What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

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Why can't Peter Pan be grounded?

You: Because he Neverlands.

Me: No. It's because he's a fucking orphan.

My friends call me Peter Pan

Because my jokes never land.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he *neverlands*

"Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he Neverlands."

You see, I love this joke because it never grows old.

I was playing Cyberpunk 2077 when my mom took a pan and violently bashed my laptop to pieces.

She *really* freaks out seeing so many bugs.

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?

If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

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There were two sausages in a frying pan...

One said to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here!"

Other one said, "Fuck me, it's a talking sausage!"

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; “wow! It’s warm in here!”
The other replies “Argh!!! A talking egg!”

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in you frying pan?

Take away their little brooms.

It's 80 years since non stick pans were invented (Teflon 1938)

Where is the non stick toilet bowl?

I used to sell cookware, but that didn't pan out.

So I've switched to selling underwear for a brief time.

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

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Todays News: Russia takes a step towards inclusivity by establishing new task force comprised of Gay/Bi/Pan/Trans/etc enlistees...

Introducing: The KGBT

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

My name is Brett but my Spanish speaking friends call me

Pan.

My girlfriend said she’s not a fan of Pan-Asian cooking

I thought it was called a Wok

Finally learned why you can't use a wooden spoon on a Teflon pan

It's non-stick

Having a non stick pan

with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth

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in hell

A man goes to hell. They tell him:

-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.

He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
“It ...

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What's the best date to take a pansexual on?

Take them out for a wok.

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A restaurant has a challenge: "We will give $500 to any customer whose order we can not fill"

One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread.

She dutifully takes his order back to the kitchen. A few seconds later he could hear all hell breaking loose in the kitchen: there's peo...

What's black, and white, and OBVIOUSLY belongs in NeverLand?

Pan, duh.

[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,

roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"

After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!

They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..

and ...

People who cook breakfast in a t-shirt are dumbasses.

Use a pan,for God's sake.

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

I asked my friend, "What's the same about my jokes and Peter Pan"?

And just before I could say, "They never get old," he replied, "They Neverland?"

^(This actually happened. My career as a comedian is over.)

What do anti vaxxers kids have in common with Peter Pan?

They never grow old.

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

Why didn’t Peter Pan’s career in stand-up take off?

Because his jokes Neverland.

What's the difference between a skillet and a person who asks celebrities invasive questions?

One's a frying pan, the other is a prying fan

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

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The Donald Went Down to Georgia

The Donald went down to Georgia.

He was lookin' for a vote to steal.

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind.

He was willing to make a deal

When he came across this old man givin' a speech and doin' it hot.

And the Donald jumped upon a hickory stump and said "Man...

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

I asked 25 Pac-people what their favorite pan is and the results were overwhelming...

1) A wok

2) A wok

3) A wok

4) A wok

5) A wok

6) A wok

7) A wok

8) A wok

9) A wok

10) A wok

11) A wok

12) A wok

13) A wok

14) A wok

15) A wok

16) A wok

17) A wok

18) A wok

19)...

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

Talking clock

A man is showing his apartment to his friend.

The friend sees a large copper pan on the wall.

\- And what is this?

\- Its a talking clock!

\- Really how does it work?

The man hits the pan with all his might.

A voice is heard from behind the wall:


...

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

What’s Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat?

Wendy’s

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

A regional manager of a Chinese restaurant chain was visiting one of the stores around the holidays.

He was there to check how the store was doing, making sure safety protocols were in place, making sure it was clean, etc. Upon entering the restaurant he was greeted with Christmas decor, lights, garland, Santa clauses everywhere, and holiday music.
“What’s with the get up?” The manager asked. <...

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A grim man enters an otolaryngologist's cabinet and whips out his penis...

...and it's all bluish and visibly not okay. The doctor, shocked: "You're in the wrong cabinet, you need to see the urologist!"

"No," says man. "The thing is, me and my friends go to a sauna once a month..."

"Ah, so then you'll need a dermatologist if it's caused by an STD" - interrupt...

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What do you call a pansexual man named Nick who works at a cd store?

Pan Nick at the disc co

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

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What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

My 4 yr old asked where's Peter?

Me: Who's Peter?
Him: peed your pants
Me: Do you mean peter pan??
Him: oh ya, him. I thought that's why he didn't wear pants because he peed his pants

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

We should start calling unvaccinated kids Peter Pans...

They never get old.

What do you call Luke Skywalker's futuristic frying pan?

An e-wok

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

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A man wakes up in bed after a night of hard boozing...

His first thought is that he's in big trouble with his wife, but she waltzes into the room with a sunshiny grin and hands him a tray loaded with breakfast in bed. While he's eating, she slips under the covers and gives him a deliriously good blowjob.

"I don't get it, honey," the guy says. "I...

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

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