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What does a chatty caterpillar become?

A social butterfly

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.

It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's *amazing!!"* says the second caterpillar. "How in th...

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My son asked, β€œDad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!”

I gently put my arm around him and replied, β€œThat’s easy son…”

β€œStop eating caterpillars!”

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What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? [OC]

A cuckoo-n!

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Three drunk hobos were having an argument over who has the dirtiest underwear

"I have the dirtiest boxers in the entire city," says the first hobo.

As proof, he takes off his filthy brown stained boxers and throws it at a nearby wall.

The boxers stuck to the wall for 10 seconds, before peeling off and landing on the ground with a sickening plop.

Unimpress...

SPOILER - Just finished reading the supposed classic The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Plot line is utterly full of holes.. I’m furious.

What do you call a baby caterpillar?

A kittenpillar

What did the male Caterpillar say to the female Caterpillar?

Nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, p...

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God was having a conversation with a caterpillar...

God: then you become a butterfly!

Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly!

God: yeah lol the "rest"

Caterpillar: how long

God: ...

Caterpillar: how long God

2 Old Farmers

Two old farmers have each 1 big meadow and only 1 sheep.

One farmer proposes to remove the fence between their meadows because the sheep are both lonely. The second farmer agrees, however he wonders how they could tell which sheep belongs to whom.
The first farmer comes up with the idea ...

A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...

He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Woul...

One day a man asks his caterpillar if he wants to go on a walk.

The caterpillar doesn't answer. So he asks again, "Hey caterpillar do you want to go on a walk?" Still no answer from the caterpillar. So the man asks a little louder, "HEY caterpillar! Do you want to go on a walk?" The caterpillar still says nothing. So the man yells "HEY CATERPILLAR, DO YOU WANT T...

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Why was the male caterpillar attracted to the female caterpillar?

She always gave him butterflies!!

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A caterpillar is looking at a flower bud [NSFW]

On the lowest branch of a tree, there is a caterpillar looking at a bud. Hungrily, it says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this bud. But I'll wait until it has bloomed so that I can go and fill my belly !!" and then it waits patiently for the bud to bloom.
Higher on that tree, a sparrow is looking...

What scares a caterpillar?

A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)

What do you call a caterpillar with a phone?

A Walkie Talkie

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What did the grass hopper say to the caterpillar?

Who did you have to fuck to get that fur coat?

What is a caterpillar scared of?

A dogapillar

What are caterpillars afraid of?

Doggerpillars.

How do you send a caterpillar 100 feet into the air?

Turn it upside down

A man on my street used to fill his own prescription pills.

He'd buy the capsules and fill them with powder.

After 10 years of filling prescriptions for the neighborhood, it was discovered that he was drying out dead cats and grinding them into powder to fill the capsules.

He was a caterpillar.

Sorry.

The boy and his pet caterpillar

A boy has a pet caterpillar and he asks him "Mr. Caterpillar, would you like to go see a movie with me?"

"Sure," says the caterpillar, "let me get ready."

So the boy goes outside and waits. And he waits, and waits all day, eventually in to the night and the movie is long over.

T...

What is a caterpillar's biggest fear?

A dogerpillar.

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So you know what always gives me butterflies?

Caterpillars.

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A bloke heads down to a pet shop in search of an animal to give him some company as he gets lonely at home.

He didn't have many friends and wanted a pet to give him purpose. The bloke walks into the pet shop and gets greeted by the cashier

"Good afternoon sir what can I help you with today?"

"I've come to look for a pet to keep me company" The bloke replies.

"Well then I've got jus...

A kindergarten teacher is reviewing with her students

"What does the bee give us?", he asks,
"Honey!", say the kids,
"And what does the caterpillar give us?", he says,
"Silk!", they say,
"And what does the cow give us?",
"Homework!"

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What's one thing that will always give you butterflies no matter what?

Caterpillars

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A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree.

A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder.

The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it.

Another caterpillar gets on the Roman...

What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other?

A caterpillar

So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...

A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.

A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to ...

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How do you get rid of the butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

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An American, a German, a Jew and a Chinese guy were walking through the woods...

A caterpillar falls on the American. The American throws it to the German, the German throws it to the Jew and the Jew throws it to the Chinese guy, who eats it. They walk a bit more and another caterpillar falls on the American. He throws to it the German, the German throws it to the Jew. The Jew t...

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Our sex..

Would be a lot like eating caterpillars, a little awkward at first but totally worth it once butterflies sprayed out my butt.

Top this pickup line so I can steal it and use it later.

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Alphabet Game

"Alright class, today we're going to play the alphabet game. I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you tell me a word that begins with it. Let's start with A"

Little Jonny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself: I'm not going to pick Jonny, he'll just say 'asshole'. "Suzie?"
<...

what goes thump thump thump squish thump thump thump squish

a Caterpillar with one wet sneaker.

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