When my girlfriend came home covered in honey and stings

I knew she was a keeper

What can you kill, but still flies back to sting?

A zom-bee!

I got hurt while performing a surgery on a bee.

It was a sting operation.

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Two race horses are talking after a big race.

One horse says to the other,” Man, when I was running I started to feel a sharp pain in my backside and it made me start running way faster for some reason.”

The other horse replies,” The same exact thing happens to me too, man. I’ll be running and I get a stinging sensation on my ass and I s...

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

People hate the police so much these days...

...that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."

I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.

I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.

Turns out this was a sting operation to arrest me.

I was charged with braking and entering.

If we defund the police...

...does that mean that Sting won’t be able to watch me anymore?

a question about racial issues, concerning the police.

is sting's fake Jamaican accent problematic?

I used to work for a traveling carnival.

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou...

Why doesn't Sting like BLM?

They want to defund the Police

I used to be a beekeeper, but my wife demanded that I either leave her or the bees because she had so many stings. At first, I thought this couldn't be true.

Then I saw her face, ...

My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head,

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.

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I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

Have you heard about Sting's new business?

He now reposesesses cars in Arizona and lines them up in desert rows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Why do they call it a needle dick?

Because it stings a bit when it goes in.

A woman was golfing and got stung by a bee.

She was severely allergic to bee stings so she went to the doctor right away. She said “doc, I was on the course when I got stung”. The doctor asked her where she got stung, and she told him, between the first and second hole. The doctor replied, “ it sounds like your stance is too wide”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that the Sting concert in downtown Chicago didn't sell many tickets

I guess black people don't like The Police

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If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

A regular golf course member is going for her regular solo 7:00am tee-off.

She makes a good putt to save par on the first green. As she walks along the long grass going to the second tee, she startles a wasp, and it stings her. Annoyed, but not wanting the event to ruin her day, she finishes her round.

When she gets to the clubhouse, she runs into the club pro....

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

Whats worse than one bee sting?

Two bee stings


Whats worse than two bee stings?


The holocaust


Whats worse than the holocaust?




Three bee stings

Why did the man get arrested after illegally downloading "Every Breath You Take"?

The file was created by The Police as part of a Sting operation.

Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"

Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."

If it stings when you wee

Urine trouble

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she re...

What did Sting get in Amsterdam?

A massage in a brothel.

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John gets a bee sting on his dick.

He and wife go to the doctor. As the doctor is finishing up, wife takes him to the side and says - can you only give medication for the pain and leave the swelling as it is ?

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

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A guy was having sex with a girl against a 1963 Corvette Stingray, but he couldn't finish

Those are hard to come by

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Dentist: Okay, hold on tight now. This is gonna sting a little bit!

Patient : Okay..

Dentist : I've been fucking your wife for 3 months now.

A husband and wife are golfing and almost immediately, the woman is stung by a bee.

As she’s had some bad reactions to bee stings before, the husband runs to the pro shop to get some assistance.

Bursting in, he says to the pro “My wife’s been stung, can you please help?”

The pro replies “Well where was she stung?”

“Between the first and second holes”.

...

Farmer

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: He'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free...

Did anyone hear that Sting went missing?

Right now The Police have no leads.

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There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you.

It's a Cos-Bee.

Another Golfing Woman Joke

A comely young blonde decided that she wanted to learn how to golf. So she goes to the pro shop at a course near her home, and signs up for lessons.

Well, she's a natural at it, so after a couple of weeks of instruction, the pro suggests she go out and play 9 holes.

Early the next morn...

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.

Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

Which wrestler has the finisher that stings the most?

Stone Cold Steve Irwin.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

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What does a prostitute have in common with Sting?

They both stop sucking when The Police are around.

A kid with a swollen cheek walks into a hospital

A doctor rushes to it: "You Ok lad? What happened?"
"Well... There was this bee... and... it landed on my cheek and... and..."
"Did it sting you?"
"No, daddy killed it with a shovel"

Did you hear about when Sting got a new mobile phone?

He sent out an SMS to the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

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A joke from the 1800s

" While passing a house on the road, two Virginia salesmen spotted a "very peculiar chimney, unfinished, and it attracting their attention, they asked a flaxen-haired urchin standing near the house if it 'drawed well' whereupon the aforementioned urchin gave them the stinging retort: 'Yes, it draws ...

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

Son: daddy can you tell me about the bird and the bees?

Dad: well bee stands for the male and the bird stands for the female.
When 2 people love each other very much, the bee stings the bird essentially giving his life and the bird gets a pain in the ass

Ray Manzarek, Ric Ocasek, and Sting were talking about forming a new band after moving on from their previous bands.

They were going to call themselves The Police Car Doors.

Why did Steven Tyler stick his hand into a hornet nest??

He didn't wanna miss a sting

I was arrested for allowing Gordon Sumner to remove my tonsils.

Turns out The Police were running a Sting operation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hooked up with a martial artist last week.

She floated like a butterfly, and now it stings when I pee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab boy is speaking with his father.

“Father, why do we wear these shawls on our head?”

“To keep the harsh sun off our scalp” He answers.

“What about these long robes father?”

“To protect us from the blistering wind that carries stinging sand.” Father says patiently.

“And our sandals?”

“To shield our ...

Why doctors also need to attend Anger Management course?

A woman comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

WOMAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't unde...

Cop pulls me over for speeding

Cop: do you have a police record?

Me: no but i have a sting album

*gets arrested*

A motorcyclist is in an accident.

He wakes up in the hospital to find a doctor at his bedside.

"Oh good, you are awake" the doctor says. "Listen, you have been in a motorcycle accident. It was pretty severe."

"How severe?" the man asks.

"Well, to that end there is good news and bad news. Which would you prefer?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to...

A 4 y/o told me this one yesterday: I'm looking forward to the bees.

(evil grin) If they sting, they must die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter shoots a bear in the ass with a pistol...

The bear, feeling the sting in his ass, turns towards the hunter runs down the hill and pins the hunter down. The bear says "since you shot me in the ass, I'm going to screw you in the ass..."

The hunter, not wanting to die, agrees - pulls his pants down and allows the bear to have its way wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

A man and his mother were very far behind on their car payments

The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day the man had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what ...

Let me know what you think of my 2nd attempt!

A young boy decided that he wanted to become a beekeeper when he grew up. When he told his parents this they decided it would be a great chance to teach him responsibility and give him a chance to earn his own spending money. So they bought him a small colony of bees and the tools he would need to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fly like a butterfly

Sting like a bee,
I slept with yo mama,
And now it hurts to pee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy tells his wife, “my arsehole is really burning!”

His wife replies, “Ring sting.”
Paddy replies, “how the feck will he know what it is?”

I had to take my mother to hospital yesterday after a giant bee landed on her face

Thankfully it didn't actually sting her, I was too quick with the shovel

TIFU They say you should NEVER meet your heroes and after today I believe it is true.

So I have seen the YouTube videos of celebrities meeting their fans and some stand outs are Taylor Swift meeting young fans and the emotions of these kids see them crying uncontrollably. I always wanted to meet Sting from the Police or Bono from U2 or Ed Sheeran, I mean how cool would it be. Well to...

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A man and his wife are having sex

Out in the woods when a bee enters the woman's vagina. The couple stop and immediately go to the hospital. The doctor tells them there is a simple solution. Cover the mans penis in honey and have him lure the bee out. The husband says "what if the bee stings me?". The doctor replied there is a chanc...

How many Police does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. Did you think Sting actually changes lightbulbs?

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

Todd was dirt broke, no skills, and not the brightest bulb in the light-shop.

And to make it worse, his mom was always on his case about getting out and making something of himself. One day, sick of her nagging, he answered a help wanted ad.

“So you think you have what it takes to be a Repo man, Todd?” the interviewer asked.

“Sure, man. I got this.”

But T...

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That’s your problem right...

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god l...

A woman on holiday was stung by a jellyfish...

She yells to her husband and says "I was stung by a jellyfish, you need to pee on it."

The husband runs over to the jellyfish and pees on it saying "that's for stinging my wife."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to date a hoarder...

... and she broke up with me.
That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven is a big place

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates together having all perished in different circumstances. Seeing the lineup they all wonder what separates them from access into the gates of heaven. As time goes by the line disappears and the three men find themselves next up. Peter is standing with a hand on t...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer from the midwest was trying to sell his farm so he could retire in Florida.

The farm had been on the market for several months with no prospects until a man stopped and asked about the place.

The farmer explains that there were 1,000 acres half farmable and the other half beautiful timber with a trout stream and a small pond full of small mouth bass.

The man...

Smart vs dumb

Smart one (S) has a proposition for a dumb one (D):
S: We'll be solving riddles, and since you're dumb, you will pay me a quarter for each you don't solve. Aand since I'm the smart one, I will pay you 10 dollars for each unsolved.
D: Good.
S: Here we go, it's little, green and jumps a lot, ...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

Words that start with "S" suck.

Girl: Tom, I've come to realize something about the letter s.

Boy: Tell me.

Girl: Words that start with s suck.

Boy: What do you mean?

Girl: Well, snakes suck. So does a sting, and so does getting stabbed.

Boy: Well, Sally, if thats the case I'd like to have you ov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

to meet a new friend he had recently made. After a couple of rounds his friend excuses himself to use the restroom. 30 minutes pass and his buddy still hasn't come back so he goes to check on him, but his friend was nowhere to be found. He decides to head home, but when he goes outside his car is mi...

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