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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

How does one handle a container of delicate cheeses?

Very Caerphilly

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

Chinese takeout $25.00... Gas to pick it up $5.00... Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers...

Riceless

What do you call a shipping container full of snails?

Escargo

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What do a horny walrus and a tupperware container have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.

The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.

The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing fu...

Got pulled over for open container

I asked the cop "if its illegal to drink a beer while you drive then why is there a bottle opener attached to every seat?"

He said: "sir, those are seat belts."

How do you receive a cremation container

You urn it

I saw a Canadian Dollar outside of a container.

Looks like it just escaped the loonie bin.

Is Tom the cat able to pour gasoline on the ground from a container?

No, but Jerry can.

Why was the the blonde staring at the orange juice container ?

It said Concentrate

What's the difference between a container with sand and a container with babies in it?

I can't use a pitchfork to empty the container with sand.

I tried to catch a bunch of fireflies last night but they escaped the container

It was ajar

What do you call an empty container of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Was.

The way they did the jam (UK)/jelly (US) container of the year was a bit jarring.

I struggled to preserve my interest.

What does a Spanish speaking person say when you ask him what is in his container full of snails?

Es Cargo!

I left my house and noticed the door wouldn't close because it kept hitting a container of strawberry jam

Guess you could say the door was held ajar

What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?

Pulp fiction.

Sometimes I just drink milk straight from the container

It tastes better and the cow seems to enjoy it

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

What do you call a Saltine container filled with ducks?

A box of quackers

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If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases?

An innertube.

What do you call a container that's slightly open?

Ajar.

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Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

Why is it called "canning" if it's storing things in glass containers and not cans?

Because renaming it at this point would be jarring.

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A little kid was on a park bench eating a 1 quart container of ice cream...

It had fudge, caramel syrup, sprinkles, and just about everything you could think of.

A man walks up to him and said, "That is so unhealthy! You'll become overweight, possibly get diabetes and so many more bad things."

The kid said, "My grandfather lived to be 102!"

The man rep...

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My wife stuck her finger right in the container of icing so I started bitching...

She said the only people that are going to eat this icing are in this house. And everyone in this house either came out of me or came in me.

What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

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Hobo is looking for food in waste containers near MIT campus...

...and suddenly sees a nude drunk young woman sleeping in one of the containers. He wakes her up and asks her:

"What is the second law of thermodynamics?"

Before falling back asleep girl looks at him with dull gaze and answers:

"T... total entropy of an isolated system can never...

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

There was a quick trial where a man was beat to death using a handled container...

It was a brief case.

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