two sausages are in a pan...

one looks at the other and says "Gosh, it's hot in here" and the other sausage says' "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

What is Peter Pan known as in Asia?

Peter Wok

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad always said, "if ifs and buts were pots and pans the world would be a kitchen"

I guess then I'd be pansexual.

Finally learned why you can't use a wooden spoon on a Teflon pan

It's non-stick

Why did Peter Pan never grow up?

Because how can you grow a Pixar film?

What do anti vaxxers kids have in common with Peter Pan?

They never grow old.

Why can't you cook wood in a pan?

Its a non stick pan

Do you know why Peter Pan could fly?

If you took a pan to your peter you would fly too! ^(joke courtesy of my dad. A genuine dad joke :P)

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

I'm sorry

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

Why didn’t Peter Pan’s career in stand-up take off?

Because his jokes Neverland.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away the tiny broom.

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

I asked my friend, "What's the same about my jokes and Peter Pan"?

And just before I could say, "They never get old," he replied, "They Neverland?"

^(This actually happened. My career as a comedian is over.)

A guy walks into a bar..

.... he notices a monkey sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender, "what's with the monkey?" The bartender walks around, sits next to the monkey, and smacks it upside the head with a pan. The monkey goes down and gives him a bj. The bartender walks back and says "pretty cool eh, you want to give ...

Why won't airlines hire Peter Pan?

Because he'll never never land.

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

I asked 25 Pac-people what their favorite pan is and the results were overwhelming...

1) A wok

2) A wok

3) A wok

4) A wok

5) A wok

6) A wok

7) A wok

8) A wok

9) A wok

10) A wok

11) A wok

12) A wok

13) A wok

14) A wok

15) A wok

16) A wok

17) A wok

18) A wok

19)...

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The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!

In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"

I said, "What's wrong with you?!"

"Nothi...

In a small American town, a band of squirrels had become quite a problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had tak...

What’s Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat?

Wendy’s

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

All three of a farmers daughters are going on a date tonight. With him being overprotective he decides to meet each boy at the front door with a shotgun.

The first boy says: “Hi my name is eddy and I’m here to eat spaghetti with Betty” The farmer sends them on their way.

The second boy says: “Hi my name is is Tam and I’m here to pan gold with Pam.” The farmer sends them on their way.

The third boy says “Hi my name is chuck and I’m ...

We should start calling unvaccinated kids Peter Pans...

They never get old.

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things.

Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish o...

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

Since COVID-19 doesn’t seem to be affecting kids …

Does that make it a Peter Pan-demic?

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

What do you call Luke Skywalker's futuristic frying pan?

An e-wok

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

An old couple talks to their doctor about their memory loss. The doctor suggests that they write things down so they don't forget.

One day, both of them are sitting on the couch when Grandma asks for a bowl of ice cream.

"Coming right up," Gramps says, slowly getting onto his feet and heading towards the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

"Write that down? Of course not. I can remember a bowl o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Know what they call those specialty cake pans in the shape of penises?

Peter Pans

A young man's truck breaks down in rural Georgia right next to a farm

After trying (and failing) to fix his truck, he decides to ask the farmer if he can spend the night at his house. The farmer reluctantly agrees, saying "The only room I have available is across from my 18 year old daughter's room. I don't want to see you trying anything." As the farmer leads the you...

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TV ad for Benson's Nails

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad."

A week goes by and the marketing execut...

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

How does a Hungarian cook dinner?

First, he chops an onion finely. Then, he chops some garlic as well, or perhaps use a garlic press. This is then fried in a pan with about a tablespoon of oil for about 30 seconds, after which a few tablespoons of paprika is added. Add some salt, maybe some pepper, and then he decides what dish to m...

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

What is another name for the tick-tock croc from Peter Pan?

A Clock-odile.

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

Rubbing it just ain't the same

A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife." The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?" The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other." The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as putt...

I asked Peter Pan how Captain Hook would vent his frustration.

"Beat Smee," he replied.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I thought you'd know."

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

I just quit my job to focus on prospecting for gold

I'm just waiting to see how things pan out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pansexual's guilty pleasure activity?

Washing the dishes.

[Possibly OC] How excited was Wendy to go to Neverland?

She was so excited that she nearly Peter Pans.

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot.
He gets so high he never lands.

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