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Clause Jokes

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

What’s the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ?

Emptied his sack.




(Compliments of my 7 year old son)



Edit - No he did not understand what he was saying and Yes we did tell him not to repeat it.

Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause

It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Santa and Mrs. Clause

Santa has been so busy with getting toys ready for next Christmas that he hasn't been able to be intimate with Mrs. Clause. They realized it had been 3 months since the last time they have had sex. That night, Santa decided to take a break from making toys to be intimate with his wife .

That ...

Why did Mrs. Clause cheat on Santa?

You'd think it's because she's a ho ho ho, but really he just wasn't present enough.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.

1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don’t believe in Santa.

3) You pretend to be Santa.

4) You look like Santa.

Why does Santa Clause have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

What do you call a person who doesn't believe in Santa Clause?

Eggnog-stic.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back.

"Ok, send me your mother."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...

Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my ass.

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?

Santa stops after 3 ho’s.

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

What does the Egyptian Santa Clause say when he enters a child's house?

I come bearing glyphs

"Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Claus..." Okay, I get that part...

But why am I supposed to write down "Santa Claus lane"?

I punched the mall Santa Clause in the face

He called my daughter a 'ho'. 3 times!

What do Santa Clause and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come when you're asleep

Why don’t Chinese people believe in Santa clause?

Because they are the ones who make the toys

Do you know why santa clause is always so happy?

Cause of all his ho’s

Why dont saint nick and mrs clause have any kids?

Cause Santa only comes once a year and its down a chimney.

The mail pilot

A man applied for a job delivering mail to remote areas by plane. The human resources officer showed him the employment contract.


He said, "you need to be aware that the U.S. Post Office has a tradition of delivering the mail no matter what, even in bad weather. So that means you will...

Every year my uncle dresses as Santa Clause for me and my little brother.

Santa is coming really means something different in our family.

Woman gets a tattoo

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She
also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instruc...

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