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Scorpion Jokes

What did Scorpion say when Sonya dumped Johnny Cage?

Get over her!

What kind of song did Sub-Zero, Raiden, and Scorpion sing at their Scandinavian church?

Finnish Hymn!

Part Spider, part Scorpion creature found in Amber

Johnny Depp is glad that he isn't that creature.

How do you stop a scorpion?

Just set it to scorpi-off

A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...

In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.

In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.

In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.

what do you get if you cross an octopus with a scorpion?

A freeze on your funding, and an immediate visit from the ethics committee.

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent…

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The...

My friend gets crickets when he needs to feed his pet scorpion. Do you know when I get crickets?

Every time I tell a joke.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke about the different branches of the US military.

“What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”

A sailor says, “I’d step on it”

A soldier says “ I’d report it to my CO”

A marine says “I’d catch it, cut off it’s tail and eat it!”

An airman responds “I’d pick up the phone and call room service and ask why’s the...

officer Training School

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?

NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answ...

With the coronavirus, Scorpion is now saying...

"Stay over there!"

Yo Momma so ugly...

Scorpion from Mortal Kombat be like "Stay over there."

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
“What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”
A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”
A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”
A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Top 3 most unattainable liquids in the universe

3. Extracted deathstalker scorpion venom, costing no less than $39,000,000 per gallon. Truly an enormous sum, even for the wealthiest of wealthy.

2. The wine from the holy grail, necessitating a hazardous journey to both life and limb, and discernable only to the purest of heart.

1. *T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Department of Defense wanted to improve their survival training...

The select a sergeant from the Army, Marine Corp, and Air Force for interview, in order to see what they already know.

The interviewer asked the three sergeants, "OK. What would you do if you were away on deployment, you're about to go to sleep, when you find a large scorpion in your tent."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are trekking across the desert... [Long]

Two of them are thirsty, but the last is holding an empty wine bottle, and is drunk af. Suddenly, a holy light shines down on them, and St. Peter appears.

"There's not a drop of water around for miles" he says. "But I have a task for each of you: if you complete them, you will be granted enou...

Fear the wrath!

Things that people who come to Australia are afraid of: Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks, Crocs, Jellyfish, Octopus, Stone Fish, Feral Pigs, Giant bulls, Emus, and Kangaroos.
Things that Australians are afraid of: Magpies.

What did Scorpion say when Sub-Zero wouldn't stop pining over his ex-girlfriend?

Get Over Her!

According to Hesiod version, Orion was likely the son of the sea-god Poseidon and Euryale.

Orion could walk on the waves because of his father; he walked to the island of Chios where he got drunk and attacked Merope, daughter of Oenopion, the ruler there. In vengeance, Oenopion blinded Orion and drove him away. Orion stumbled to Lemnos where Hephaestus—the smith-god—had his forge. Hephaes...

This Halloween on the East Coast

I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.

A frog is sitting alone on the Jordan River's banks...

A Frog is sitting alone on the Jordan River's banks, when a long comes a Scorpion.

 

The Scorpion says "Frog, I wish to cross this river, would you please carry me across on your back?"

 

The Frog responds, "We are natural enemies, why should I do that? ...

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