A moth walks into a gynecologist's office.

He sits down, put his legs in the stirrups and everything.


"Doc, I feel terrible. I think my wife is cheating on me. Sometimes I come home and I feel like I see other moths flying out the backyard.

I think my boy's on drugs. I found a lighter and some paper in his room the other...

I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied.

“You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He looked confused. “Then why are you here?”

“The light was on.”

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

A moth goes to a podiatrist

The podiatrist asks "what seems to be the problem?"

The moth says "Doc, where do I begin man."
"I hate my job, my boss doesn't even seem to know I exist even though I've worked my ase off for him for 20 years"
"My marriage is a joke, sometimes I look at my wife and realise I hardly even...

Advice from scientist who spent moths in solitude in South Pole.

It's OK to talk to penguins. You need to worry when they start to talk to you back.

You know the smell of moth balls?

Well I don’t, I can never get their little legs far enough apart.

What's the difference between a boy moth and a girl moth?

Moth balls

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Moth psychiatrist

A moth walks into a physiotherapists office and says "I don't know what's up with me doc. I just feel really down all the time, I don't know where my life is heading".

The physio says "Why have you come here? I'm a physiotherapist, you need a psychiatrist".

The moth replies "Your light...

Why do moths fly with their feet apart?

Have you seen the size of moth balls?

How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

Moths can't change lightbulbs but they keep trying.

My friend just asked me if I’ve ever smelled moth balls.

I said no, I can’t get their little legs apart.

What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?

Lampshades!

A guy goes into a dentist's office. The dentist says, "How can I help you?"

The guy says, "I am a moth."

The dentist says, "Excuse me?"

The guy again says, "I am a moth."

The dentist says, "I think maybe you should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a dentist."

The guy says, "I saw a psychiatrist."

The dentist says, "So what are you doing here?...

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A moth walks into a podiatrists office

Moth:hey there doc I’ve got a problem

Doctor:sure thing mr moth what can I help you with?

Moth:well you see doc, I lost my job because my boss is a total ass and I finally told him how I feel, got me fired. After that my wife left me because I wasn’t going to be making money for a whi...

How can you tell if a moth farts?

It flies straight for a moment.


(My earliest joke I can remember. Sorry if it’s a repost.)

What's a moth's favorite drink?

Cola Light.

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The doctor asks, "What's the problem?" The moth replies, "Doc, let me tell you. I hate my job. Every single day I have to go & I hate my boss and I hate my job. I wake up every day next to a woman that I once loved, but I stopped loving her long a...

Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.

You're in charge of the ship, but up ahead you see a lighthouse. You know you shouldn't... but...

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A horse is sitting at home bored on a Saturday afternoon... (long)

He decides its about time he gets into a new hobby, so he looks up the nearest guitar instructor, and gives him a call.

"Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar?"

The instructor replies, "well of course, its what they pay me for,"

"Well... there's just one problem," says the ...

How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

TIL crickets only do their iconic "yelling" chirp in the presence of wild moths. Unfortunately, my cricket has none.

He has no moth and he must scream.

a moth goes into a pediatrist’s office

the pediatrist asks the moth, “what seems to be the problem?”

the moth responds, “My whole life is a mess. My marriage is in shambles, my daughter married this guy who I despise and who despises me, my son is a wretched failure, which only reflects my own failures.”

Understandably conf...

A guy goes to a cardiologist and says, "I think I am a moth"

The doctor replies, "I think you should visit the psychiatrist, why have you come to me?"

The guys says, "Because your lights were on."

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The Moth joke (Norm McDonald)

So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "what's the problem?"

The moth says, "what's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinovich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, i don't even know what i do there anymore. I don't even know if Gregory...

What does a moth eat when it wants Asian food?

Plaid tie.

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I just realized I have no idea what moth balls smell like. Have you ever smelled a moth ball before?

“Yeah, they’re awful!”

How’d you manage to get those tiny legs apart?

Professor: this is the largest species of moth that we know of

Me: \*under breath\* ᵐᵃᵐᵐᵒᵗʰ

Why did the moth stick to the bride's face?

Because she was *GLOWING*

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A moth goes to the pediatrist.

The pediatrist asks him what the problem is. The moth sighs and says, “Well...it’s my job. I’ve been at the mill for nigh on two decades and I have begun to feel like I’m just plugging along waiting for the end. I’m still working toward something, but I thought by the time I got to be this age I’d h...

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I heard a rumour about this grey butterfly that hangs around street lights in dark alleys.

Turned out it was an urban moth

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.



“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.



“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

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What do you call a daddy moth after breeding with a mummy moth

MOTHerfucker

A man runs into a doctor's office, shouting "Doc, I need your help!"

The doctor asks what's wrong, the guy says "I think I'm a moth".

The doctor says "Sir, I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come in here?"

"The light was on."

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3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

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What do you call a moth in a supermarket?

I can't believe it's not butterfly.

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A moth is sitting in the psychiatrist office...

So a moth is sitting in the therapist office, and the therapist says, "So, how's work?" And the moth says, "Oh it's great, just wonderful, just got a promotion which came with a nice raise, they moved me up to the 15th floor and now I have the greatest view of Seattle anyone could ask for." And so t...

What is the biggest moth called?

A mammoth.

A moth goes into a dentists office at 11 PM

He goes to the lady behind the counter and says "i just won a million dollars in the lottery. So i bought my parents a mansion. As soon as i did the mansion burnt down, killing both of my parents and then i got hit by a car breaking my arm. I've never been more depressed or in debt in my life."
<...

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Moth Problem

A sales assistant walks up to an old lady in his store and asks if he can help.

The lady says, “Yes please. I have a bit of a moth problem at home and need something to get rid of them.”

The assistant points out where the mothballs are and the lady thanks him and buys a packet.
...

What's the moth's favourite car?

Lamporghini

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I know they are supposed to keep my closet fresh, but moth balls smell terrible.

It's not worth spreading their tiny, insect legs apart to smell them either.

A moth flys into a podiatrist's office

The doc says "hey moth why'd u fly in here"

The moth says "well my feet hurt"

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What's the worst part about smelling moth balls?

Having to move the moth dick out of the way first.

Theoretically a goat can get impregnated by a moth.

Scientists have never attempted the experiment however, as they don't want to create more goth kids.

What did Mick Jagger do when he found his cupboard was infested with moths?

Nothing. A rolling stone gathers no moths.

I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth...

That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…

Moth Joke

A moth goes into a dietitian's office looking very unwell.


The dietitian goes, "What seems to be the problem?"


The moth replies, "Where to start, doc? Each day I wake up at 6:00 a.m. next to a moth wife I once loved, who I have slowly drifted away from over the days. Her once...

A man bursts into a dentist’s waiting room.

“Oooh, ooooh, I’m a moth, I’m a moth!” he exclaims. 

 “This is dentist, not a psychiatrist,” says the receptionist, “why did you come in here?“ 

 “Your light was on,” says the man.

I’m a moth

I walked into a dentist’s office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.

I said, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist said, “You’re a moth?”

I said, “Yes! I’m a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I’m a moth!”

The dentist said, “Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist’s...

How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but they are literally killing themselves trying.

I was aiming for a little light humour but I think it's actually rather dark because of the amount of death I've witnessed in the writing of this joke.

Written by Drew P. Robertson on July 19th 2015 just in case of any fu...

If I hold one moth ball in my right hand and another moth ball in my left, what do I have?

A bloody big moth!

Why do moths throw the best parties?

Because whenever they get together its always lit

Why did the moth kill the other moth?

He was a member of the Mothia.

Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth?

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

A man goes to an orthopedic and tells him: "Doc, I think I'm a moth"

The doctor responds: "Well, in that case a psychiatrist may be able to help you better."

Man: "I know, but I saw you're lights were on!"

A moth flies into a Paediatrician's office...

Upon entering, he takes a seat and begins talking.

Moth: Doc, my life is coming apart. The wife has become very distant and my kids are giving me no notice. I'm starting to get really depressed all the time. I've been taking medication but it isn't helping.

The Paediatrician is confuse...

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An attractive woman is in bed with her secret lover.

She hears her husband come home unexpectedly and tells her naked lover to jump into the wardrobe and hides his clothes. The husband walks into the bedroom to find his wife reading. “Hello honey, I got off work early and went to the gym, I desperately need a shower”. He opened the wardrobe door to ge...

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NSFW 2 Nuns

2 Nuns have been tucked away in a convent for the last 2 years when the Mother Superior approaches them and informs them that due to their dedication and devotion over the last 2 years she will take them on a trip to the nearest village.

The 2 sisters smile with glee and anticipation to the ...

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It’s going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

The Moth

A moth went into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist said, "What seems to be the problem?"
The moth replied, "What's the problem?! Where do I even begin? For one thing, I'm breaking my back day in and day out, working long hours for next to no pay at a thankless job where my horrible...

What do you call someone who only mingles at night?

A social moth

What do you call a nocturnal flying creature that's attracted to neon lights?

An urban moth

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