The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.

1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don’t believe in Santa.

3) You pretend to be Santa.

4) You look like Santa.

What does the Egyptian Santa Clause say when he enters a child's house?

I come bearing glyphs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher asks all students of her class to learn 4 clauses before the next class next day.

Amit goes to his busy dad and says

Amit : Daddy Daddy. Can you please tell me a clause?

Dad : Shut up

Amit : Thank you Daddy

Next, Amit goes to his mom who is busy cleaning trash.

Amit : Mommy Mommy, Can you please tell me a clause?

Mom : Trash

Am...

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?

Santa stops after 3 ho’s.

Woman gets a tattoo

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She
also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instruc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...

Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my ass.

Where does Santa Clause stay when traveling?

In the Ho Ho Hotel

I punched the mall Santa Clause in the face

He called my daughter a 'ho'. 3 times!

What kind of chips do Mrs. and Mr. Clause eat?

Kringle cut!

Do you know why santa clause is always so happy?

Cause of all his ho’s

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Why dont saint nick and mrs clause have any kids?

Cause Santa only comes once a year and its down a chimney.

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

Why don’t Chinese people believe in Santa clause?

Because they are the ones who make the toys

Every year my uncle dresses as Santa Clause for me and my little brother.

Santa is coming really means something different in our family.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back.

"Ok, send me your mother."

What do Santa Clause and Bill Cosby have in common ?

They don’t come until you’re asleep.

"Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Claus..." Okay, I get that part...

But why am I supposed to write down "Santa Claus lane"?

Why was Santa mad when he heard that Mrs. Claus was pregnant?

Because, at this point in his life, he didn't want a dependent clause.

What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?

An independent clause.

Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.

Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.


*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*

How do you identify a pregnant clause when editing writing?

It’s missing a period.

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