What does a Spanish speaking person say when you ask him what is in his container full of snails?

Es Cargo!

How do you receive a cremation container

You urn it

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

Chinese takeout $25.00... Gas to pick it up $5.00... Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers...

Riceless

I saw a Canadian Dollar outside of a container.

Looks like it just escaped the loonie bin.

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.

The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.

The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing fu...

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If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

Why was the the blonde staring at the orange juice container ?

It said Concentrate

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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “...

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Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

I tried to catch a bunch of fireflies last night but they escaped the container

It was ajar

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A farm hand guy and a blond farm girl.

The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.

As he's standing there he not...

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!...

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

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Today, I saw a guy with two big containers of laxitive coming out of Costco.

And I though, I bet that guy is full of crap.

How efficient is shipping goods in a large metal container?

Semi

What is the official container for the state of Alabama?

Ramekin.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

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What do a horny walrus and a tupperware container have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

Why is it called "canning" if it's storing things in glass containers and not cans?

Because renaming it at this point would be jarring.

Got pulled over for open container

I asked the cop "if its illegal to drink a beer while you drive then why is there a bottle opener attached to every seat?"

He said: "sir, those are seat belts."

What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?

Pulp fiction.

What do Walrus’s and Tupperware containers have in common?

They both like tight seals

My parents are divorced, and my dad took it kinda hard

I once asked him for an xbox, and he handed me a container of my mom's stuff.

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

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Hobo is looking for food in waste containers near MIT campus...

...and suddenly sees a nude drunk young woman sleeping in one of the containers. He wakes her up and asks her:

"What is the second law of thermodynamics?"

Before falling back asleep girl looks at him with dull gaze and answers:

"T... total entropy of an isolated system can never...

What do you call a container that's slightly open?

Ajar.

What do you call an empty container of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Was.

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In the Beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervi...

What do you call a Saltine container filled with ducks?

A box of quackers

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Press the lid of an ice cream container before you buy it. If it's solid, it's been properly stored. If it depresses

You'll still eat it you fat fuck.

I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

Sometimes I just drink milk straight from the container

It tastes better and the cow seems to enjoy it

Gotdam cop just wrote me a ticket for an open container.

How's I'm supposed to drink it if it ain't open?

What do you call a Vietnamese themed restaurant that only serves Indian food in Chinese take out containers?

PhoCurry.

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

What's the difference between a container with sand and a container with babies in it?

I can't use a pitchfork to empty the container with sand.

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