, giving money to charity?

A doe nation donation.

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Went to the aquarium today. It was beautiful but only had one fish.

Pretty crappie place. Note a sole there.

I knew a chemist who survived solely on oxygen and potassium.

When I asked him what he felt like, he said OK.

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My wife says if we get 1000 upvotes we can have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

2000 and she'll let me do it with the lights on

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the nex...

What did Kanye do after getting dropped by Adidas?

Some Sole searching

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I saw five cockroaches marching across my basement floor today

I grabbed my shoe and started hitting them with the sole. I killed four, but one escaped and hid.

It was the sole survivor.

Why does good footwear go to heaven?

Because they have soles.

My feet were killing me yesterday. I bought some in-soles thinking they'd probably do nothing to help.

Today I stand corrected.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

PlayStation has announced a new line of shoes for gamers.

Thier first pair will be called Demon Soles.

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A woman comes home early from work to surprise her husband for his birthday.

She enters her house, walks up the stairs, and heads towards the direction of her bedroom. As she eagerly walks to her bedroom, her adrenaline was spiking, she was anticipating a very dirty night. She slowly opened the door and astonishingly, she saw two people on her bed covered with a blanket, wit...

What’s the difference between a shoe and a ghost?

One has a sole!

What happened after a tornado hit the shoe store?

After weeks of Sole Searching it finally reopened.

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A man moves to a very small town...

...with a population of a couple hundred people. He bought a place here sight-unseen as he was tired of the rat race in the big city. Figured it would be a nice change of scenery.

After a few days he goes to the sole bar/restaurant. He notices only men are there. He asks if there are any wom...

What did the Grim Reaper say when he walked into a shoe shop?

I've come for your soles!

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

The Frenchman said, "Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!"

The Englishman said, "Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman."...

Which two fish you need to make a shoe?

Sole and eel.

I've been feeling down, so I bought some new socks

Cause you know what they say:

A hat warms the head

A coat warms the body

But socks warm the sole.

General Frederick D. Grant said to his servant one morning

"James, I have left my mess boots out. I want them soled."

"Yes, sir, the servant answered."

The general dressed for dinner that night, said again: "I suppose, James, that you did as I told you about those boots."

"Yes, sir, said he, and this is all I could get for them, though...

I went to Bill Hayleys fish shop last night

They do Hake, Haddock and Sole

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?

They were sole mates

I just quit my job working in a shoe factory

It was sole destroying

Why don't foot fetishists like redheads?

Because they don't have soles.





^(My bf told me to put this here.)

Beware of Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes.

The devil might steal your sole.

I'm so sick of all the right vs left BS! it's all 'the left are so evil all they do is ..' or 'the right is so evil all they care about is ..'

First off, it's divisive and bringing out the worst in people. Completely ruining the country. Secondly, who the hell really judges people based solely on which Twix they prefer?!

Thanos should’ve thrown his shoe off the cliff on Vormir

A sole for a soul

Did you hear about the foot that got ran over?

God rest his sole

My shoe died recently.

May it's sole rest in peace.

The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes.

You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.

What do you call a red-head playing the piano by themselves in worn out shoes?

A soulless sole-less soloist.

Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory. (Original, I think)

Police have identified a sole perpetrator.

A cod leaned into a sardine at a bar.

"I've got something to tell you, but you can't tell a sole."

I once dated a co-worker at a shoe store.

It didn't end up working out. Guess we weren't sole-mates after all.

A girl won't date me because she'd be taller than me when she wears heels

It's her sole reason.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

What's it called when you marry a shoemaker?

Marrying your sole-mate

Dear Reddit, I met this girl in a shoe store.

I think we might be sole mates.

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

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Why did the math teacher join the dark side?

Because only a sith deals in absolutes.




I fucking thought of this while in the bathroom. And if it's already thought of, then fuck them. This is the sole accomplishment of my life and I can't let anybody take that away from me.

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