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A classroom of kids were learning all about common English proverbs. (LONG)

The teacher asked if anyone had a proverb they could talk about - the kids all put their hands up, including Little Johhny at the back. But the teacher chose Susie: "What's your story, Susie?"

"Well, Miss, my dad jumped into a creek and broke his leg on a big branch just under the water!"...

Today I met someone who never finishes his proverbs.

It’s very irritating to talk to him, but you know what they say,

Does the dog know the proverb?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

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What’s the most popular proverb in Alabama?

Cum is thicker than blood

What do you call very short proverbs?

Asaps Fables.

A proverb

A proverb : Two birds with one stone.
An amateurverb : Two stones one bird.

Wise Chinese Proverb

Man who stand on toilet

Is high on pot

A famous German proverb:

Belgium is like school. It's something you have to go through.

What's a cannibal's favorite proverb?

You are what you eat.

An old proverb

Benny gets engaged to a woman and her father tells him he wants to talk to him.

"What do you want?" Benny asks.

"Well, I wanted you to know that you can't shave until you get married or you'll be turned into a vase."

Benny thinks it's a little weird, but he wants to honor what ...

As the old vegan proverb goes

“You can’t make an omelette”

An old proverb once read, "he who hesitates

...is uh..."

Chinese Proverb: Man who run infront of car get tired...

Man who run behind car get exhausted

I used to hate it when people slightly messed up proverbs...

But I guess it's no use crying over spoiled milk.

As the old baker's proverb goes...

You doughn't know what you've got til it's scone...

Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity.

Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

An old Ethiopian proverb

You can't have your cake or eat it.

Ancient Chinese Proverb,

Why meet girl in park? Park meat in girl, much better.

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3 proverbs

A boy heads off to college. When he got there he opened his email to see his dad had messaged him, telling him to have a great time but always be careful. He finished the message with 3 proverbs that always helped him get through life.

One day it was his roommates turn to clean the room. He n...

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

Wanna know why jogging is evil?

"The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous stand as bold as a lion."

Proverbs 28:1

Russian proverb: the church is near, but the road is icy...

The pub is far away, but I'll walk carefully.

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A man is lost in the woods

So there was a man who was lost in woods for a few days. Eventually he came upon a farm and knocked the door. The farmer opened the door and the guy explained that he was lost and needed help. He said he could spend the night and as long he didn't touch his daughter and if he did he would suffer the...

How to beat a Tibetan monk

A Tibetan monk and his young subordinate arrive in a small town in medieval England to challenge it's men to fight.

The town sheriff tells his best fighter to step up to the challenge, but the smug monk beats him down with a single, well placed blow.

The sheriff sends in two more men,...

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

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Kids

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you....

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[NSFW] A Chinese student asks his Sensei

If a man shaves his ass does that make him gay? The Sensei replied, "An old Chinese proverb says 'If a man cleans his house, he is clearly expecting a visitor.'"

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An eighteen year old finally decides to throw out his toys.

Andrew was never fond of most of the toys in his collection. He was a professional gamer and had no time for real world items. One day, he decided that he needed to clear out his room and found all his old toys. Without a moment's notice, he placed the whole bag in the garbage bin outside his house....

You know why the Bible is better than the dictionary?

The dictionary has verbs, but the Bible has PROverbs!

Chinese herbologist

A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He orders a shot, then another, and then another. Finally, the bartenders asks him "hey, what's wrong buddy?". The man replies "I've got this really embarrassing condition, and no doctor has ever been able to figure...

You can get used to everything.

Except an icicle up your ass, because it melts before you get used to it.

- A Finnish Proverb

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