This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moth are not actually attracted to lights

That's just where all the big tiddy moth bitches hang out

A moth walks into a podiatrist’s office.

He says “Doc, I’m not doing so well. My wife, Mrs. Moth is thinking of leaving me, my son Julio Moth hates me, my daughter Cindy Moth is a failure, and my boss Gregory Linovich is an evil person who feeds off my very demise. You see, I work at a factory and I’ve been at the place for 20 plus years. ...

Have you ever smelled moth balls?

How did you get their legs apart?

A woman who is 3 moths pregnant falls into a deep coma.

6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Well it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irish daughter hadn't been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n ...

How can you tell when a moth farts?

It flies in a straight line.

The doctor gave me six moths to live.

I shot him. The judge gave me twenty years. Problem solved.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?

Lampshades!

So a moth walks into a bar...

... which is odd because moths can fly.

A moth walks into a gynecologist's office.

He sits down, put his legs in the stirrups and everything.


"Doc, I feel terrible. I think my wife is cheating on me. Sometimes I come home and I feel like I see other moths flying out the backyard.

I think my boy's on drugs. I found a lighter and some paper in his room the other...

If you have a moth ball in one hand and a moth ball in the other, what have you got?

A bloody big moth!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth is on his death bed, surrounded by family. “Go to the light!” says his wife...

The moth opens one eye and says- “No shit, bitch!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Troubled moth.

Moth flutters into a podiatrist office ..

doc: what be the problem moth?

Moth: I don’t even know where to begin... life suck , people really fuckin suck, I want to take my fully loaded and cocked 9mm n blow my god damn brains out.

Doc: whoaa! You’re troubled moth!! But why did...

The one with the Exterminator

A woman is in bed with his
Lover when her husband arrives home. The lover immediately hides inside the closet, while the woman covers with a sheet.
The husband changes clothes and opens the closet, finding the naked man.
“what are you doing in this closet?”, the husband asks.
- well,...

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The doctor asks, "What's the problem?" The moth replies, "Doc, let me tell you. I hate my job. Every single day I have to go & I hate my boss and I hate my job. I wake up every day next to a woman that I once loved, but I stopped loving her long a...

How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

Moths can't change lightbulbs but they keep trying.

Why do moths fly with their legs open?

Have you seen the size of moth balls?

A moth and a firefighter walk into a bar...

It was alight.

I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied.

“You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He looked confused. “Then why are you here?”

“The light was on.”

You know the smell of moth balls?

Well I don’t, I can never get their little legs far enough apart.

Two men stole a calendar...

They got 6 moths each

Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.

You're in charge of the ship, but up ahead you see a lighthouse. You know you shouldn't... but...

A moth goes to a podiatrist

The podiatrist asks "what seems to be the problem?"

The moth says "Doc, where do I begin man."
"I hate my job, my boss doesn't even seem to know I exist even though I've worked my ase off for him for 20 years"
"My marriage is a joke, sometimes I look at my wife and realise I hardly even...

What's the difference between a boy moth and a girl moth?

Moth balls

a moth goes into a pediatrist’s office

the pediatrist asks the moth, “what seems to be the problem?”

the moth responds, “My whole life is a mess. My marriage is in shambles, my daughter married this guy who I despise and who despises me, my son is a wretched failure, which only reflects my own failures.”

Understandably conf...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moth psychiatrist

A moth walks into a physiotherapists office and says "I don't know what's up with me doc. I just feel really down all the time, I don't know where my life is heading".

The physio says "Why have you come here? I'm a physiotherapist, you need a psychiatrist".

The moth replies "Your light...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth walks into a podiatrists office

Moth:hey there doc I’ve got a problem

Doctor:sure thing mr moth what can I help you with?

Moth:well you see doc, I lost my job because my boss is a total ass and I finally told him how I feel, got me fired. After that my wife left me because I wasn’t going to be making money for a whi...

How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

How can you tell if a moth farts?

It flies straight for a moment.


(My earliest joke I can remember. Sorry if it’s a repost.)

TIL crickets only do their iconic "yelling" chirp in the presence of wild moths. Unfortunately, my cricket has none.

He has no moth and he must scream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Moth joke (Norm McDonald)

So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "what's the problem?"

The moth says, "what's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinovich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, i don't even know what i do there anymore. I don't even know if Gregory...

A guy goes to a cardiologist and says, "I think I am a moth"

The doctor replies, "I think you should visit the psychiatrist, why have you come to me?"

The guys says, "Because your lights were on."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth goes to the pediatrist.

The pediatrist asks him what the problem is. The moth sighs and says, “Well...it’s my job. I’ve been at the mill for nigh on two decades and I have begun to feel like I’m just plugging along waiting for the end. I’m still working toward something, but I thought by the time I got to be this age I’d h...

What does a moth eat when it wants Asian food?

Plaid tie.

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.



“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.



“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized I have no idea what moth balls smell like. Have you ever smelled a moth ball before?

“Yeah, they’re awful!”

How’d you manage to get those tiny legs apart?

Professor: this is the largest species of moth that we know of

Me: \*under breath\* ᵐᵃᵐᵐᵒᵗʰ

Why did the moth stick to the bride's face?

Because she was *GLOWING*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone keeps saying they hate the smell of moth balls

But I just keep wondering how they spread those tiny legs apart.

I was organizing my closet and decided to smell the moth balls. Yuck.

The hardest part was holding his tiny legs apart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a moth in a supermarket?

I can't believe it's not butterfly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth is sitting in the psychiatrist office...

So a moth is sitting in the therapist office, and the therapist says, "So, how's work?" And the moth says, "Oh it's great, just wonderful, just got a promotion which came with a nice raise, they moved me up to the 15th floor and now I have the greatest view of Seattle anyone could ask for." And so t...

What is the biggest moth called?

A mammoth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moth Problem

A sales assistant walks up to an old lady in his store and asks if he can help.

The lady says, “Yes please. I have a bit of a moth problem at home and need something to get rid of them.”

The assistant points out where the mothballs are and the lady thanks him and buys a packet.
...

What's the moth's favourite car?

Lamporghini

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know they are supposed to keep my closet fresh, but moth balls smell terrible.

It's not worth spreading their tiny, insect legs apart to smell them either.

Guy walks into a doctor’s office convinced he’s a moth.

Doc: What’s wrong sir?
Guy: I’m a moth.
Doc: Excuse me?
Guy: I’m convinced I’m a moth.
Doc: You don’t need a medical doctor, you need a psychiatrist.
Guy: I know, but your light was on.

I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth...

That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…

A moth goes into a dentists office at 11 PM

He goes to the lady behind the counter and says "i just won a million dollars in the lottery. So i bought my parents a mansion. As soon as i did the mansion burnt down, killing both of my parents and then i got hit by a car breaking my arm. I've never been more depressed or in debt in my life."
<...

Moth Joke

A moth goes into a dietitian's office looking very unwell.


The dietitian goes, "What seems to be the problem?"


The moth replies, "Where to start, doc? Each day I wake up at 6:00 a.m. next to a moth wife I once loved, who I have slowly drifted away from over the days. Her once...

Theoretically a goat can get impregnated by a moth.

Scientists have never attempted the experiment however, as they don't want to create more goth kids.

I’m a moth

I walked into a dentist’s office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.

I said, “I’m a moth.”

The dentist said, “You’re a moth?”

I said, “Yes! I’m a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I’m a moth!”

The dentist said, “Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist’s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst part about smelling moth balls?

Having to move the moth dick out of the way first.

How many moths does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but they are literally killing themselves trying.

I was aiming for a little light humour but I think it's actually rather dark because of the amount of death I've witnessed in the writing of this joke.

Written by Drew P. Robertson on July 19th 2015 just in case of any fu...

A moth flies into a Pediatrist's office.

He says "Doc, you gotta help me. I got no purpose in my life. My wife left me, I lost my job, my kids won't even speak to me. I'm having a hard time keeping it together... I mean, every day I wake up thinking about just ending it all."
The pediatrist says "whoa, slow down there, little buddy! I'...

A moth flys into a podiatrist's office

The doc says "hey moth why'd u fly in here"

The moth says "well my feet hurt"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse is sitting at home bored on a Saturday afternoon... (long)

He decides its about time he gets into a new hobby, so he looks up the nearest guitar instructor, and gives him a call.

"Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar?"

The instructor replies, "well of course, its what they pay me for,"

"Well... there's just one problem," says the ...

A moth flies into a Paediatrician's office...

Upon entering, he takes a seat and begins talking.

Moth: Doc, my life is coming apart. The wife has become very distant and my kids are giving me no notice. I'm starting to get really depressed all the time. I've been taking medication but it isn't helping.

The Paediatrician is confuse...

What did Mick Jagger do when he found his cupboard was infested with moths?

Nothing. A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Why do moths throw the best parties?

Because whenever they get together its always lit

Why did the moth kill the other moth?

He was a member of the Mothia.

Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth?

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

A man runs into a doctor's office, shouting "Doc, I need your help!"

The doctor asks what's wrong, the guy says "I think I'm a moth".

The doctor says "Sir, I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come in here?"

"The light was on."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a rumour about this grey butterfly that hangs around street lights in dark alleys.

Turned out it was an urban moth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

My girlfriend told me I sound kind of weird when I refer to her parents as father and mother

She told me it's best to shorten it to sound more young and modern

Her parents didn't take it well when I said "Good morning, Fat and Moth"

The Moth

Bloke walks into a chippy and says, 'Please help me, I think I'm a moth'.
The chippy owner says 'Well, that's all very well, but this is a chippy, you need to see a doctor'.
The bloke says 'I am seeing a doctor'.
Chippy owner says, 'Well, what are you doing in here?
Bloke says, 'Well I w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.