Did you know most people don't know the opposite to these words?

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I...

...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

What 4 words don’t you want to hear when making love?

Hi honey! I’m home!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" confused.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

Her: "Undress me with your words."

Me: "I saw a spider in your bra."

I still remember my father's last words before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey son, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

Describe failure in two words?

I can't.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Joins A Monastery, And Takes A Vow Of Silence, Only Allowed To Say Two Words Every Christmas

Every day, they grow their own food and maintain the monastery, all while silently praying.

On the first Christmas, he goes to the abbot and says, "Food's cold." The abbot nods and blesses him.

On the second Christmas, he tells the abbot, "Work's hard." The abbot nods and blesses him....

For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.

I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

Lazy

I will never forget my dad’s last words: “Will you stop playing with the bow, Nicholas?!”

PS: it was a joke

Entire Russian history in five words

Russian history in five words: "And then things got worse."

Someone said to me, "I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies.' But I didn't believe him.

Seems like a Toto fabrication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today my classmate told me: "I have a problem with degenerate homos". I was outraged by his bigoted words..

..until I realised he was talking about our physics homework!

(Glossary: Degenerate - Having the same energy level. HOMO - Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital)

Student: Are “well” and “actually” both single-syllable words?

Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

What type of words have two u's

I don't know but they must be unique

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mind Your Words...

In a packed auditorium, a hypnotist hypnotized the whole audience with a Pendulum.
Suddenly, the Pendulum fell down.
He said "SHIT"...
It took 3 Days to clean the whole auditorium...

What kind of bird always forgets the words of a song?

A

.

.

.

Hummingbird

Fishing words of wisdom:

If you're going to go fishing be certain that if you ask a Baptist to be your fishing partner, you ask that two Baptists go fishing with you.

Because if you only ask one....He'll drink all of your beer.

People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

I was asked to describe the last two us presidents in 5 words

Orange is the new black

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

Actions speak louder than words

And the deaf took it seriously

What font is the best for writing bad words?

Any cursive font.

The word politics

The word politics is derived from two words.

"Poli" from the Greek meaning "many" & "tics" meaning blood sucking parasites

At his death bed, Achilles realized that they where going to loose the war and uttered his last words.

Defeet hurts.

I hate when people use "big words" they don't even know the meaning, in order to look samrt.

For me, they are completely photosynthetic.

An evil witch put a curse on a prince so that he could only speak one word each year.

If he didn't say anything for a year, he would be able to say two words the next year and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three m...

What was Jeffery Epstein’s last words to the prison guard?

“Hey! Don’t leave me hangin’!”

My step-dad’s last words were his worst:

“Be back in a Quibi”

There are two possibilities for words that mean "final part" or "smaller amount".

The possibilities are: end, less.

What two words have the most letters?

Post office.

What was the balloons last words to his dad?

Watch me Pop!

What was a python's first words?

print("s" \* 10)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Even after my grandpa died 4 years ago, I still remember his final words

"STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!!! "

Final words

A man is holding his wife's hand as shes lying on her death-bed.
"Jerry , I have something to tell you before I pass on," she whispers."
"No, no, dear," says Jerry. "Everything is forgiven now. All is well."
"No Jerry" she mumbles." I've been carrying this load for years now, and I mu...

The path to inner peace begins with just 3 words

Not my problem

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?

My feet are killing me!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife that I would like to get a penis tatoo that says "My wife loves this long schlong"

She told me to stop putting words in her mouth

"I'm an entomologist; I study words."

"You mean an etymologist?" "...I'm not very good at it..."

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".

The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight...

I am a man of few words

Maybe if I read more, I would know more words

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you write words like "fuck", "shit", "bitch", "ass", or "damn?"

In cursive.

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.