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During my annual check-up today, I asked my doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" He replied, "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "Sorry, but I don't really believe in any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

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Karen loves astrology

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

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Astrology: When a thermometer breaks during your rectal examination.

Mercury will be in your anus

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Astrology

A man goes to the doctor After a few tests he says  “Doc, I’m not feeling too good about my future health.”

The doctor says “Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all.”

The man replies  “What? I'm shocked that a doctor believes in that astrology stuff.”

“Oh, not that” answer...

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I've decided to stop going to my doctor now I've found out he's into astrology

I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was "I've consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus".

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Ofcourse I believe in astrology....

I am just like my star sign. A virgin.

I don't believe in astrology at all.

But I am a scorpio, and we are all born skeptics.

What's the difference between Astrology and Astronomy?

About 50 IQ points.

I don't really believe in Astrology...

But I guess that's just the Scorpio in me talking.

There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...

Scorpios

How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?

Simple.

Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"

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My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology.

She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit.

My doctor called three times...

...just to tell me my astrology sign! And he wasn’t even right! And they call themselves “professionals”.

When she asked me about my sign I told her I don't believe in astrology...

Because I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

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Smart son

An illiterate father and his educated son who has a degree in Astrology went on a camping trip. They set up their tent and fell asleep. A few hours later the father wakes his son and asks:
"look to the sky and tell me what do you see son?"

s: "I see millions of stars."

f: "What does...

Good news! This month your wife will nag you less

Nothing related to astrology....

Because this month has only 28 days

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A guy is being examined by his doctor

The doctor seems troubled.
“How’s it looking doc?” the guy asks. “Anything I should worry about?”
“Bad luck” says the doctor “I think you might die soon. Mercury is in Uranus”
The guy laughs “Ha! Don’t worry, I don’t put any faith it that astrology nonsense”
“No” says the doctor “I mean...

I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains

She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

An illiterate dad and his son who has a PhD in astrology went camping.

They unpacked and set up their tent. After dinner they went to sleep. A few hours later dad woke and was looking at the stars.

He woke his son up and asked him, "what do you see?"

He son said, "astronomically, it tells you that there are a lot of galaxies out there,"

His father...

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