Don't judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you do judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today.

No clue what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. ...

To whoever stole my shoes and hi-vis vest

You can run but you can't hide

No shirt no shoes no service

I've been lied to my entire life. I walked into 7-11 naked and my phone still worked just fine.

Why do dogs chew on shoes?

Because they have they have a taste for fashion!

(Courtesy of my 9 year old after our new puppy chewed on my wife's expensive shoes)

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today

Isnt it funny what you can find in pharmacies' gift/novelty shops?

What shoes does hilliary clinton wear.......


Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose

(Lack toes)

Bought a pair of new shoes the other day - clerk said they might be a bit tight the first couple of days.

That’s fine I said - I’m not gonna wear them until Friday.

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

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Hey, Watson! Is that mud on your shoes?

No, shit. Sherlock.

What do you call two shoes in love?


Never trust Velcro shoes

They’re a real rip off

Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your shoes on the mat as you came in?

New Employee: Yes sir.

Boss: We are also very keen on truthfulness. There's no mat.

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How did hitler tie his shoes?

In knotsies.

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

The sign says “Shoes repaired while you wait”

The guy walks in and the shoemaker says they’ll be ready Thursday ...

I thought you said while I wait?

The shoemaker replies...

“If you you want to wait, wait!”

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

I asked the guy in the shoe shop if they sold any running shoes.

He said, "No, they're all stationary."

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At a big party, Mr. T himself complimented the alligator suede shoes I wore! I told him "I killed it myself, because it kept pooping on my lawn!" Mr. T laughed and said "You know what they say..."

"If the foo' shits, wear it."

Kanye sold ugly shoes for $500 , no ones gonna top that!

Apple: hold my monitor

What are an amphibians favorite kind of shoes?

Open-toad sandals

I used to feel sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet.

I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes

You can't call yourself a shoe-thief

What kind of shoes do spies wear?


Did you know that in malaria ridden areas, muslims are not required to remove shoes when entering their praying buildings?

Mosque-y toe control is essential.

Why do shoes make such bad politicians?

Because they have soles.

Don't put your wooden shoes in the toilet

It clogs

Do you know why I sneak around in leather shoes?

Because they are made of hide.

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Never say anything bad about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

By then he’s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can fucking say whatever you want about the cunt.

Why do the shoes always lose?!

Because of defeat!

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn

My wife is mad enough that I bought the chinchilla in the first place. She's going to freak out when she sees the accessories. I gotta get rid of them ASAP.

What type of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad.

I have no friend but I love my shoes

They're my sole companions.

A nun wakes up in the morning and steps out into the corridor

“Woke up on the wrong side of bed sister?” Asked the first nun she passed by.

“No?” She replied, puzzled.

This carried on the entire corridor, with every passing nun asking her the same question.

Exasperated and angry, she reaches the end of the corridor, and upon seeing the M...

Patient: Doctor, I have accidentally swallowed the “DO NOT EAT” packet from my new shoes, will I die?!!

Doctor: Well, everyone’s going to die eventually.
Patient; Everyone?!.. Oh my god, what have I done?!!!

I didn't think wearing orthopedic shoes would help

But I stand corrected

When I took my shoes off, my grandad asked me if I was wearing golfing socks...

because there’s a hole in one....

Smugglers have began hiding drugs in the soles of their shoes. You shouldn't trust them

They're probably laced

What did Aquaman say to Mera when she got new shoes

Water those

I'm learning how to make clown shoes...

It's no small feat.

I asked the blonde why she had TGIF written on her shoes even though it's Monday.

She replied, "Toes Go In First".

There was a friend of mine who always spoke to his shoes.

They had plenty of Converse-ations.

Buy the best running shoes you can afford.

You'll thank yourself in the long run.

What're a plumber's least favourite shoes?


Sitting with my shoes off next to a warm campfire eating corn chips.


Shiny shoes

A man buys shoes that shine like a mirror and goes dancing at a club. To impress women, he bets them that he can guess their favorite color. When he begins dancing with the first woman, he tells that her favorite color is red. He dances with a second woman and tells her favorite color is blue. The w...

What did Stephen Hawkins do when his shoes fell off?

He would re-boot

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

What do Germans use to clean their shoes?


You can get shoes like Zion Williamson's for cheap.

Nike is having a blowout sale!

What shoes do they make out of banana skins?


A man walks into a Large & popular Pet Shop and says to the owner......

"All right, I want to buy a pet, but something special,something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 75 dollars.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the mo...

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They say if you have a big car you have a small dick and if you have big shoes you have a big dick...

No wonder people are so afraid of clowns

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Why did Obama wear shoes, but Trump wears boots?

During the Obama years the shit was only ankle deep.

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A man walks into a pet store

He tells the attendant that he is chasing something a little different, “everyone has dogs and cats and birds and fish, I want something different”

The attendant says “I’ve got just the thing, here, we have a talking centipede”

“Perfect says the man, that sounds great ill take one of...

Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.

Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack paddy whack.

Credit: This was a Colin Mochrie joke from an early Who's Line is it Any Way e...

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A man decides to get rid of the cat who keep crappin in his shoes...

So he takes the cat to the local park, releases him in the bushes and goes home.

Upon coming home, his wife tells him the cat's back and sleepin on the couch.

The man is shocked but determined to get rid of the cat, he drives the cat into the forest and walks deep into the woods and re...

Which are Voldemort's favourite shoes?

His horro*crocs*.

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I can tell just by the shoes a woman wears if I'm going to fuck her or not.

If she's wearing 3" heels or higher, I'm definitely going to be fucking her.

If she's wearing nice comfy running shoes, I'm probably not going to be able to catch her.

What do you call a milkman wearing high heeled shoes...?

A Dairy Queen.

Why do gingers buy so many shoes?

It's the only legal way to acquire soles.

If you were a dog, what would be your favorite kind of shoes to chew?

The ones from Delhi.

Thats because they are Delhi-shoes

My brother has a strange relationship with shoes

He converses with them

I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place.

It turns out that shoes have soles.

I asked my pet pigeon what he thought of my new shoes

he said it was coo

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OC (I wrote this) So there's an old man in a nursing home struggling to put on his shoes..

Hey I wrote a joke today I thought you might enjoy:
So there's an old man in the Nursing home named Henderson, he was getting on in his years and required a nurse to help him with his day to day as we all will hopefully. But today he had a brand new nurse. She helped him with all of the normal th...

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I brought my wife a pair of shoes and a dildo for Christmas this year

So if she don’t like the shoes she can go fuck herself

What are the crummiest shoes?


Did you hear about the guy who tried to run a race with empty two-liters as shoes?

Yeah... He was soda feeted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Laura Bush wear shoes as first lady but Melania wears boots?

During the Bush administration the bullshit only came up to your ankles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of shoes did Hitler make his wife wear?

Ze heil heels!!!

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Did I ever tell you about my friend who bought experimental AI shoes?

He always stayed out late drinking and partying and most mornings he woke up god knows where, no wallet or phone, completely lost and stranded.

One day he met a man at a bar, they got talking and the man told him about these new shoes his company was developing; no matter how out of it you we...

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Two Arab guys get on a plane

One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off an Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was just settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a Coke.”

“No pr...

I saw a guy with no shoes today

Couldn't tell if he was homeless or protesting Nike

My dad, grandad, great grandad and great great grandad were all circus clowns.

Not something I ever wanted to do. Their shoes were just too big to fill.

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