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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you're a mile away, and you have his shoes.

I recently bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I used to have a nice pair of golf shoes.

Until I got a hole in one.

I used to work long and unsociable hours in a shoes recycling factory....

... it was sole destroying!

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Got my girlfriend a dildo and some shoes for her birthday!

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go and fuck herself!

2 Irish men get the idea to sell crocodile shoes

2 Irish men get the idea to sell crocodile shoes after seeing an expensive pair in a Dublin City shop.

They fly to Africa, set up beside a notorious crocodile infested lake and go to work.

After a long day the 2 men have left a long line of dead crocodiles all along the lake shore.
...

A butcher is 6ft tall, and wears size 10 shoes, what does he weigh?

Meat

I talk to my shoes

because the box says converse.

If someone ties their shoes in space...

Did they do an Astro-knot?

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I went to the pet shop and the owner said he had a talking centipede for sale.

I said ‘no way, centipedes don’t talk.’
The owner promised me it was a talking centipede so I purchased it and took it home with me.
A little later in that evening I went up to its tank and said ‘alright mate, I’m just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?’ The centipede said nothing...

Why did Santa Claus shoes break?

...because he had so many missile toes.

What type of shoes do kidnappers wear?

White vans

You can tell a girl likes you depending on where her shoes are.

If they are behind her head, she may like you.

Son: Daddy can you put on my shoes?

Me: I can try, but I don't think they will fit!

I just got a new job and I start tomorrow. This morning I realized I needed a new pair of shoes and a new shirt.

I got up, drank some coffee went to Walmart. The sign on the door said, "NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE" so I went home.

What are the best shoes to wear for stealth purposes?

Sneakers made of hide.

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If a big car means you have a little dick, and big shoes mean you have a big dick

What does that say about clowns?

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes

That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range

To whoever stole my shoes and hi-vis vest

You can run but you can't hide

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What's the common point between jews and shoes ?

Its easier to find in 39 than in 45


Edit : Thanks for the gold king stranger ! That was a joke. sorry if i offended anyone, just wanted to make people laugh, have a good day

No shirt no shoes no service

I've been lied to my entire life. I walked into 7-11 naked and my phone still worked just fine.

I used to by my shoes in bulk...

...but now I buy them by the foot.

My wife screamed in delight when her new shoes arrived sooner than expected

I thought she didn't like it when things came early...

I bought a pair of shoes off a drug dealer but something doesn't seem right

I think they're laced

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“Hey Watson, is that mud on your shoes?”

“No. Shit, Sherlock.”

What shoes does hilliary clinton wear.......

Scandals!!!!!

What kind of shoes does lord Voldemort wear?

Horcrocs.

Who fixes Princess Toadstool’s shoes?

The Peach cobbler.

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A homeless guy stopped me and demanded I give him £5 for some new shoes.

So I gave him £5 and followed him to see if he got new shoes. He turned down one road, picking up the pace, the end of his baggy jeans scuffing the pavement. He took a sharp left turn down an alleyway, down which I pursued him for some three or four minutes at a safe distance of around three hundred...

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose


(Lack toes)

Why do dogs chew on shoes?

Because they have they have a taste for fashion!

(Courtesy of my 9 year old after our new puppy chewed on my wife's expensive shoes)

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today

Isnt it funny what you can find in pharmacies' gift/novelty shops?

What do you call two shoes in love?

Solemates

The sign says “Shoes repaired while you wait”

The guy walks in and the shoemaker says they’ll be ready Thursday ...

I thought you said while I wait?

The shoemaker replies...

“If you you want to wait, wait!”

Bought a pair of new shoes the other day - clerk said they might be a bit tight the first couple of days.

That’s fine I said - I’m not gonna wear them until Friday.

Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your shoes on the mat as you came in?

New Employee: Yes sir.



Boss: We are also very keen on truthfulness. There's no mat.

A man buys shoes

After paying, the shoe seller tells him: "the shoes could be tight in the first week."

Man: "I won't wear them for the first week then."

Walk A Mile In A Man’s Shoes

Walk a mile in a persons shoes, cause then if they are upset they are a mile away and they are barefoot...

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A young muslim boy asks his dad " what are you wearing on your head?"

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, ...

Never trust Velcro shoes

They’re a real rip off

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An American shoe and an Australian married shoe enter a bar....

The Australian shoes says to his friend

"I got a big favor to ask you,could you nail my soulmate, please?"

"Really? Wont you get mad?!"

"Of course not, youre my best friend"

"But...why?!"

"Its something i cant do myself since i dont feel confident enough"

"....

How can u tell a computer scientist is an introvert or an extrovert?

The extrovert looks at your shoes while having conversation while the introvert looks at his own shoe.

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How did hitler tie his shoes?

In knotsies.

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

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A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but pants.

The host asks: "What are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I am a premature ejaculation!"

To which the host replies: "Interesting... But why are you not wearing a shirt or shoes or a hat or anything else?"

The man says: "Well I just came in my pants!"

What are an amphibians favorite kind of shoes?

Open-toad sandals

I asked the guy in the shoe shop if they sold any running shoes.

He said, "No, they're all stationary."

Kanye sold ugly shoes for $500 , no ones gonna top that!

Apple: hold my monitor

Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes

You can't call yourself a shoe-thief

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Never say anything bad about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.




By then he’s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can fucking say whatever you want about the cunt.

I used to feel sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet.

I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

I was in the dentist's chair.

He looked at my shoes and said, "Very nice loafers there, very nice."

"Thanks," I said.

Then he looked at my leather bag. "Love the bag, too. Very stylish, very nice."

"Thanks," I said.

He looked out the window while I rinsed my mouth out, and said, "That car is divine. I...

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At a big party, Mr. T himself complimented the alligator suede shoes I wore! I told him "I killed it myself, because it kept pooping on my lawn!" Mr. T laughed and said "You know what they say..."

"If the foo' shits, wear it."

The cowboy

A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the s...

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Student wearing one black and one white shoe in the class

Teacher : Go home and change your shoes.
Student : What's the point. At home also there is one black and one White only.

Did you know that in malaria ridden areas, muslims are not required to remove shoes when entering their praying buildings?

Mosque-y toe control is essential.

Why do shoes make such bad politicians?

Because they have soles.

My wife

My wife came into the bedroom and in a strict voice she said "take my blouse off", so I took her blouse off.

"Take my shoes off", I took her shoes off

"Remove my skirt", I removed her skirt.

"Take my stockings off", slowly I took her stockings off.

"Now remove my bra", I ...

Don't put your wooden shoes in the toilet

It clogs

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. ...

“Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone,” mother said, going upstairs.

But I couldn’t help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.

“Nobody’s going to wear those,” I said. “They’re stupid.”

But on he worked.

I didn't think wearing orthopedic shoes would help

But I stand corrected

Do you know why I sneak around in leather shoes?

Because they are made of hide.

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