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There were two sausages in a frying pan...

One said to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here!"

Other one said, "Fuck me, it's a talking sausage!"

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; “wow! It’s warm in here!”
The other replies “Argh!!! A talking egg!”

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in you frying pan?

Take away their little brooms.

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

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What does a Japanese pirate say?

Nothing, he's too busy frying the prane.

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

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in hell

A man goes to hell. They tell him:

-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.

He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
“It ...

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

What's the difference between a hand and a frying pan?

In the frying pan, the meat shrinks. In the hand, the meat grows.

A guy is sitting reading the newspaper when his wife hits him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

"What the hell was that for?!", he screams.
"I was emptying your trouser pockets and found a piece of paper with a woman's name and a phone number!"
Thinking quickly, the guy says, "Honey, calm down, that's just the name of a horse i was betting on! The number is for the betting place!"....

What's the difference between a skillet and a person who asks celebrities invasive questions?

One's a frying pan, the other is a prying fan

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How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

What do you call Luke Skywalker's futuristic frying pan?

An e-wok

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

A regional manager of a Chinese restaurant chain was visiting one of the stores around the holidays.

He was there to check how the store was doing, making sure safety protocols were in place, making sure it was clean, etc. Upon entering the restaurant he was greeted with Christmas decor, lights, garland, Santa clauses everywhere, and holiday music.
“What’s with the get up?” The manager asked. <...

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A grim man enters an otolaryngologist's cabinet and whips out his penis...

...and it's all bluish and visibly not okay. The doctor, shocked: "You're in the wrong cabinet, you need to see the urologist!"

"No," says man. "The thing is, me and my friends go to a sauna once a month..."

"Ah, so then you'll need a dermatologist if it's caused by an STD" - interrupt...

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Frying Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MO...

My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!"

She has a weird way of apologising.

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I find frying pans really hot.

I guess you could say I'm pansexual.

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A man wakes up in bed after a night of hard boozing...

His first thought is that he's in big trouble with his wife, but she waltzes into the room with a sunshiny grin and hands him a tray loaded with breakfast in bed. While he's eating, she slips under the covers and gives him a deliriously good blowjob.

"I don't get it, honey," the guy says. "I...

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

You crack me up!

How are a frying pan and a beautiful woman similar?

You have to get them both hot before you put the meat in.

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