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I was in the kitchen banging pots and pans.

My mom walked in and said “When you came out as pansexual this isn’t what I thought you meant…”

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

My friends call me Peter Pan

Because my jokes never land.

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

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Given that Wendy has a crush on Peter Pan, I guess you can say....

She's Pansexual.

What did the egg say to the frying pan

Yolkgottabekiddingme!!

I needed to buy a new pan to stir fry a large meal

I decided to go for a wok.

What’s Peter Pan’s favorite fast food restaurant?

Wendy’s.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he *neverlands*

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A couple of cowboys on a cattle drive were sitting by their fire in the middle of the night

... when a bearded stranger wearing bear-skins galloped up in a cloud of dust. He was riding a longhorn bull with a brass ring through his nose.

He jumped off , punched the bull in the head to knock it out, came to the campfire, and emptied a hot pan of beans straight into his mouth then wash...

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A farmer goes to the doctor

"Doctor", he says, "I have a weird itch on my head".

The doc examined the man, and says: "Ah, I see what you have, and I have the solution. Take one of these pills a day, in the anus."

The man comes home and yells to his wife: "Mary, do we have an anus?"
"No," she responds, "we onl...

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Why can't Peter Pan be grounded?

You: Because he Neverlands.

Me: No. It's because he's a fucking orphan.

A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

My wife's really annoyed with me.

I put a stick in a non-stick pan.

I’m a recovering kleptomaniac looking to open up my restaurant later this year. Got a job yesterday and used my earnings to pay for a Chinese cooking pan.

It ain’t much, but it’s honest wok.

You should always upvote a joke about Peter Pan, even if you have heard it before.

It never gets old.

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in you frying pan?

Take away their little brooms.

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

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There were two sausages in a frying pan...

One said to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here!"

Other one said, "Fuck me, it's a talking sausage!"

Finally learned why you can't use a wooden spoon on a Teflon pan

It's non-stick

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; “wow! It’s warm in here!”
The other replies “Argh!!! A talking egg!”

What did the italian baker say to the paramedics after the mafia broke his knees with a pan?

PANINI !

I was playing Cyberpunk 2077 when my mom took a pan and violently bashed my laptop to pieces.

She *really* freaks out seeing so many bugs.

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?

If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

Two snipers are going through the desert when all of a sudden they come under fire...

"Spotter"... says the shooter, "find out where those shots are coming from!"

So the spotter takes out his scope and starts panning round... "I think I found them. There is a small shrub, covered in bacon, gammon, and pork chops"

"That's them..."says the shooter... "it's a ham-bush!"

True Stkry - White driving along a long stretch of Arizona Hwy, 2 nuns ran out of gas.

Remembering they had passed a gas station a few miles back they left their car & walked back to the gas station. Unfortunately the attendant was alone & didn't have a vehicle to loan the nuns or even an extra gas can to give them to at least go back and get their cat started so they could re...

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Todays News: Russia takes a step towards inclusivity by establishing new task force comprised of Gay/Bi/Pan/Trans/etc enlistees...

Introducing: The KGBT

I asked 25 Pac-people what their favorite pan is and the results were overwhelming...

1) A wok

2) A wok

3) A wok

4) A wok

5) A wok

6) A wok

7) A wok

8) A wok

9) A wok

10) A wok

11) A wok

12) A wok

13) A wok

14) A wok

15) A wok

16) A wok

17) A wok

18) A wok

19)...

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

How to cook sausages

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.


So she explains, slowly and patiently:


"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep co...

It's 80 years since non stick pans were invented (Teflon 1938)

Where is the non stick toilet bowl?

I used to sell cookware, but that didn't pan out.

So I've switched to selling underwear for a brief time.

What do anti vaxxers kids have in common with Peter Pan?

They never grow old.

Teacher: "What's 1 minus 1?"

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

A man and woman get married

(An old Jewish joke)

A few weeks into the relationship, she decides to make a delicious roast for dinner. As the husband walks into the kitchen, he sees her slice off a couple inches off each side and toss them into the trash.

"Why did you throw them out? Were they bad?"

"No," ...

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Noodle and Meat Bun were best friends.

But one day they got into a disagreement and had a fight. Noodle isnt very strong but he managed to beat up Meat Bun.

Meat Bun wasnt going to take this insult without revenge, so he went off to get some brothers, Pan Fried Bun, and Steamed Pork Bun. Together, the angry mob roamed the streets ...

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

Having a non stick pan

with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth

Peter Pan would make a great comedian

His jokes would never get old

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

Why didn’t Peter Pan’s career in stand-up take off?

Because his jokes Neverland.

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

Did you hear about the pioneer who headed west looking for gold?

It didn't pan out, so he moved to Ore-gon.

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

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What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

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A restaurant has a challenge: "We will give $500 to any customer whose order we can not fill"

One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread.

She dutifully takes his order back to the kitchen. A few seconds later he could hear all hell breaking loose in the kitchen: there's peo...

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

Why is pizza cooked on a round pan?

Cause it's 360 degrees.

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

What's a panda's favorite cooking utensil?

A pan.. duh??

I don’t have a problem with most ancient gods and the like...

but that Pan really gets my goat.

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

We should start calling unvaccinated kids Peter Pans...

They never get old.

What do you call Luke Skywalker's futuristic frying pan?

An e-wok

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

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What's the best date to take a pansexual on?

Take them out for a wok.

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

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What do you call a pan-sexual man named Nick who works at a CD store?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot.
He gets so high he never lands.

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