What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

How do you keep Canadian Bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away its tiny broom.

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?

If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

How do you call an enlightened pan?

A Wok

Having a non stick pan

with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth

Why is Peter Pan always flying ?

He never lands.

My girlfriend said she’s not a fan of Pan-Asian cooking

I thought it was called a Wok

What is Peter Pan known as in Asia?

Peter Wok

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Two sausages are in a frying pan

Two sausages are in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you find it's getting hot in here?"

The other one jumps up and says, "Holy shit! A talking sausage!"

Why can't you cook wood in a pan?

Its a non stick pan

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My dad always said, "if ifs and buts were pots and pans the world would be a kitchen"

I guess then I'd be pansexual.

Finally learned why you can't use a wooden spoon on a Teflon pan

It's non-stick

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What do you call a pansexual man named Nick who works at a cd store?

Pan Nick at the disc co

Why didn’t Peter Pan’s career in stand-up take off?

Because his jokes Neverland.

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A man wakes up in bed after a night of hard boozing...

His first thought is that he's in big trouble with his wife, but she waltzes into the room with a sunshiny grin and hands him a tray loaded with breakfast in bed. While he's eating, she slips under the covers and gives him a deliriously good blowjob.

"I don't get it, honey," the guy says. "I...

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

What do anti vaxxers kids have in common with Peter Pan?

They never grow old.

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

Oh Possums!

As a band of possums had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their possum infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the possums were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with god's divine will.
...

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

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The Farmer's Daughter

On a cold rainy evening, a salesman's car ran out of gas. Not wanting to spend the night in the car, the man sought help. Within 5 minutes the salesman spotted a barn yard light and proceeded to it. He knocked on the house door and an older farmer greeted him there.

The salesman explained he ...

I asked my friend, "What's the same about my jokes and Peter Pan"?

And just before I could say, "They never get old," he replied, "They Neverland?"

^(This actually happened. My career as a comedian is over.)

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

A chimpanzee has opened a brothel in New Zealand

And says that he accepts all customers and don't discriminate, because his workers are all Pan.

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An ad man is overwhelmed with work...

An ad man is overwhelmed with work so he contracts our his easiest account, for Acme Nails, to his brother in law, who is a professional animator, to produce the ad.

Two days before it's due he still hasn't heard anything so he calls his BIL.

"Hey man, you must be done by now, right? I...

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NSFW an old one told to me long ago

A woman walks into an small cantina and sees a live frog sitting on the shelf. She proceeds to ask the bartender "what's up with the frog?"

Bartender replies: "That there frog is guaranteed to get any woman off"

The woman laughs it off

Time goes by, a few drinks later she asks.....

What goes in erect, hard and dry. And comes out wet and flaccid ?

Spaghetti in the boiling pan !

I asked 25 Pac-people what their favorite pan is and the results were overwhelming...

1) A wok

2) A wok

3) A wok

4) A wok

5) A wok

6) A wok

7) A wok

8) A wok

9) A wok

10) A wok

11) A wok

12) A wok

13) A wok

14) A wok

15) A wok

16) A wok

17) A wok

18) A wok

19)...

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

Why won't airlines hire Peter Pan?

Because he'll never never land.

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What are pansexuals favorite animal

Pan Duh

How could you tell Wendy Darling was excited to visit Neverland?

She Peter-Pans.

What’s Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat?

Wendy’s

Why was the cooking joke not funny?

Because it didn't pan out

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

Ukrainian mother-in-law joke

The morning after the wedding, the newlywed couple is sitting at the kitchen table when they are joined by the bride's mother. The husband, still slightly drunk from last night, decides that now is the proper time to display his manly authority.

He starts by calmly issuing his demands. "For b...

My wife asked for an amulet..

I made it along with side of toast and pan cakes. Not sure why she is still mad at me.

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How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

What do you call Luke Skywalker's futuristic frying pan?

An e-wok

A guy walks into a bar..

.... he notices a monkey sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender, "what's with the monkey?" The bartender walks around, sits next to the monkey, and smacks it upside the head with a pan. The monkey goes down and gives him a bj. The bartender walks back and says "pretty cool eh, you want to give ...

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

A starving man traveling the country goes door-to-door begging for his breakfast meal.

One lady opens her door to the man and he says, “please I am starving, I have nothing but some rocks in my pocket. If you let me eat some eggs, I’ll show you eating my rocks!”

The lady lets the man in and gives him some eggs. The man then asks for a pan to lay the eggs. Then he asks for oil t...

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

There was a monk helping make breakfast for the monastery,

and remembered you dont have to use a spatula to flip pancakes. Next thing he knew it was out of the frying pan and onto the friar.

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

We should start calling unvaccinated kids Peter Pans...

They never get old.

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

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What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

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Know what they call those specialty cake pans in the shape of penises?

Peter Pans

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things.

Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish o...

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The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!

In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"

I said, "What's wrong with you?!"

"Nothi...

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

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TV ad for Benson's Nails

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad."

A week goes by and the marketing execut...

All three of a farmers daughters are going on a date tonight. With him being overprotective he decides to meet each boy at the front door with a shotgun.

The first boy says: “Hi my name is eddy and I’m here to eat spaghetti with Betty” The farmer sends them on their way.

The second boy says: “Hi my name is is Tam and I’m here to pan gold with Pam.” The farmer sends them on their way.

The third boy says “Hi my name is chuck and I’m ...

What is another name for the tick-tock croc from Peter Pan?

A Clock-odile.

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

I asked Peter Pan how Captain Hook would vent his frustration.

"Beat Smee," he replied.

"Oh, sorry." I said. "I thought you'd know."

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