Sting Jokes - 64 Hilarious Sting Jokes

Did you guys know Sting has gone missing?

The Police have no lead.

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your...

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Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.

The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?”

“Between the first and second hole”, she answers.

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of a Bee sting...

He says "What happened?"

She says, "I got stung by a Bee while golfing"

He says, "Where did he sting you?"

She says, "Between the First and Second Holes"

He says, "REALLY? WOW, you must have a VERY WIDE STANCE!"

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings...

You know she's a keeper...

A man goes running into a clinic shouting and screaming in pain. “Please doctor! You’ve got to help me! I’ve been stung by a bee!” The doctor says reassuringly, "Don’t worry, I’ll put some cream on it.”

“You’ll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”

“No, you don’t understand.” answers the doctor. “I’ll put some cream on the place you were stung.”

“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”

“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated. “I mean, where on...

Bee sting

A husband and wife are out playing golf. At the turn, they decide to go in for a drink and bag of chips. The golf pro looks at them and asks, “how’d you hit ‘em?” The woman replies, “good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole.”

The pro looks at her and says, “then your ...

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Ring sting

Paddy says to his wife “my bumhole hurts, what’s wrong with it?” She says “ring sting” and he replies “how the fuck would he know?!”

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What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"

Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."

Why does Sting never go to jail?

Because the Police always back him up.

What did God do when yellow jackets started stinging the other animals?

Plan Bee.

Have you heard about Sting's new business?

He now reposesesses cars in Arizona and lines them up in desert rows.

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

Whats worse than one bee sting?

Two bee stings

Whats worse than two bee stings?

The holocaust

Whats worse than the holocaust?

Three bee stings

What can you kill, but still flies back to sting?

A zom-bee!

What did Sting get in Amsterdam?

A massage in a brothel.

If it stings when you wee

Urine trouble

Why doesn't Sting like BLM?

They want to defund the Police

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John gets a bee sting on his dick.

He and wife go to the doctor. As the doctor is finishing up, wife takes him to the side and says - can you only give medication for the pain and leave the swelling as it is ?

Did anyone hear that Sting went missing?

Right now The Police have no leads.

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An Arab boy is speaking with his father.

“Father, why do we wear these shawls on our head?”

“To keep the harsh sun off our scalp” He answers.

“What about these long robes father?”

“To protect us from the blistering wind that carries stinging sand.” Father says patiently.

“And our sandals?”

“To shield our ...

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If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

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I heard that the Sting concert in downtown Chicago didn't sell many tickets

I guess black people don't like The Police

Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office

The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"

The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."

The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"

The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache D...

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Dentist: Okay, hold on tight now. This is gonna sting a little bit!

Patient : Okay..

Dentist : I've been fucking your wife for 3 months now.

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What does a prostitute have in common with Sting?

They both stop sucking when The Police are around.

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A newly married couple visit a doctor.

The doctors asks, "What's the problem?"

Husband replies, "There is a bee stuck in my wife's vagina."

Doctor asks, "How the hell did it get in there??"

Husband, "I'm not sure, but maybe one of the bees, from the beehive right next to our house, happened to get in there, when my w...

Did you hear about when Sting got a new mobile phone?

He sent out an SMS to the world.

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Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

Although Steve Irwin was known as the crocodile hunter

....he will always have soft spot in his heart for stingrays

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Word of advice to all the men out there: DO NOT masturbate after chopping up some chilies.

Not only does it sting but it will also get you kicked off Masterchef.

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle

I had to take my brother to the hospital after a hornet landed on his face and it swelled up massively.

It didn't sting him, or anything. I was just a little too late with the shovel...

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A hunter shoots a bear in the ass with a pistol...

The bear, feeling the sting in his ass, turns towards the hunter runs down the hill and pins the hunter down. The bear says "since you shot me in the ass, I'm going to screw you in the ass..."

The hunter, not wanting to die, agrees - pulls his pants down and allows the bear to have its way wi...

I don’t have a Police record,

but I do have a Sting CD.

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.

Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

Ray Manzarek, Ric Ocasek, and Sting were talking about forming a new band after moving on from their previous bands.

They were going to call themselves The Police Car Doors.

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

Went to a rock festival and got arrested for selling pot to The Police.

It was a Sting operation.

People hate the police so much these days...

...that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."

A man goes to the doctir to have a bump checked

The doctor takes a quick look and goes "Yep, that's definitely a sting from the new poisonous bees. 8 out of 9 cases are fatal, but you're very lucky, because in your case it's bee nine."

Bee on the Alert!!! 60,000 Giant bees were recently stolen from a farm in Pennslyvania.

Police have a huge sting operation on their hands.

Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments

The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he...

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Three racehorses and a racing dog are together after a day of racing.

The first horse says: "You guys won't believe what happed to me in the race today! I was taking my time at the race I was like 12th or 13th not caring too much. And then I suddenly felt a sting on my ass, I sprang forward and before I realized I fished the race 1st."

The second horse sa...

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A Man is on vacation on the Farm....

and because the Weather is so nice he decides to Sunbath nude.

While lying there, a Bee stings him in his Penis.

It swells and hurts as Hell.

He goes to the Farmer to ask what he should do against the pain and swelling.

The Farmer tells him the best remedy is to hold his ...

A lady goes to the store to get a hair trimmer for her dog

..as she's browsing a clerk comes along and says "If you're using it on you're underarms, don't spray on deodorant for a few hours it will sting a lot." She says "No it's not for my underarms."

The clerk says "Well if you're doing your legs, don't wear pantyhose for a day, it can irritate you...

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NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to...

A regular golf course member is going for her regular solo 7:00am tee-off.

She makes a good putt to save par on the first green. As she walks along the long grass going to the second tee, she startles a wasp, and it stings her. Annoyed, but not wanting the event to ruin her day, she finishes her round.

When she gets to the clubhouse, she runs into the club pro....

Why did the man get arrested after illegally downloading "Every Breath You Take"?

The file was created by The Police as part of a Sting operation.

If we defund the police...

...does that mean that Sting won’t be able to watch me anymore?

I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.

I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.

Turns out this was a sting operation to arrest me.

I was charged with braking and entering.

I had to take my mother to hospital yesterday after a giant bee landed on her face

Thankfully it didn't actually sting her, I was too quick with the shovel

Why did Steven Tyler stick his hand into a hornet nest??

He didn't wanna miss a sting

Another Golfing Woman Joke

A comely young blonde decided that she wanted to learn how to golf. So she goes to the pro shop at a course near her home, and signs up for lessons.

Well, she's a natural at it, so after a couple of weeks of instruction, the pro suggests she go out and play 9 holes.

Early the next morn...

I was arrested for allowing Gordon Sumner to remove my tonsils.

Turns out The Police were running a Sting operation.

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I used to date a hoarder...

... and she broke up with me.
That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

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A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

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A farm hand guy and a blond farm girl.

The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.

As he's standing there he not...

Todd was dirt broke, no skills, and not the brightest bulb in the light-shop.

And to make it worse, his mom was always on his case about getting out and making something of himself. One day, sick of her nagging, he answered a help wanted ad.

“So you think you have what it takes to be a Repo man, Todd?” the interviewer asked.

“Sure, man. I got this.”

But T...

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