A boy had a speech impediment and is unable to articulate anything more than the letters of the alphabet.
He opens his wallet, only to sadly exclaim:
O I C U R M T
What's one nice thing Republicans say about Obama that they'll never say about Trump?
Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public.
They could call it Marco Rubio.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson go Camping
They spend the day tracking small animals, fishing, and having a grand time by the shores of a remote lake, before cooking up their dinner and settling into their beds and drifting off to sleep.
Sometime after midnight, Holmes wakes up feeling insightful. He wakes Watson up.
Two guys are driving together late at night
They notice a stake in the ground on the side of the road with the letters “RE” on it. “Hmmm” they ponder, “what’s that about?”
They continue on, and they notice another. Then one more.
At this point, the passenger merely sighs out of boredom, and then passes out, exhausted.
A German shepherd walks into a bar
and says “Hey, I’m a talking dog. Other dogs can do tricks, but have you ever heard one talk? How about a drink for a dog who’s articulate and erudite?"
The bartender says, “Sure, the toilet’s there, first door on the right.”
The Admiral with only one ear..
Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn't physicall...
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a building engineer are having a night out...
After a couple of drinks, they are having a chat about god,
The mechanical engineer starts:
"Have you noticed how brilliantly humans mechanics are designed. The joints and the drivetrain are so perfectly executed, that I think God must be a mechanical engineer."
I had Kevin Spacey show up at a house party
I don’t see what all the fuss about him is. I was chatting to him for an hour about all things from art and music to politics.
He’s a very articulate and intelligent man but I must say his sense of direction is a bit off.
He cut our conversation short saying that he had to use the li...
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A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining together at the country club.
The conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary, and a wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The doctor offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was to...
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A man walks into a bar and opens his suitcase revealing a million dollars in cash.
"I'll give this million dollars to the first person who can sing "Auld Lang Syne" and give me head at the same time."
Immediately people started a stampede, men, women and children all alike, towards the mans crotch. They whipped his dick out and started battling over who gets to do the "perf...
I hope to work at an umbrella factory.
Ever since being a child, I have appreciated the unique motions of the umbrella. Unparalleled in all of man's creation, and unrivaled in nature, the conic beauty of the umbrella has become iconic in my heart.
I have wanted to work at an umbrella factory for years because of my deep rooted...