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Phrases Jokes

How many of the phrases in English are palindromes?

Not a ton

My friend told me I always say phrases wrong

But he’s not the brightest knife in the chandelier

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alternative phrases to “calm your tits”

• Soothe your boobs
• Hakuna your tatas
• Give that rack a rest
• Don’t have a rack attack

I like to use phrases wrong sometimes

And vice versa

Never use phrases from another language

unless what you’re trying to say requires a certain *je ne sais quoi.*

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.

I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isn't it weird that phrases mean something totally different as an adult than when you were a kid?

Like, "It's time for a spanking." "You've been a bad girl." Or "Come over here and suck daddy's dick."

Sure, white people can't say the "N word" but.

atleast we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."

I often wonder if the guy who came up with the term "One Hit Wonder"...

Came up with any other phrases.

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*

As a dyslexic I've been stung for taking phrases literally

If beauty really lies with the beeholder I've yet to meet one.

I'm having a really tough time coming up with new phrases to put onto custom cutting boards...

I guess I have writer's block.

When it comes to foreign phrases, I don't know, I just ...

... lack a certain 'Jenna say Kwa.'

Why do words, phrases and punctuation keep ending up in court?

To be sentenced

I always get made fun of for never saying phrases correctly

I guess I never really was the brightest book in the shed.

I often misuse common phrases

People are always pulling me off for it.

Thank you and Sorry are the two most polite phrases.

Apparently, "No, thank you, I don't need your advice" and "Sorry, I don't want to help you" don't cut it.

Generally, the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...

But not at a funeral.

After repeatedly denying it, I eventually accepted that I have a fetish for using fancy words and phrases to describe things.

I've finally come to terms with it.

A man goes into a bar where, instead of drinks, they sell words and phrases...

he asks the barman if they sell entendres. The barman says "yes" so the man says "ok, I'll have a double" and the barman says "oh, you mean a large one".

I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases

and vice versa.

I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing

Until I went to a funeral

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, “What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.”

The man energetically said, “Man overboard!”

The instructor has his next question ready, “What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?”

The man yet again states, “Full speed ahe...

What do you call a website full of common Indian phrases and slang?

Turban Dictionary

My wife's favorite phrases are "walk it off" and "put some ice on it" whenever our kids fall down.

Or I get an erection.

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