SPOILER - Just finished reading the supposed classic The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Plot line is utterly full of holes.. I’m furious.

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On the lowest branch of a tree, there is a caterpillar looking at a bud. Hungrily, it says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this bud. But I'll wait until it has bloomed so that I can go and fill my belly !!" and then it waits patiently for the bud to bloom.

Higher on that tree, a sparrow is looking at the caterpillar and says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this caterpillar. But I'll wait until it has eaten the bud so that I can go and fill my belly!! " and then it waits patiently for the caterpillar to eat the bud.

Watching from another branch, ...

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Why was the male caterpillar attracted to the female caterpillar?

She always gave him butterflies!!

What did the male Caterpillar say to the female Caterpillar?

Nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, p...

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God was having a conversation with a caterpillar...

God: then you become a butterfly!

Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly!

God: yeah lol the "rest"

Caterpillar: how long

God: ...

Caterpillar: how long God

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What did the worm say to the caterpillar?

Who did you fuck to get that fur coat?

What do you call a caterpillar with a phone?

A Walkie Talkie

What scares a caterpillar?

A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)

One day a man asks his caterpillar if he wants to go on a walk.

The caterpillar doesn't answer. So he asks again, "Hey caterpillar do you want to go on a walk?" Still no answer from the caterpillar. So the man asks a little louder, "HEY caterpillar! Do you want to go on a walk?" The caterpillar still says nothing. So the man yells "HEY CATERPILLAR, DO YOU WANT T...

What is a caterpillar scared of?

A dogapillar

A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...

He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Woul...

How do you send a caterpillar 100 feet into the air?

Turn it upside down

What are caterpillars afraid of?

Doggerpillars.

What is a caterpillar's biggest fear?

A dogerpillar.

The boy and his pet caterpillar

A boy has a pet caterpillar and he asks him "Mr. Caterpillar, would you like to go see a movie with me?"

"Sure," says the caterpillar, "let me get ready."

So the boy goes outside and waits. And he waits, and waits all day, eventually in to the night and the movie is long over.

T...

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What's one thing that will always give you butterflies no matter what?

Caterpillars

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How do you get rid of the butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

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[NSFW] A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree

...A caterpillar crawls onto the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and as...

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An American, a German, a Jew and a Chinese guy were walking through the woods...

A caterpillar falls on the American. The American throws it to the German, the German throws it to the Jew and the Jew throws it to the Chinese guy, who eats it. They walk a bit more and another caterpillar falls on the American. He throws to it the German, the German throws it to the Jew. The Jew t...

What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other?

A caterpillar

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Our sex..

Would be a lot like eating caterpillars, a little awkward at first but totally worth it once butterflies sprayed out my butt.

Top this pickup line so I can steal it and use it later.

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Alphabet Game

"Alright class, today we're going to play the alphabet game. I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you tell me a word that begins with it. Let's start with A"

Little Jonny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself: I'm not going to pick Jonny, he'll just say 'asshole'. "Suzie?"
<...

So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...

A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.

A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to ...

what goes thump thump thump squish thump thump thump squish

a Caterpillar with one wet sneaker.

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