How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its broom.

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

Jokes about Peter Pan will always get a laugh

Because they never get old.

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

Why do Anti-Vaxxers like Peter Pan?

Because he wants kids to never grow up and not be looked down on for doing it.

We should start calling unvaccinated kids Peter Pans...

They never get old.

TIL: There is a proven way to stop your bacon from curling in your frying pan.

Take away their little brooms and rocks.

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

I punched Peter Pan so hard

He’ll neverland

Eggs

​Two eggs boiling in a pan.
One says,"I've got a huge crack."
The other replies,"Stop teasing me, I'm not hard yet."​

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Know what they call those specialty cake pans in the shape of penises?

Peter Pans

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

What’s Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat?

Wendy’s

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

What is another name for the tick-tock croc from Peter Pan?

A Clock-odile.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

Why can’t Peter Pan ever stop flying?

He come from neverland

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

I asked Peter Pan how Captain Hook would vent his frustration.

"Beat Smee," he replied.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I thought you'd know."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

I tried cooking Chinese spare ribs in the oven instead of the pan.

I'll tell you it was a walk in the park compared to the pork in the wok.

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

Why is Europe like a frying pan?

Because it has Greece at the bottom.

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

Two sausages are frying in a pan

One sausage turns to the other and says, "Hot enough for you?"
The other sausage screams, "Ohmygod a talking sausage!"

Where does Peter Pan eat out?

He eats out at Wendy's

Kevin Spacey as Peter Pan

Kevin Spacey has been offered the role of Peter Pan for his next film but some changes were required.

Now, to get to Neverland, he tells the 2nd star to his right to bend over til morning.

Why did Peter Pan know he could beat Captain Hook in poker?

Peter knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand.

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
...

What's Peter Pan's least favorite part of a song?

The hook

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

because he neverlands!

jkjk it's cuz of the pixie dust. tinker Bell is his slave, #freetink

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot.
He gets so high he never lands.

What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?

A Diction Fairy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a pan-sexual man named Nick who works at a CD store?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.

Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are actually the souls of aborted kids

That explains Captain Hook

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I find frying pans really hot.

I guess you could say I'm pansexual.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My pan-sexual partner is upset with me...

They caught me with a pot in the kitchen

No one ever talks about Peter Pans brother.

Peter Pots

My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!"

She has a weird way of apologising.

Frying pan..

A man was sitting reading a newspaper when suddenly his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for? "
The man asked.
The wife replied:
"That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket."
The man said:
"Ooh..When I was ...

Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list?

Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

You crack me up!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2 eggs were on a frying pan

One of them says: "Gee, it's really hot in here!"
The other egg says: "HOLY CRAP, A TALKING EGG!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How to make scrambled eggs

Step 1: Find omelette recipe

Step 2: Follow omelette recipe until folding step

Step 3: Try to fold the omelette in the pan

Step 4: Fuck it up because how the fuck do you even do that

Step 5: Enjoy scrambled eggs

What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan?

The Pirates always lose.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a frying pan and anal sex have in common?

They both brown your meat.

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently came out as pansexual.

But I'm only attracted to cast iron.

I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.

I guess it's true what they say:

"Once you go black, you never go back"

Don’t ask me about my pan pizza...

It’s personal.

A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.

As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"