What do you get when you cross an idiom with a Freudian slip?

Six of one, and a half dozen of your mother

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Idioms

An English teacher is explaining idioms to her class and how figurative language won’t make any sense in another language. She states, “for example, if you go to Japan and tell someone they hit the ball out of the park, that person will have no idea what you’re talking about.”

One student imm...

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"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager on the phone hesitated. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked his newly-hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice.

"I'm s...

There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language.

We call him the Village Idiom.

I’m an expert in idioms

I know them like the front of my hand

What do you call it when you hate when people use idioms, but you yourself still use them?

Irony in a nutshell.

It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class

I came close, but no sugar.

Whenever I use idioms in the wrong context...

...people look at me as if I'm as thick as thieves!

When someone asks you to give an example of an idiom

Just tell them you can't recall any from the top of your head.

I never get my idioms mixed up

and you can take that to the bank and smoke it

One mans trash...

"One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is a fantastic Idiom.

But it's a horrible way to tell your kid that he's adopted.

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The Immortal Bard

*This is not my joke, it is actually a short story written by Isaac Asimov, but it is written like a joke. One that I found quite humorous. Hope it belongs here.*

"Oh, yes," said Dr. Phineas Welch, "I can bring back the spirits of the illustrious dead."

He was a little drunk, or maybe ...

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender confuses jokes with idioms, and offers the horse water but can't make it drink.

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