The Welsh language...

...was invented by someone losing at Scrabble.

If someone who speaks 3 languages is trilingual, and someone who speaks 2 languages is bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks 1 language?

American!

Despite Brexit, English is set to become the EU official language...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union, given its majority status in the EU, despite the UK leaving.

As part of the final Brexit negotiations, Germany proposed a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known ...

What's the least spoken language on earth?

Sign language

What is a telescope's favorite language?

Farsi

If a person can speak two languages they’re bilingual, if they can only speak one...

They’re from the US

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

What did the computer student say to the language student after he made a mistake?

You made a programmar error

What is the longest sentence in the English language?

I do.

Should an Italian child born without ears learn sign language?

Deafinitaly.

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.



I don't know where I got this from, but I think it's funny so I'll just post it here.

I read online that English is one of the hardest languages to learn...

Their's know weigh thats' write!

Nobody showed up to the sign language club.

It’s too bad nobody has ever heard of it.

Honestly I think English is a bloody stupid language

but it's what it's I guess

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day we have hundreds of people coming into this country with no skill, no grasp of the language and a total drain on our resources...

Babies are fucking useless.

i learned a language whose only word is "TUNA"

it sounded fishy at first, but the dolphins told me it was safe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

What language does a male barista speak?

Hebrew.

A linguistic professor was giving a lecture.

" In English, a double negative becomes a positive. But it is not true for every language. In Russian, a double negative still remains a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

Student - "yeah, right".

I think my deaf friend wants to update her computer. But her sign language interpreter is giving me mixed signals.

I think she needs a better processor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher asks how you put 2 holes in 1 hole.

Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose.

Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?"

She says she doesn't know.

He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!"

The teacher, surprised by th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother was in the kitchen listening to her five year old playing with his new train set in the lounge.

She heard the train stop and her son saying "All of You bastards who want off, get off now 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get on now 'cos we're going down the tracks"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new teacher of foreign language in Pepes class

The teacher writes sentences in foreign language on blackboard. Then she calls up the students one by one and asks them for translation until its Pepes turn. Before he can respond they can hear loud knocking.

It is a headmaster. As the teacher is new to her job and freshly graduated the head...

Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french

Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

What language do they speak in Poland?

Depends on the year, sometimes it's German and sometimes it's Russian.

What are the scariest three words in the English language?

"Four more years!"

My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.



Why do people say "language"?

Saying "language" when hearing a bad word is like saying "transportation" when getting hit by a car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chinese is a tonal language...

The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use.

This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations.

Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.

I think my new roommate is learning a new language using post-its.

I think that's why he is acting really strange lately.

It's a pretty strange language, though. Every food item is called "Frank."

The wrong language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand ...

What language a stomach speaks?

Hungarian

What language do mute mathematicians use?

Sine language

I once met a guy who was convinced that there were no word in the English language with more syllables than vowels.

I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refuses to accept criticism.

Met a woman from Tanzania recently. We talked in her native language for hours

Guess you can say we really clicked

What language do the mailmen of Hogwarts converse in?

Parceltongue

All languages travel at the speed of sound

Except Braille, which depends on how hard you throw the book.

What do you call someone who has an unhealthy relationship with learning too many languages?

They’re polyglottenous.

(Sorry it’s a bad joke)

The best thing about being able to speak to 2 languages and having kids who can only speak one is that I can swear at them in one language but express love in another...

If only they spoke the 2nd language, they'd know how much I love them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man walks into a bank and says to the the teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.”

The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation.

The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. <...

What's the best language for Indian word plays?

Punjabi

If a deaf kid swears in sign language,

does his mom wash his hands with soap?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I translated from my native language....

A guy asks his friend, "My girlfriend's birthday is coming up. What should I give her?"

Friend(jokingly): Of course your dick.

Man(All serious): Don't be ridiculous, I really want to give her something big.

Friend: Give mine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly religious woman receives an 80 year old parrot as a gift but it has the worst language.

It goes through every possible cuss word every day and night. She talks to a friend that tells her about a bird whisperer. She meets with him and he tells her to leave the parrot with him for one week.
When he brings the bird back she notices a string tied to each leg and asks about them. The ma...

What language do people with colds speak?

Phlegmish

If a guy with only one arm speaks sign language,

is it a speech impediment or an accent?

My neighbor got in serious trouble for saying she would kill me in Sign Language.

Thankfully she was arrested for deaf threats

In the English language, the word "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" has the most number of syllables at 19.

This narrowly beats out the runner-up, "Gloria" (18 syllables).

Source: Catholic Exchange




Note: full disclosure, I heard this absolutely glorious (hah!) joke years ago, but when I was retelling it earlier thought of another way to set it up. It's just a grand coincidence t...

A priest goes out practice golfing and has an altar boy caddy for him.

Right off the first tee the priest immediately hooks the ball into a sand trap. He mutters, "God Dammit!!!" The shocked altar boy says, "Father! Isn't that blasphemy?" The priest says, "Awww I'm a priest, he'll forgive me."
On the second tee he hits a bad slice, the ball bounces off a tree and ...

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

What's the longest word in the English language?

Smiles.

There's a mile between each S.

What language do they speak in Italy

Times New Roman

At a bus stop near the center of town

An elderly woman gets on the bus and takes a seat behind two old Italian friends engaged in conversation.

"How was your night last night, Tony?"

"Ah Giuseppe, it was a a-wonderful night-a a last-a night-a."

" You see, Emma a-come first, then I come a-next. Then our two asses a...

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

The Lift

>A Britisher walks into a NY hotel.

Receptionist: Hello sir, can I help you?

British: Yes, where is the lift?

Receptionist: Oh, do you mean the elevator?

British: The lift.

Receptionist: Sir it's called elevator, we know cause we invented it.

British: And...

No wonder Latin is a dead language

They kept summoning demons

[On a date] Her: So, Do you know any other languages?

Him: I don’t speak French, but I know a little German.

Her: Really?

Him: Yes. He’s 3 feet 8, and he lives next door.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

I'm having trouble learning new languages. Every time I try to pronounce "Blyat"...

The Russians look at me funny.

I killed four people by looking them yesterday.

Edit: Sorry, sawing. English is not my native language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Priests and Two Nuns have dinner with His Holiness, the Pope.

Two priests are fishing on lake outside of Rome. It's a beautiful day, the sun is light, and the water is smooth. Suddenly the first priests fishing rod bends alarmingly; he has hooked a huge fish! It's a struggle but he managed to reel it in. It's a beautiful rainbow coloured fish and big enough to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are you so concerned?

One day a young Native American man went to the Chief of his tribe who was responsible for giving all of the members of his tribe their Native names.

"Tell me, great Chief, when you name the children, how do you do it?"

"It's very simple, I give them a name in our language that passes...

Apparently animals make different sounds according to different languages...

For example, in Asia cats make a sizzling noise...

A man came into a doctor's office with a hacking up a lung, coughing up gobs of mucous into a handkerchief.

The staff tried to find out what was wrong and get more info from the man but he was clearly speaking a foreign language and no one could seem to identify what it was. A nurse happened to walk by the man and heard what was going on. She immediately got on her phone and soon a translator was at the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old guy is not able to get his younger wife to cum

and therefor they decide to get some help from a sex therapist. So they sit in front of this therapist and the therapist says “the problem is obvious. I know how to help. You need to search at Craigslist for a specific kind of man. He needs to be tall, athletic and needs to have a dick that makes a ...

How do the two billboards communicate?

Sign language

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of..

tattoos.

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The same word describes my boobs in 2 languages,

Gross

My sister discovered a new universal language but she hasn't said a word

I should've cut off her hands as well

An MIT linguistics professor

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In english" he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages such as Russian, a double negative remains negative. But there isnt a sigle language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."...

Music is the universal language

But one day soon it will be replaced by Chinese.

I just started taking classes on sign language..

I gotta say, it's pretty handy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fiat vs Ferrari

So on a nice and sunny Sunday afternoon Jim is taking his LaFerrari for a Spin on the Highway. Driving along for a while when Jim spots a broken down Car on the side of the road, apparently having some issues. As Jim is passing he realizes the Car is a Old Fiat 500.

Chuckling to Himself abou...

You have to give it to the Chinese.

They somehow managed to make an entire language out of bad tattoos.

What language does Patrick Star speak

Leedle-ese

What language speaks a typical Belgian beer maker?

Hebrew

My Russian wife wouldn't even teach me how to say hello in her language

She says it's private.

People always ask me if I know any foreign languages...

I feel like saying no will make me look stupid, so I say: “Well, I do know a little Hebrew.”

This always surprises people, since Hebrew doesn’t seem like a popular language: “Oh really?!” They always reply.

To that I respond: “Yeah, he’s about 4 feet tall.”

People say Americans can only speak one language, English, but that's not true for all.

I speak English, American, and Australian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poets are like terms of service contracts

They use many words and elaborate eloquent language to describe how they are going to fuck you.

People with synesthesia shouldn't usually get bothered when people swear a lot.

To them, everyone has colorful language.

I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger...

It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage

Spanish is a tough language

it takes so much time and effort to say even a simple word such as "goal".

My linguist friend hates all languages with accents, slashes, or any funny symbols over Latin letters.

He was born a critic, he lived a critic, but he will *never* diacritic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue - NSFW, Language

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

**Doctor:** "What happened?"

**Woman:** "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

**Doctor:** "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just...

I can’t imagine what it’s like to visit a country where nobody speaks your language.

The concept is completely foreign to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.