What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign Language

I can't believe the vulgar language kids are using on Xbox Live.

Do they kiss my mother with that mouth?

What joke is the same in all european languages?

USA

My language teacher and I have gotten so close, we keep finnishing--

(From the other room) ^Toistemme ^lauseet!

Latin isn't a dead language,

It's still Roman around.

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

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Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

What language should the linguist end with?

Finnish!

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What language do strippers speak?

Polish.

The limit to my knowledge of the French language, is knowing the word for 'egg'

That's an oeuf

Despite Brexit, English is set to become the EU official language...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union, given its majority status in the EU, despite the UK leaving.

As part of the final Brexit negotiations, Germany proposed a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known ...

My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages

It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.

I made a new language!

I call it “Bad hand writing”

If you speak 3 languages you're trilingual; if you speak 2 languages you're bilingual

If you speak 1 language you're American

What is the most interesting word in the English language?

Stroke it just blows your mind

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

The Welsh language...

...was invented by someone losing at Scrabble.

I'm currently learning English (not my native language) and my teacher keeps wearing pentagrams, bathing in lamb's blood, and praising Lucifer

I'm not sure, but I think it's TEFL worship

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

What is a telescope's favorite language?

Farsi

What language is spoken at the centre of the earth?

Core-ean

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Every day we have hundreds of people coming into this country with no skill, no grasp of the language and a total drain on our resources...

Babies are fucking useless.

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

What language should you speak on Pi day?

Sine language!

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

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A preacher's wife is preparing for dinner and makes her way to the butcher...

"I'd like your best ham, please," she says to the butcher.

"You'll have The Damn Ham," he replies.

Taken aback, she asks, "Sir, could you please not use that sort of language around me? My husband is a preacher, and I am a devout Christian."

"No, ma'am, I think you misunderstoo...

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.



I don't know where I got this from, but I think it's funny so I'll just post it here.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face?"

The horse, incapable of understanding human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves

What did the computer student say to the language student after he made a mistake?

You made a programmar error

I’m learning a soon to be dead language

It’s called Italian

I read online that English is one of the hardest languages to learn...

Their's know weigh thats' write!

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A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, yes sir, may we help you? There's something wrong with my dick, he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, you shouldn't come into a crowded office and say something like that.

Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said.

we do not use language like that here, she said. Please go outside and come back in and say that there's so...

Honestly I think English is a bloody stupid language

but it's what it's I guess

I swear English is friend's second language, despite what he says.

Today he told me,
"I'm not that illiterate."

Nobody showed up to the sign language club.

It’s too bad nobody has ever heard of it.

The test

Students in a design school were doing the final test. The assingment was to design some piece of furniture. They started. Someone was designing a couch, someone a bed, but one student was drawing a bunch of dolls in a strait line. The proffesor was surprised and he asked the student if he knew what...

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What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

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Chinese is a tonal language...

The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use.

This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations.

Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.

What are the scariest three words in the English language?

"Four more years!"

What language does a male barista speak?

Hebrew.

Double Positives

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a nega...

What language do they speak in Poland?

Depends on the year, sometimes it's German and sometimes it's Russian.

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I met my girlfriend at an African language class...

We just clicked!

Q: What's the best IDE for a blind programmer?

A: Visual Studio

Q: And what's the best programming language for a blind programmer?
A: Not sure, maybe Visual Basic, but definitely not C#, C++ or even C

(Sorry for stealing from r/learnprograming)

***Attention please***: The train to hell is leaving in 10 minutes, for t...

There's a massive language barrier between me and my partner.

I'm English and she's a labour voter.

I think my deaf friend wants to update her computer. But her sign language interpreter is giving me mixed signals.

I think she needs a better processor.

Why do people say "language"?

Saying "language" when hearing a bad word is like saying "transportation" when getting hit by a car.

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So there's a deaf accountant who works for the mafia.

One day, the kingpin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the kingpin. Translator says, "There's a million dollars...

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There is a new teacher of foreign language in Pepes class

The teacher writes sentences in foreign language on blackboard. Then she calls up the students one by one and asks them for translation until its Pepes turn. Before he can respond they can hear loud knocking.

It is a headmaster. As the teacher is new to her job and freshly graduated the head...

I once met a guy who was convinced that there were no word in the English language with more syllables than vowels.

I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refuses to accept criticism.

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[dirty one] One day this carpenter had a accident at work where he lost his arm.

Luckily his brother worked with robotics.. and gave him a voice response robotic arm to help him out.

After a few week the carpenter went back to work and began with simple commands.

*'Hammer!' The arm reacted and started hammering nails never missing a nail.*

*'Saw!' The arm re...

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

All languages travel at the speed of sound

Except Braille, which depends on how hard you throw the book.

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A pastor’s wife walks into a butcher shop

She sees the most perfect looking cut of meat in the display case and asks the butcher what kind of meat it is. “That’s Dam Ham,” he replies
“I bet your PARDON?!” the lady says, “I am a good Christian woman, and I would kindly ask you not to use that kind of language.” The butcher explains, “Oh n...

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french

Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

What language do the mailmen of Hogwarts converse in?

Parceltongue

If a deaf kid swears in sign language,

does his mom wash his hands with soap?

Met a woman from Tanzania recently. We talked in her native language for hours

Guess you can say we really clicked

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A man and a priest go fishing

A man and a priest are out fishing on a boat when the man hooks a large fish. After fighting this fish for several minutes, he pulls it into the boat and joyously exclaims, "Look at that son-of-a-bitch!!!"

The priest replies, "My goodness, what language."

The man thinks quickly, "Ha ha...

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A man walks into a bank

He goes up to the cashier, and says "hey asswipe, I want to open a fucking account."

"What did you just say?" The teller asks in shock.

"You heard me bitch, I want to open a fucking account in this bloody bank."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop with the language."
<...

In the English language, the word "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" has the most number of syllables at 19.

This narrowly beats out the runner-up, "Gloria" (18 syllables).

Source: Catholic Exchange




Note: full disclosure, I heard this absolutely glorious (hah!) joke years ago, but when I was retelling it earlier thought of another way to set it up. It's just a grand coincidence t...

What do you call someone who has an unhealthy relationship with learning too many languages?

They’re polyglottenous.

(Sorry it’s a bad joke)

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A joke I translated from my native language....

A guy asks his friend, "My girlfriend's birthday is coming up. What should I give her?"

Friend(jokingly): Of course your dick.

Man(All serious): Don't be ridiculous, I really want to give her something big.

Friend: Give mine.

The wrong language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand ...

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

What language a stomach speaks?

Hungarian

If a guy with only one arm speaks sign language,

is it a speech impediment or an accent?

My neighbor got in serious trouble for saying she would kill me in Sign Language.

Thankfully she was arrested for deaf threats

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The teacher asks how you put 2 holes in 1 hole.

Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose.

Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?"

She says she doesn't know.

He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!"

The teacher, surprised by th...

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Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Tiffany had prepared a lovely breakfast for her three sons, and asked them what they wanted to eat.

“I’ll have some of that fucking sausage,” said the oldest. Tiffany gave him a proper spanking for his foul language, and sent him to his room without any breakfast.

She returned to the...

Two friends: a christian arab, and his indian friend were on a plane

Suddenly there was a turbulance and the captain announces “ this is the captain, I am sorry to inform you that we have technical problems with one engine and we need to loose some weight “ the passengers were upset when he continued “ we’ll be fair with everyone: Africans and asians we need you to ...

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A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

The best thing about being able to speak to 2 languages and having kids who can only speak one is that I can swear at them in one language but express love in another...

If only they spoke the 2nd language, they'd know how much I love them.

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Idioms

An English teacher is explaining idioms to her class and how figurative language won’t make any sense in another language. She states, “for example, if you go to Japan and tell someone they hit the ball out of the park, that person will have no idea what you’re talking about.”

One student imm...

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