This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

When she asked me about my sign I told her I don't believe in astrology...

Because I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] What do you call a porn website for astrology lovers?

Whore-o-scope

How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?

Simple.

Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"

What's the difference between Astrology and Astronomy?

About 50 IQ points.

There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...

Scorpios

Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

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My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology.

She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit.

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A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
“Doc, I’m not feeling too good about my future health”

The doctor says
“Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all”

The man replies
“What? I don’t believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff”

“Oh, not that” answers the doctor. “My t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is being examined by his doctor

The doctor seems troubled.
“How’s it looking doc?” the guy asks. “Anything I should worry about?”
“Bad luck” says the doctor “I think you might die soon. Mercury is in Uranus”
The guy laughs “Ha! Don’t worry, I don’t put any faith it that astrology nonsense”
“No” says the doctor “I mean...

I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains

She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

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Smart son

An illiterate father and his educated son who has a degree in Astrology went on a camping trip. They set up their tent and fell asleep. A few hours later the father wakes his son and asks:
"look to the sky and tell me what do you see son?"

s: "I see millions of stars."

f: "What does...