Ad Jokes - 97 Hilarious Ad Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

A man answered an ad that read "Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour"..

When he arrived he was told he'd have to take a welding test.

He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.

When the boss asked him why he did this he replied "One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr".

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

What word means the same thing with several letters added?

Mailbox

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder is the opposite of ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man saw an ad in the newspaper for a free talking dog...

He thought it was impossible, so he went to the address to check it out.
Standing at the fence to the backyard of the house was a normal-looking German Shepherd.

The man, wanting to prove the ad wrong asked the dog, "so are you the talking dog?"

Surprisingly, the dog replied, "yeah...

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

Guys, don't install Ad Blocker

I did, and now hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more :(

I saw an ad for an innuendo competition in the newspaper.

So I entered my sister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stripper's dating ad

A stripper got desperate and tired of the men she was with always turning out to be assholes. She puts an ad on a dating say simply saying "I want a man who will never beat me, never run away from me, and is good in bed" after dating a few more assholes the doorbell rings one day. She opens the door...

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I..

...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.

He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.

He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.

One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...

Newspaper ad:

Needed: identical twin sisters with large difference in weight, for advertising a weight loss program.

Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence

For example:

Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.

Jeffrey ate John's colon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

YouTube ads are like men.

Popping up every thirty seconds.

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on PornHub the other day and there was an ad that read: 'free asian pics'.

When I clicked on it it was just a picture of Xi Jinping.

AD 1147, A king decides to join other monarchs on Crusade in the Holy Land

He readies his army and appoints a regent to rule in his absence, then consults with his chamberlain to put his personal affairs in order.
"Most importantly, he concluded, I entrust you with this." handing the chamberlain a small bronze key. "If I should fall in battle you must give this to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every job ad nowadays says they want a "Rockstar"

but when I snort coke off a customer's breasts, they fire me!

If not for the last five seconds of a perfume ad,

...no one would have known it's a perfume ad.

my favourite logical fallacy is the ad hominem

and if you disagree, you're an idiot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman put an ad in on Craigslist

"Want: a man who won't run around on me, a man who won't abuse me, and a man who is great in bed. Please apply in person."

She submitted it and waited a few weeks, but no one came to apply.

Finally, the door bell ran one morning. She went to answer the doorbell and there was a man in a...

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AdBlock ruined my life

There are no more hot singles near me

I keep adding bath salts in the tub

But it still doesn't taste right.

Ever since I downloaded AdBlock on my computer...

All the local girls in my area seem to have lost interest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TV ad for Benson's Nails

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad."

A week goes by and the marketing execut...

My L‌‌esbian n‌‌eighbours E‌‌va a‌‌nd J‌‌ulia a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌recently.

They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌eren't m‌‌an h‌‌aters!

For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ v‌‌asectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Submitted Dating ad:

I am man, 33, looking for a long term relationship.
Profession: Member of parliament for 11 years.
Traits: Strenuous, hard-working, righteous, honest, incorrupt, truthful, fighting for the rights of poor people.

Answer:
I am 30.
Profession: Working 15 years as a prostitute.
Tra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the suggested ads I'm seeing online today are for and it's frustrating and annoying.

I think they're just trying to get a rise out of me.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox,

but he spends all his time on the dashboard.

My brother recently seen an ad on kijiji for a 42" TV.

Boy was he shocked when a crossdressing little person showed up at his door.

An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.

"Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?"

"No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one."

"Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me."<...

Ever since I installed AdBlocker

There are no more hot singles in my area waiting to meet

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

Most successful personal ad in the UK ever

Old, fat, bald, poor man seeks woman. HAVE AIR CON

Turns out there are hundreds of woman in my area who want to meet me right now!

What's the worst part about Ad Blockers?

Suddenly, there's no more hot moms in my area who want to meet up anymore

What movie was basically just an ad?

The Hulk. It was just one giant Banner.

A man sees an ad in the paper

The ad reads "Guaranteed program to help you get fit!"

The man thinks to himself "you know, I can stand to lose a few pounds" and calls the number. A man answers the phone and says "thank you for contacting us. We offer 3 plans. The first is our lightest plan and the third is our most intens...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Of all the logical fallacies (ad hominem, straw man, causal) my favorite is the phallusy fallacy...

its when you're wrong AND you're being a about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old women posts a dating ad.

" I need a man who wont beat me, wont leave me, and must be good in bed. Will share all my wealth."

A day later, she hears her door bell ring. To her surprise a man with no legs or arms in a wheel chair greets her.

" this is a joke right? Are you here about the ad?" says the women....

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the nex...

I guess the TV ads were lying to us all the time.

Aren’t you supposed to call the doctor if your election lasts this long?

Why didn't the Scottish roofer click on the naughty webpage ad?

He'd had enough hot shingles in his area already.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady puts an ad in the paper, looking for a husband...

She decides honesty is the best policy, and sets three rules that applicants must meet:

They must not run around on her.
They must not hit her.
They must be good in bed.

A few days go by after she placed her ad, when the doorbell rings. She opens the door to find an old guy ...

A nail company wants to expand their business...

The firm, a long-established family company called Wilson's Nails, has seen their revenue declining in recent years and decides to try an ad campaign to boost sales. They contact a highly regarded Madison Avenue ad agency to produce an ad for them; After a few weeks, the agency sits the owners and s...

Diamond ad companies

Diamonds are forever

Diamonds will take her breath away

Diamonds will render her speechless

What they really mean,

diamonds, that'll shut her up!

Credit: Ron white

A man placed an ad online saying, "Wife wanted."

He got hundreds of messages the next day saying, "You can have mine."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daughters.

A mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period Because Mom was a bit worried about how their life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital felt.

The first girl se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the deer prostitute say in her ad?

Get more bang for your buck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ad agencies use Meiosis?

Because cells!

I thought of this during biology earlier lol

I saw an ad for a vintage French military rifle today

Never fired, dropped once

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife asked what would happen if we added smoking weed to our

I answered : “489”

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of ...

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar

The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

The Boy Scouts just added a level after Eagle

Plaintiff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor posts an ad in the paper...

So... this Doctor posts an ad saying "I can cure any disease for $500. If I can't cure you, you get $1000."
So this fellow who is looking to make a quick buck figures, what the hell. Looking on the internet for a disease with no cure, he finds -Tastoritis- the inability to taste any food.
"Do...

Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update

I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.

I saw an ad looking for a bike for an 11 year old boy.

Terrible trade. He eats a ton and is not a hard worker.

The CEO of a company was in need of a secretary

He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he thought it was a joke, so he decided to test the dog:

...

A guy sees an ad in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."

The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.

The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.

He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you wan...

Corona didn’t need an ad in the Super Bowl for their beer.

It’s already gone viral.

[Ad] We asked 100 people what it’s like getting the chair..

The results will shock you…

I saw an ad for burial plots

and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are a pornstar and a mobile game ad the same?

You watch it for 30 seconds and then hit the "x" button.

Jewish ad campaign

Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sund...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake Ads be like []

\-Hot girls

\-fron your Area

\-Want to

Pick 2.

Someone saw an ad stating "I make your excellent birthday parties or weddings even better " then got curios and called the number on the ad then asked.

\- What do you do to make good birthday parties or weddings even better?

\- I sing on the cake.

Note: just a little cake day joke.

Adding Flavor

Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step? Try dropping it on the floor. It really gives it that fall flavor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an ad about dildos. It said ‘9 inches and realistic’.

I was like ‘well, which is it?’

Can somebody help me translate 'orbis terrarum ad mihi' from Latin?

It would mean the world to me.

Entry level job ad

Minimum 8 years of experience

You can call me an ad...

Because I keep getting blocked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw an ad for a butterfly knife

And I was like "a knife? How big are these butterflies?"

What's a fat cannibal's favorite popup ad?

Are you looking for hot lo-cal singles in your area?

A man sees an ad for a local sporting goods store

There's a buy 1, get 1 free offer for shirts with a nautical theme print.

Later that day as he enters the store, lights begin to flash, balloons fall, and the store manager walks over holding a tent.

The man is confused. "I just came in for the sale of two sea tees!"

The ...

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ad was posted for a therapist's office

"If you have troubles, tell us about them. If not, tell us how you do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out using ad block pisses off more people than I originally thought.

None of the hot singles in my area wanted to have with me after I installed it.

The ad said, "Answers! $50. No questions asked."

So I handed the guy 50 bucks, he said "no" and walked away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tourism ad for Holland: Come, have and get stoned.

Below that
Tourism ad for Saudi Arabia: Ditto

Apparently adding herbs to your garbage can makes it smell better.

But I don't have thyme for that rubbish.

The worst thing about ad-libs...

Is that they are _____.

Saw an ad for 50% off laser hair removal

Why stop at half? Might as well get the whole thing done.

So local vet‘s video ad was banned.

It was a video showing how they treat a wet tiny kitten after being attacked by a massive rooster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh , I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NYC Ad Exec has had enough...

So he buys five acres in Oklahoma to get away from it all and starts the ranch and farming life. He's been living there alone with no other human contact for seven months. One day, this mountain of a dude comes ambling up. He says, "I'm your next door neighbor, five miles down the road. There's goi...

An ad campaign for pitted peaches (long)

So there’s a farmer and he wants to market his peaches. They are canned peaches and part of the appeal is you don’t have to pit them. They are pitted by other people before they get out in the cans! Easy! So he has this idea to hire a model to photograph in the process of pitting to communicate this...

Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

The Greeks invented the

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.