I met the most minuscule insect and he was really well behaved.

He was a beady ant.

How do you make an insect feel sad?

With depressant!

A 6 legged insect came up to me and said “Help, my wife, Eve, has eaten an apple and is now trapped by the devil!” I asked him, “are you sure?”

He replied, “yes, I’m Adam-ant”

Why are insects farmed for food always organic?

They don't use insecticide.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

New insect species discovered

Scientists have recently discovered a new species of beetle that only lives for 14 days.

Many possible names were suggested and rejected, but it was finally decided to call it the Battlegrounds beetle, because it dies after a fortnight.

What do you call insects on the moon?

Lunatics

What do you call it when there are small numbers of insects living in your apartment walls?

TenAnts

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family was driving behind the garbage truck

... when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry honey - that was just an insect."

To which little Johnny replies "I'm surprised it could get off the fucking ground with a co...

What do you call an insect who is in trouble with the law?

“A defendANT”

Two Middle-earth entomologists are looking at a small insect...

"It looks like a tick", says the first. "No, it has wings, I am certain it is a beetle", says the other.

After some arguing, they call in an expert.

Gandalf takes one look and says,

"Fly, you fools!"

Insect is a dangerous word to type with autocorrect on

I just told my boss that I love incests and invited her to see my collection at home.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

Some pesky insects into my house today. I told them to "git out" and they scared me by speaking.

They said, "git: 'out' is not a git command. See 'git --help'"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just ate all the insects in our nature reserve, and my boss is about to find out...

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.

What do you call an insect in a Muslim place of worship?

A mosque-ito!

I did pretty well in my insect catching exam...

I got a bee.

What do you call a black and yellow insect that isn't overly confident in itself?

A humblebee.

A fruit, an insect, and a Chinese surname walk into a bar.

Well, a pear, ant, lee.

What do you get if you crossbreed a rabbit with an insect?

Bugs Bunny

I was in the kitchen when a flying insect came through the window and exploded.

I think it was a jihaddy long legs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when an insect has a hardware fetish?

A butterfly nut.

Who are the bookkeepers of the insect world?

Account ants.

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

I wrote a game about insects that didn’t go well.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the “it’s buggy as hell” reviews as good ratings.

Did you hear about the insect transport plane that crashed into the Duct factory?

Don't worry, it's all caught on tape

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an insect?

Dead ant.

Dead ant.

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead aaaaaaant!

Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk?

Because it was a mute ant.

At first I didn't think I needed my History course on Columbus's ships bringing harmful insects to America.

But it ended up being an import ant class.

What do you call an insect that used to drive people around for money?

Exuberant

The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects...

...but he did one on the fly.

Which insect has great hair?

An ear-wig!

An insect falls into a mug of beer

Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out.

American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away.

Indian : Sells the beer to the American, insect to the Chinese and gets a fresh beer for himself.

Pakistani : Accuses t...

What do you call a wary Russian insect?

Cagey Bee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an insect with a massive penis?

Daddy schlong legs

What do you call a small insect that likes to download things illegally off the internet?

A Tor-ant

(OC) What kind of insect always flies back to you?

A frisbee.

I was a party. My friend said, "You see that girl over there? She's hardcore. She gets high by snorting insects."

I made a beeline for her.

Did you know that fireflies are the smartest insect?

They're the brightest one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got caught smuggling insects

I was anxious. My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.

Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects?

Because he's an ex-terminator

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Known as the "one-day insect" the Mayfly has the shortest lifespan of all organisms...

But it still lives longer than my headphones.

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

What do you call an insect on your family tree?

An ANT-cestor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Giant Insect!

Young Mathilda is out driving with her mom as suddenly a giant dildo slams the front window.

They were both shocked and Mathilda asks her mom what it was.

A little flustered her mom innocently told her that it was just an insect.

Mathilda then said "Wow that insect had a giant c...

Hey, Gandalf! What's your favourite kind of insect?

FLY, YOU FOOLS!

Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

What insect is the Wood Ant related to?

The Should Ant and the Could Ant.

What's the last thing that goes through an insects mind when it hits the windscreen?

The ass.

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

Who always wins the insect election?

The lesser of two weevils.

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

They're the account ants

What's the difference between a bug and an insect?

Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.

I went for lunch with my accountant and he ordered a bowl of insects...

Then he started picking out just the really juicy looking ants and popping them in his mouth like m&ms.

I said "What the hell are you doing?"

"I only handle finance." he said.

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?

A spy, duh.

What kind of insects to secret agents like? (as told by my 9 yr old)

Spiders.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Shopping for insect repellent spray is so sexy....

I always get Off.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?

A moot ant

Which African Dictator extorts flying insects

Robert Mug-a-bee

What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects?

dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss

What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone?

A Buddha-pest.

A scientist and the Catholic Pope were eating lunch together while discussing the latest news in scientific discovery.

Scientist: Right now, my research team is working on trying to clone insects using gene-replicating techniques.

Pope: That is very interesting! How far have you come along with it?

Scientist: We have engineered the cloning process, now we are going to execute our next phase which is ex...

I was talking to some insects about my feet.

I think they're pretty big, but mosquitos think they're bite-sized.

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

A farmer from the midwest was trying to sell his farm so he could retire in Florida.

The farm had been on the market for several months with no prospects until a man stopped and asked about the place.

The farmer explains that there were 1,000 acres half farmable and the other half beautiful timber with a trout stream and a small pond full of small mouth bass.

The man...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

A western guy gets a job polishing statues in a natural history museum in India

Before he starts working, some locals warn him of the last man who did this job. "Ve should inform you that the insect exhibit is cursed and the poor man's kid vound up dead after he vas seen cleaning here."

The guy says to them, "sounds like a bunch of superstitious nonsense!" and proceeds t...

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brad was successful and mostly healthy, but he had one problem...

his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

It had started in his teens, and while it didn't cause him physical pain, he had to put up with constant teasing about looking like an insect. It didn't help his dating life either; most girls liked him as a person but found his appearance too strange to ...

NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to...

Johny's Mom Was Explaining Him The Benefits of Waking Early In The Morning.

"See", she said, "Those birds who wake early get most of the insects to eat."

"I understand Mom", replied Johnny, "But what happens to the insects who rise early?"

An entomologist..

Recently, a world renowned entomologist was invited by the Queen of England to a gala in honor of the top minds in science. As this was an extremely formal event, the dress code was (obviously) "white tie." The entomologist was flattered beyond belief, and, in attempt to look his absolute best, he w...

Theory of Jumping Fleas

A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.

This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut...

Why do you never see catholic bees?

Because all bees are insects!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

[LONG] A little bird fell out of the nest...

A little bird fell out of the nest and went to explore the surrounding world.

Soon he meets a large, hairy animal and asks:

– "Hello, I'm a little bird. Who are you?"

– "Hello. I'm the Wolf\-dog"

– "A wolf\-dog? That's weird! How can you be a wolf\-dog? You can either be ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Rock stars

Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, and Pete Townshend are drinking at a bar and the conversation comes around to the subject of the greatest gifts they have ever received. Paul McCartney pulls out an enormous green gem sculpted in the shape of an insect. "This beetle is 900 carats, cut from a single piece...