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A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

Have you ever cheated?

A husband and a wife are celebrating their 50 year anniversary by having some dinner. After being together for so long they don’t have many secrets but the husband always wanted to know

“Hey honey, have you ever cheated on me? We’ve been together so long it doesn’t even matter, but I’d like...

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She got really mad and said she’s never gonna play scrabble with me ever again.

When I cheat on my wife, I always do it in the morning

Because at the end of the day, I’m faithful

Mu girlfriend cheated on me, So I took her wheelchair.

Guess who came back crawling

My girlfriend just accused me of cheating

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife

A lion would never cheat on his wife

But a Tiger Wood

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.

I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him

He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came c...

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A man suspected his wife was cheating on him.

He came home at lunch time and snuck in the house, to find his wife with another man on top of her. So he hit the guy upside the head with a lamp, knocking him out cold.

When the guy woke up, he was in the detached garage with his dick trapped in vise, with the handle broken off so there was ...

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Whats the similarities between bungy jumping and cheating?

First you dont dare and if the rubber breaks you are fucked

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles

I didn't cheat on my diet

I had an entanglement with a slice of cake

My French girlfriend cheated on me and then suddenly moved to Pakistan.

Lahore.

My crazy ex girlfriend accused me of cheating

Why you ask? Because I went out with her split personality when we were together.

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I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chai...

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

How to cheat on your boyfriend without him knowing

Now that all the girls are here, help me out. How do I turn on the stove??

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3 men die and go to Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. St Peter meets them and starts reviewing their files.

He starts talking to the first guy: “I see that you lived a good life, but you cheated on your wife 30 times. That’s not very good, but not bad enough to send you to hell. So you can stay in heaven, but you’ll h...

I would never cheat in a relationship,

because that would require two people to find me attractive.

My friend and I asked each other who they knew would be most likely to cheat on someone

I laughed. "My girlfriend"

He tapped me on the shoulder. "You mean MY girlfriend..."

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Poor old Jim finds out his wife is cheating with his best friend.

He wants to hire a hitman to put an end to their affair. The private investigator Jim hired recommends a guy who's supposedly the top in the field. Jim only has a few thousand dollars in savings, though, after the lengthy surveillance campaign, and he worries it won't be enough.

"That's okay,...

A football player asked his wife if she ever cheated on him

This is translated from Arabic, I don’t know if it’s going to be funny as in Arabic but I’ll try my best *fingers crossed*

A football player once asked his wife if she ever cheated on him, she answered with “yes, three times.” He then asked “Ok, tell me about the first time.” She said, “Do y...

I'm in love with a woman called Clairy but I married her sister, Lorraine. I always felt too guilty to cheat on my wife, but here's the thing- she's just left me. So, I guess...

...I can see Clairy now Lorraine has gone.

Did you hear what the man who withstood burning in a furnace did after he found out his wife cheated on him?

He gave her the coaled shoulder.

I know a guy with a foot fetish who just cheated on his wife

He got off on the wrong foot

Woody walks in on Bo Peep cheating on him with Buzz...

"How could you do this!?" Woody shouts.

"Woody," says Bo Peep sheepishly, "You've got a friend in me."

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheat...

I cheated on my metaphysics exam.

I gazed into the soul of the guy next to me.

What happen when paprika cheat on oregano?

Bay leaves

My wife told me she was cheating on me with a man named Roy G Biv. I was so angry, I was seeing red

...and orange
and yellow
and green

I never cheated on my test

I had an entanglement with Google.

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man

I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said "He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!" I replied, "That's because it's his job, honey."

Bro.. Your girlfriend is cheating on you!

Damn!! Which one?

How can you tell if the government is cheating you?

You can't cuz they keep changing the rules.

My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.

Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

What do you call cheating on your wife with her sister?

A family affair

If I had a dollar for every person my ex cheated on me with

I'd have 60 cents

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My doctor put me on a strict vegan diet, but every Monday I’m allowed a cheat day

So I nip out and fuck his wife.

TIFU by telling my dad his girlfriend cheated on him.

In all fairness, I could’ve sent the wedding invitations through the mail instead...

A cheating husband

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically...

How do you cheat on your wife with an adult actress and commit tax fraud without consequences?

Win the Republican nomination.

It’s absolutely disgusting the way people cheat on their taxes...

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

I was cheated on by a tennis player...

Should’ve seen it coming. Love means nothing to them.

Cheating For the Right Reasons

An old couple was having dinner one night when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Theresa, soon we’ll have been married for 50 years, and there's something I have to ask you. In those 50 years, have you ever cheated on me?"

Theresa replied, "David, I ...

Husband: I cheated on you once

Wife: well if we are coming clean I cheated on you too

Husband: haha April First!

Wife: it was May 17

E: grammar

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A successful bussinessman has a work trip coming up and hes worried that his beautiful girlfriend will cheat on him when he is gone

So he goes to the best sex shop in town and starts looking through the toys. He sees dildos but doesn't feel they'll do the trick. He sees vibrators but also doesnt feel safe, so he goes to the owner. He asks for the best sex toy available. The owner goes to the back of the shop and gets a wooden bo...

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A paedophile, a rapist, a cheat, and a liar walk in to a bar...

Bartender says: What can I get for you Mr. President?

My wife caught me cheating while we were playing monopoly

She dropped the dice and saw me fingering her sister

I feel bad for tests

They are always cheated on

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My cheating ex hated tattoos so I decided to get a tattoo on my left boob

That was my tit for tat

I saw my uncle cheating with another woman

but I aunt snitching

My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend!

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

My wife said we should have a cheat day once a month while we are dieting...

Apparently it only involved food

Three friends die and go to heaven...

and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions.

God turns to the first man and ask...

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Bianca's boyfriend (Brad) goes on a business trip...

A week goes by, and Brad gives Bianca the bad news that his business trip would be extended to one more week. Bianca, starting to feel a bit horny was not excited to hear the news but she thought "its just one more week, I can wait."

The second week goes by and Brad is still not home, so Bian...

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A Man Comes Home To His Apartment To Find His Wife In Bed, Naked

Now, he's already suspected her of cheating for some time, and coming home to see his wife naked in her bed set him off like a bull.

"WHERE IS THAT FUCKER!!!!" He shouts at her, wildly scrambling around the room, looking in every hiding spot his mind can think of.

He suddenly runs out ...

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse.

The other 35% were women."

Will you get married?

Before Marriage:

Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.

Girl: Do you want me to leave?

Boy: No don't even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: Never. Why are you even a...

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An English lord suspected his wife of cheating

So he hires a private detective to follow her.

On Sunday they meet.

"Well Mortimer" says the lord "what have you discovered?"

"Well sir, on Saturday your wife left at a quarter past three, went into the city, met a man at a five to four, by half past six they left for the cinem...

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The Kid's Betting Habits

A father was very upset about his young son's betting habits, so went up to school to talk to the boy's teacher, who promised to have a word with him.

"Maybe if he lost heavily on a bet, it would cure him," she suggested. That night after school she asked the boy to stay behind and confronted...

Did you hear the story about the blind guy that was wrongly accused of cheating on his wife?

He wasn’t seeing other people.

Asked my girlfriend who’s into fitness and nutrition, to take a break and have a cheat day

She slept with her best friend

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

Edit:
I’m aware it dosnt’ look right the way I wrote it ,but you get the gist

I just got to know that my wife cheated on me with all the jury members of my trial

Can't blame her though, it was a hung jury

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Judge, "on what grounds do you want a divorce?"

Husband "my wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every fucking day!!"

Judge "You mean to say she's severely Alcoholic and cheats on you everyday?"

Husband "No, She's out looking for Me!!"

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I was cheating on her.

She told all her friends I had a small dick. Luckily they all knew she was lying.

My husband cheats and he beats me.

I don't want to play poker with him anymore.

According to a survey, one in three people cheat on their partners

Now I need to figure out if it is my wife or my girlfriend

I know my wife cheats on me, when I come home our parrot says: “quick!, out the window!”

Rodney Dangerfield

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

My girlfriend just cheated on me...

Lets hope my other two are loyal.

My friend asked me if I’m cheating on my girlfriend

I said “which one”

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

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The Magic Wand.

A man and a woman lived in the outskirts of a city. The man was a famous magician who would often go on tours to various cities. This time the tour was longer than usual.

The man and his wife had a very strange but a meaningful relationship. Being very paranoid, the man made his wife promise...

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

three times...

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question...”

“Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please...

What did the Eskimo man say when he caught his wife cheating with the neighbor?

Inuit!

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

So he walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't he...

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Five asexual people are playing cards

One of them starts to explain the rules and then he pauses and says
“I would say no cheating but there’s already five aces at the table”

What did santa say when he meets a cheating gf ?

Hoe Hoe Hoe

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Not enough room in heaven

3 men suddenly appear at the same time at the pearly gates. God comes over to the trio and informs them that Heaven has room for just one more today. Whichever man has the worst story will get in.

The first man begins “So get this: I’ve been pretty sure my wife’s been cheating on me for a wh...

Just found out my gf was cheating on me...

What’s worse is that she’s imaginary.

There's some guy handing out awards to couples that cheat.

He's medaling in other people’s affairs.

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A man discovers his wife cheating on him

So he goes to a gun store and after telling the story he asks the owner for a rifle and two bullets. The owner asks him why two bullets and he replies "one is for her lying mouth and one is for his dick."

One hour later he is back and places a single bullet on the table. The owner asks him wh...

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

A well known rule of three

Long ago, on a different geometric planet, there were many perfectly triangular lakes. On each lake were three kingdoms, each presided over by a trio of higher beings. One particular lake has an interesting story. Though the kingdoms on it started out peacefully, each settling their dispute with ano...

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Three men have died and are at heaven's gate in front of Saint Peter

^((I only heard it in German, hope I translated it ok))

Saint Peter says "I'm sorry, we're a little short on space here, so we have a new policy. We only let people in who died in an interesting way." He then points to the first man and asks "so, how did you die?"

The first man starts,...

A man who has been doing keto for five years cheats his diet at a party.

His friend, shocked, asked him if it was hard for him to do.
The man replied, "it was a piece of cake".

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven.

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3...

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

What did a cheating snail say to his slug wife

Sorry but i love Michelle.

Three friends die and reach the gates of Heaven

Three friends named John, Mike and Nick die and reach the gates of Heaven. There they meet St. Peter,he calls the first man, John, and says:"John, as I can see you have never cheated on your wife so take this Lamborghini to cruise around Heaven forever! John happily takes the car and goes to Heaven....

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I hate it when my girlfriend constantly cheats

It’s the only way the stupid bitch can beat me at Mario Kart.

A joke from an old timer at a dive bar

How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?


She went downtown and blew a few bucks.

*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away...

Heaven was becoming overcrowded to the point where Saint Peter asked if he could only let people in who had a really bad day before he died.

Once God approved, Peter went back to the pearly gates and saw a line. Excited about the new order he went to the first person and said, “tell me about the day you died.”

The first person said, “it was horrible, I could have sworn my wife was cheating on me so I came home from work early to c...

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A woman found her lover cheating and tried to cut off his penis, but missed and hit his thigh...

she was charged with a misdeweiner.

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Sorry if this one has been posted.

"Why did you cheat on me?!" Asks Marcus

"No I didn't!" Says his girlfriend

"Then why did your pussy taste like Joey's cock?"

A priest walks in to his stock broker’s office. When their business is concluded, the broker sighs and says, “Father, I must confess for I have sinned. I once cheated on my wife.” The priest nods his head and says, “there’s nothing I can do here, we will have to step outside.”

Confused, but eager to get it off his chest, the broker leads him to the door. As soon as they pass through the exit, the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son. Say three Hail Marys and don’t do it again.” The broker is relieved, but also curious. “Father, why couldn’t we do this in my office?”
...

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