Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

Why did the cannibal bring a water cooker to the crematorium?

He wanted some instant soup

Why did the pressure cooker jump off the pier?

Peer pressure!

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When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I were trying to have sex when the slow cooker set off the fire alarm.

I was crock blocked.

If you die while making food in a slow cooker, whoever finds your body will have a nice warm meal waiting for them

They can also eat whatever is in the slow cooker too

If you make green eggs and ham in an immersion cooker...

do you get Seuss-vide?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a chef that turned into a prostitute?

A cooker.

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I woke up to find that someone pooped in my slow cooker.

What a crock of shit!

So Pete, Joe, and Dave are planning their desert hiking/camping trip.

Dave ask Pete what he was bringing.

"Well, my tent, lil cooker, some water and a bottle of Irish whiskey... in case of rattlesnakes."

Dave ask Joe what he was bringing. "Water, sunscreen, my pack, extra socks and a bottle of Scotch whiskey... in case of rattlesnakes."

The two ot...

Two guys in a bar...

One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunr...

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A husband complains to his wife about their sex life

Sitting in the bedroom, the husband tells his wife:

"I can't do this anymore! We haven't had sex in years!"

"I understand. Let me show you."

So, the pair goes down to the kitchen. The husband gives an angry look to his wife:

"What's this all about?!"

"I want coffee...

The husband and the horse.

The husband seated, reading his newspaper when his wife, furious, came from the kitchen and hits him in the head with a skillet .
Startled, he gets up and asks:
- Why did you do that? She responds: - I found this is the piece of paper in your pants with Mary's name and number. - Honey, remembe...

Why does a watched pot never boil?

Because it's a pressured cooker

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Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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