UPJOKE
skilletwokpotdishtrashpan outtear apartsaucepancontainerdisparagecasseroleroastplatterplatecooker

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands

You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he can Neverland.

Where is Peter Pans favourite place to eat out?

Wendy’s

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pan-handler in front of a casino

A bum was in front of a casino, hand out, asking for spare change to get a bite to eat. A passerby felt pity for him and gave him $5.00.

"Get yourself a good meal," he told the bum. "But I don't want to see you going into the casino and gambling that money away!"

At that, the bum shook...

What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?

Wendy's

I'm done making Peter Pan jokes

They Never land

How do you get Canadian bacon to stop curling in the pan?

You take away the broom.

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A woman went into a pet shop

to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.

"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive," she said.

"Well,"said the clerk, 'I have a huge bullfrog i...

What happened when Tinker Bell couldn't find a bathroom? [Original]

She Peter Pans

I needed to buy a new pan to stir fry a large meal

I decided to go for a wok.

What did the egg say to the frying pan

Yolkgottabekiddingme!!

Finally learned why you can't use a wooden spoon on a Teflon pan

It's non-stick

What is it called when someone steals a large frying pan from a smaller classmate?

Taking a long wok off a short peer.

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner…..

After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her friend asked her, 'Why did you cut off the end of the ham'?
And she replied , 'I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.'
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why sh...

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I was in the kitchen banging pots and pans.

My mom walked in and said “When you came out as pansexual this isn’t what I thought you meant…”

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Why can't Peter Pan be grounded?

You: Because he Neverlands.

Me: No. It's because he's a fucking orphan.

There were 2 sausages in a frying pan.

One sausage says to the other damn it's hot in here! The other sausage says WTF a talking sausage.

the blind and the moron

there was a chicken farm owned by a very cautious farmer. he was the richest man in town. one day, some man set out to find people to steal eggs for him from the farm but the only people he got were a blind man and a moron. so they planned out the heist. "every night" said the man, "the owner would ...

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An old joke

A woman resists giving her husband a BJ despite his relentless pleas. When she shares her disdain for oral her friend tells her about her newest discovery: a BJ frog. The wife purchases one of the frogs, brings it home and convinces her husband to try it out. She retires to the bedroom upstairs leav...

Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them

Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.

Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from th...

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

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Dill Bread Recipe

This old recipe was handed down to us from Aunt Gladys. The secret is her great dill dough. All the ladies in the Church Choir always rave about Aunt Gladys great dill dough.

Ingredients
1 package (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast ...

What did the italian baker say to the paramedics after the mafia broke his knees with a pan?

PANINI !

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

I was playing Cyberpunk 2077 when my mom took a pan and violently bashed my laptop to pieces.

She *really* freaks out seeing so many bugs.

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?

If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

What do anti vaxxers kids have in common with Peter Pan?

They never grow old.

I used to sell cookware, but that didn't pan out.

So I've switched to selling underwear for a brief time.

It's 80 years since non stick pans were invented (Teflon 1938)

Where is the non stick toilet bowl?

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Todays News: Russia takes a step towards inclusivity by establishing new task force comprised of Gay/Bi/Pan/Trans/etc enlistees...

Introducing: The KGBT

Why is Europe like a frying pan??

They both have Greece at the bottom!!

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

I asked 25 Pac-people what their favorite pan is and the results were overwhelming...

1) A wok

2) A wok

3) A wok

4) A wok

5) A wok

6) A wok

7) A wok

8) A wok

9) A wok

10) A wok

11) A wok

12) A wok

13) A wok

14) A wok

15) A wok

16) A wok

17) A wok

18) A wok

19)...

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

Why didn’t Peter Pan’s career in stand-up take off?

Because his jokes Neverland.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

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What do you call a pan-sexual man named Nick who works at a CD store?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan...

...someone is going to be wrong.

Having a non stick pan

with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth

Peter Pan would make a great comedian

His jokes would never get old

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

Peter Pan and Captain Hook agree to a truce. (LONG)

After years upon years of fighting, kidnapping/fairynapping, and pilfering, the two rivals decide to agree to a truce, as both are realizing that their hearts are no longer in the fight. They agree that Pan and the Lost Boys will stay mostly on the mainland, and Hook and the Pirates will stay out to...

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

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What's the best date to take a pansexual on?

Take them out for a wok.

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot.
He gets so high he never lands.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

How to cook sausages

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.


So she explains, slowly and patiently:


"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep co...

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German air traffic controllers

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange betwee...

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