If someone who speaks three languages is called trilingual and someone who speaks two languages is called bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only one language?

American

What language do squids speak?

Inklish.


*A joke my really high bf just made, we don’t know if it’s been said before but here it is anyway*

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

I know several jokes in sign language;

I guarantee no one has ever heard them

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Please ignore the English errors. It's my fourth language.

Genie: I see you're short. Would you like to increase your height?

Me: Yes, please! I would give anything to increase my height.

Genie: Alright then, for every inch I increase your height, I'll reduce an inch of your penis. So, by how much do you want to increase your height?

Me...

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Translated this joke from my native language...

A guy say (Billy) who had very small penis, came to know about a guy. who knew a word, which upon saying penis grows by some inches.



Billy went there, that guy sat on a hill, and to climb that hill, there was a rope. So Billy started climbing that hill, upon climbing, the man asked B...

I met my girlfriend at a African language class

We just clicked!

My favourite word in the English language is frequently

I try to use it as often as possible

I dont even know what borrowing language is...

But I'll take your word for it.

Never use phrases from another language

unless what you’re trying to say requires a certain *je ne sais quoi.*

A survey revealed that People who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.

Unless that language is Klingon

What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Heroine

What is the most commonly used computer programming language?

Profanity.

In my native language (French) we have a very special kind of joke that I'd like to try on an English-speaking audience

Mr & Mrs Rophone have a son, what would his name be?
Mike!

Ok, not the funniest example, but it's already interesting enough to show you a very cultural way of phrasing jokes in France !

Warning, English not my first language, so sorry if hard to understand

The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor

English is to become the official language of the EU

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

I recently learned sign language

So I can tell jokes people has never heard

A boy decides to learn a language of all animals

- Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

*Fathers agrees and gives him money*

*After a year, son returns home and father decides to test his skills*

-Son, did you learn the language?
-Yes father. Do you...

What language do cats speak?

Purrsian.

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I knew my mom was pissed when she cursed in a different language.

Her sign language was on point.

A guy started yelling at me in sign language

It was a deaf threat

Fun fact about sign language

It is the least spoken language on Earth

I just learned sign language

I've found it quite handy.

I just read that deaf people also talk in their sleep, only in sign language.

Well, at least they don't get bitten by mosquitoes.

How the Portuguese language was invented??

A drunk Russian tried to speak Spanish.

Math is the language of science.

f(u)√C + k / y(ø)*^(u)*

A linguistic philosopher made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative during a lecture.

To which someone responded, "Yeah, yeah."

I can read any language in the world!

If it is written in English.

I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language...

They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.

You know why the Russian language doesn't have any articles?

They killed all the journalists.

English is not first language want to try joke from my country

Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?

Because he don’t love no hose.

I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food.

It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.

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There is a parrot at the Vatican who speaks dozens of languages.

This brilliant parrot had been with the Vatican for years. One day, he discovered an old rotary telephone that was still functioning tucked away in a forgotten room within the facility. Lonely as the parrot was, and able to speak so many languages, he began to place call after call to every corner o...

What's a morticians favorite language?

...Latin.

native spanish speakers: our language has existed for over 1500 years and is the second-most spoken on earth

**taco bell:** cool... well we made up some new words for y’all

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

This joke is translated from my language.

There was a kid named daisy who went to her parents and asked them a question.

Daisy: hey dad why am I named daisy?

Dad: because when you were first born a daisy fell on your little head.

So her brother who is named bricks went to the dad and said: wnaopa wabwkla woplrn

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Eden garden (Translate from my birth language)

3 friends died in a car accident and arrived at the gate. St-Peter is there to greet them.
He told them, that to cross the gate, they all have to pick up a fruit or a vegetable in the eden garden.
The first one arrive with a carrot. St-Peter told him that to enter heaven, he must put the ent...

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Not sure if this joke is originally from my language or if it is an old joke which is stolen then translated to my language but thought I’d share it

Three man were lining up to heaven when st. peter explained that their death was not planned and that it has happened due to unforeseen and unknown circumstances. Because of this heaven wasn’t prepared for their coming and would need them to wait outside for a long time. However, pitying their early...

On my jog today, I saw this little old lady talking to her cat. From her hand gestures and body language it was clear she thought the cat understood her. I hope I never get that lonely and senile.

Anyway...I went home and told my dog about her. We laughed and laughed..

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I'm gonna do my best to translate this from my native language......

there was this guy who was so horny when he went to the doctor, the doctor missed diagnosed him and instead, he prescribed him viagra so the dude became extra hornier that he started fucking everything with a hole, he fucked his wife, daughter than to his son and didn't spare even his mother. so the...

Mathematics is the language of the devil

There are a lot of sins in doing it

A joke told in nepali language

Boy 1: the new exchange student in our class doesn’t understand any english

Boy2: how do you know?

Boy 1: yesterday I told her “give me a kiss” and she gave me a slap

Just started taking Sign Language classes

Who knew it would come in handy?

I signed up for German language lessons recently. They replied, and I am kind of worried now.

They said, “We have ways of making you talk.”

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A woman overhears her 8 year old son playing with his train set.

As he's moving his train around, he stops the train and says "This stop is Los Angeles. If this is your stop, get the fuck off. If this is not your stop, stay the fuck on."

The boy moves the train around for a minute, and stops the train once again.

"This stop is Seattle. If this is yo...

My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now"

Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.

Apologies for bad English this is a regional joke from my language

Bill was announcing in the middle that he could shoplift anything from the store cross the street.
A man heard it and asked him to get 5 kg rice bag from the store.
Bill went in the store and came back with a 5 kg rice bag.
The man who challenged him said :You would be happy to know tha...

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NSFW (language) A blonde woman walks into an elevator...

There is a man already inside so she tries to start a convo with him.

She says to him “TGIF” .

And he responds nonchalantly “SHIT”.

The woman is confused by this and decides to try again by stating “TGIF”.

But the mans response is the same: “SHIT”.

Now she’s getti...

When God made the German language

He forgot to press the Space Bar

Another joke translated from my native language

There's recently been many jokes in languages from people around the world. I though I'd give it a go.


Johnny got a brand new bike and was proudly riding it around his house.
He rode past the kitchen window and yelled to his mom: "hey mom, look! I am riding without my legs". A while la...

I tried to translate a joke from my native language

A man walks into a gardening store and asks the clerk: "Have you got anything for ants?"
The clerk replies with: "Well, we've got insecticide..."
Tha man frowns and says: "Are you crazy?! It says on the can that it kills them!"

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A Joke I've Translated From British Sign Language

Jake and Harry are a gay, teen couple. One day Jake's parents announce they will be going on holiday for the weekend and the house will be empty.

Jake and Harry jump at the chance to get plenty of alone time and spend the weekend having non-stop anal sex.

On the sunday morning Harry re...

What joke is the same in all european languages?

USA

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

Why Is C++ Such A Rough Language To Learn?

Because it has a bunch of std's...

I can't believe the vulgar language kids are using on Xbox Live.

Do they kiss my mother with that mouth?

Who is the grandmother of the French language?

La grammaire.

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Every day we have hundreds of people coming into this country with no skill, no grasp of the language and a total drain on our resources...

Babies are fucking useless.

I once took a spanish language course on a cruise ship

And I got lost at si

If you learn all of the european languages, you know which one you have to learn last?

Finnish

So, A man is pulled over......

A man stops on a traffic signal and is waiting.Suddenly the police asks him to pull over.He pulls over the car and and the police sees that the man is wearing his seatbelt and looks fine.

The police is satisfied and pleased to see a good samaritan.He hands the man $100 and says:

Police...

I got a $10 language lesson from a girl in a dark alley last night

Now I know that blow and suck are synonyms.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

Hellen Keller had her own language

Its called bumping into things

My attempt to translate a joke from my native Russian language.

But in Soviet Russia, joke translate you!

What language did ancient Roman police speak?

Pig Latin

When you speak 2 languages and start losing vocabulary in both of them

= Byelingual

The English Language

Tony


Ptoughneigh

*...yes*

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

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A priest is playing darts...

A priest is playing darts. Every time he misses he yells out: "Jesus Fucking Christ I'm pissed, my shot just missed!". A bishop sees him and warns him about using the lords name in vain. "If you use that language again, I shall ask the lord to punish you" he says. But the priest doesn't mind him and...

I'm glad I know sign language...

It's comes in handy handy.

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

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A construction worker on the fifth floor of a building realizes he needs a saw

He looks around him, none. He looks 5 floors down, sees a man looking up at him. He's screaming but the guy can't hear him cause of all the noise around. So he decides to use sign language.

He points to his eye meaning 'I', then he points to his knee, meaning 'need', then he makes a saw moti...

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I translated this joke into English from my native language

Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: “You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes ...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room ...

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Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly sh!ts the floor and leaves.

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A rude man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account."

The teller, upset, says "We don't tolerate language like that here."

The man asks "What's the fucking problem? It's not like anyone really gives a shit!"

The teller then leaves without a word, to go and speak to the manager about how to deal with this man. The manager, hearing the stor...

The limit to my knowledge of the French language, is knowing the word for 'egg'

That's an oeuf

What are the three shortest words in the English language?

Is it in?

What language should the linguist end with?

Finnish!

My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages

It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.

What is the most interesting word in the English language?

Stroke it just blows your mind

The Welsh language...

...was invented by someone losing at Scrabble.

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

I'm currently learning English (not my native language) and my teacher keeps wearing pentagrams, bathing in lamb's blood, and praising Lucifer

I'm not sure, but I think it's TEFL worship

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Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.

The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.

"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself”

The German is dying ...

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