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Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

My ex's motto: "If it ain't broke..."

"...date it."

What’s the motto for the church’s spaceflight program?

The Power of Christ Propels You!

Nsfw What is a typical motto for a brothel?

Customers always comes first.

What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?

Heaven ice day

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A man is alone in an airport lounge.

A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He lean...

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Though he passed away decades ago, I really think my grandpa would have supported LGBTQ+ marriage in all of its forms.

His motto was "Fuck everyone.".

What's the Wisconsin State Motto?

Come and Smell Our Dairy Air!

Arkansas state motto

“Thank god for Mississippi”

I once knew a guy whos life's motto was love thy neighbour.

He lives next to a brothel

Bruce had a motto: "Never ask a lady's age"

That's why he's under arrest now and his bar got closed.

You know what the official motto of reopening restaurants is?

"I'll have what he is having."

The motto at times with Corona

Do NOT surround yourself with positive people.

My friend always lives by this Motto "Surround yourself with positive people"

They tested him positive yesterday. Get well soon my friend!

Suicide prevention line motto:

We never leave you hanging

There was a DEA agent who was a stoner on his off-time. His M.O. was that he always smoked weed at or near a dealer's house, and then staged a raid on that house, always with tear gas and smoke grenades. His motto:

First I smoke the joint. Then I smoke the joint.

Breast reduction surgery clinic motto:

When life gives you melons, make life take the melons back!

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

My motto in life is to always give 100%

It does make blood donation quite tricky.

Carpe Diem is a great motto and all...

but if you seize everyday, you probably have epilepsy

My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

They don't let me volunteer for the suicide prevention hotline anymore.

What is skeleton nike's motto

Just Doot It

What was the motto of the Aztecs?

Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.

I almost got a tattoo of my life motto the other day.

"Never back out".

What's the motto of the Greek army?

Never leave your buddy's behind.

My parents' motto is "Try and try until you succeed", and as the Firstborn, I don't get it.

and so does my 25 younger siblings.

Do you know what the Kardashian's family motto is?

Been getting black men off since the OJ Simpson trial.

What's the downside to the promotional motto "it's just as safe as it is fun"?

It's dead boring.

What will be the campaign motto of Trump's opponent in 2020?

Make America Great Again

My motto is “Efficiency. Efficiency. Efficiency.”

Oop. I guess I only need to say it once.

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My Dad's Motto

My dad always lived by the motto "work hard, play hard." Until mum made him seek help for his Viagra addiction.

What is the motto of a french baker?

no pain no gain

United Airlines new customer service motto: If you can't beat 'em....

....BEAT 'EM!

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

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I gave my wife a copy of doom

It sucks because each time we try to have sex she goes by the motto RIP and tear until it's done

Did you hear that United Airlines just updated their motto?

"United Airlines: Beating our competition, AND our passengers, since 1926!"

What's the motto of the American Writers Guild?

YOU ESSAY! YOU ESSAY!

My blood type is also my life motto:

B Positive

If I owned a restaurant back in the era of racial segregation, do you know what our motto would be?

"The customer's always white."

America's new motto

If it's worth eating it's worth over eating.

The World Health Organization have a new motto out this year! (drum roll please)

Who cares... ?

Did you know the world's first sniper was Mexican? He even inspired the Sniper motto.

Juan shot, Juan kill.

Jared from subway really took the company motto seriously.

You could say he liked to "eat fresh"

My next door neighbor's 9 year old came over and had to tell me this joke I don't know what was funnier.Her trying to tell me that joke without laughing or the joke itself.

There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. So the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?"

The bull replies,"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."

Did you hear about Missouri’s plan to draw more business in?

The new motto is “Missouri loves companies”.

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Pygmy tribe legend

Once upon a time, there was a magical jungle called Mimbubu. In this magical jungle there lived a tribe of Amazon Pygmies.

Legend has it that the Mimbubu jungle was inhabited by an evil and deadly bird, the Foo bird. The tribe tells the story of how the Foo bird stalks its prey while...

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

My Dad told me this one ( he is ex navy)

What is a Sailors motto?

Never leave your mates behind...

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

“Never Apologise! Never Explain!”

Sorry, that’s my motto.

Did you hear Scotland is forming a new branch of their military?

They are calling it The Scotchgard. Its motto is "To protect the very fabric of our nation."

BBQ joke (OC)

“Mmmmmmm. This all reminds me of Fred. His motto was, “Low and slow.”

“He was seriously into barbecue, huh?”

“No, unfortunately, he was a pilot “

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

Bonus: Redditors' motto-
REDUCE
REUSE
REPOST

It’s a little-known fact that, after signing the Declaration of Independence, the Founding Fathers collectively dropped their pants, pointing their posteriors toward England

Thus the motto “E pluribus moon ‘em”

A store manager watches from a distance as a salesperson argues with a customer.

After a few minutes, the customer storms out of the store.

“I saw what just happened,” the manager says, “and I guess you’ve forgotten my motto of ‘the customer is always right.’”

“I know,” the salesperson says, “but . . .”

“No buts,” says the manager. “The customer is always ri...

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In Shakesperean language, 'wit' was slang for a man's penis

It takes a new meaning to the motto of Ravenclaw house: "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure"

I am starting a company to produce and sell Marijuana infused meat.

Our motto is "A pot in every chicken."

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United Airlines one-liners

Hilarious Compilation of Twitterati responses on the United Airlines Fiasco #NewUnitedAirlinesMottos
"United Airlines: Not enough seating, prepare for a beating."

"We have Red Eye and Black Eye flights available!"

"You can't beat our prices! But we can sure beat our passengers!"...

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici

meaning I came, I saw, I conquered.
Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto:
Veni, vidi, veni.

How is Oracle the opposite of Google?

Google's motto is "don't be evil"

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New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.

The runner up ...

Pencil Box Kingdom

Who's the king of the pencil box?

The ruler.

What's the kingdom's most important discovery?

Pencillin.

What is the national sport?

Erasing.

What's the national motto?

Keep calm, Crayon.

Who are their discriminated minority?

The whites....

So there is a First class only Indian Airline.

Their motto is "We will treat you passengers like Cattle"

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

There is a local beer company here in Utah called Polygamy Porter

Their motto is "Beer so good, why not have more than one"

In lieu of the recent manhunt...

The LAPD's motto is "to protect and serve." I think they ought to change it to "We'll treat you like a King."

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Topical Jokes for 1/31

The CEO of McDonald’s has announced he’ll be resigning later this year. It’s the first time in history that a McDonald’s employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice.

The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch ‘n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remin...

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An Am...

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