This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart.

Brian has a moustache.

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

My wife found out I was cheating

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding…

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me ever again!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dr. Seuss cheated on his wife for 13 years while she was battling cancer and then married his mistress after she died.

He really said "One bitch, two bitch, dead bitch, new bitch".

Bill Gates to Melinda: "I'll never cheat on you again."

"I give you my Word."

A mathematician walks in on his cheating wife

Visibly shook he says, “This relation is not a function.”

An English woman finds out her husband is cheating on her

She is distraught, fueled by anger - so much so that she decides the only course of action is to have him killed. In her grief, she contacts and old friend who works amongst the criminal underbelly of London. He recommends she seek out a specific hitman, known in the business as Big Artie. He is eff...

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

My girlfriend accused me of cheating.

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

How did Rihanna found out Chris Brown was cheating on her

She found another girls lipstick on his knuckles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my wife is cheating on me

we were having sex and she said “oh yeah give me that big dick”

I would never ever cheat in a Relationship..

because that would require 2 people to find me attractive.

My ex husband cheated during our wedding reception

I guess it really was a black tie affair

So A girl got cheated on....

I overheard her complaining to her friends about how all men are pigs. She then said men just f*** Anything that walks. So I turn around, look at her teary eyes and i tell her that's a lie. Men also f*** women who can't walk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man thinks his wife cheats on him when he's at work...

He can't afford cameras, and he aint the brightest guy around, so he thinks a parrot will do the trick. He'll watch what's going on in the house when the man's away and tell him when he gets back.



He goes to a store and explains the situation.

\-I got a great selection of parro...

A husband decided to pull a joke on his wife and texted her saying 'it's not cheating if I leave my socks on is it ?'

She texted back saying 'no hon it's not, I do it all the time'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet

The man says "Aren't you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?" The hitman replies "Yeah, thats me." The man says "I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the penis." The hitman accep...

My girlfriend, Lorraine, dumped me when she found out I was cheating on her with her fit friend, Claire Lee

Good news, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

The local priest is tired of people telling him they cheated in confession

One Sunday near the end of mass he tells his congregation that he doesn’t like hearing people are cheating. He tells the church from now on refer to cheating as “slipping” in confession.

This goes on all spring and summer and when winter comes around the priest decided to retire. He forgot to...

what do you call a large group of men who recently found out they've been cheated on?

A Fluster Cuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him..

A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him. He decides he'd call in during his work day and try to catch his wife in the act. A woman's voice answers the phone, "Hello?"

"Hello? Who is this?" the man replies. The voice responds, "I'm the housekeeper. I was hired this morning. Sh...

My wife said, "You wouldn't think twice about cheating on me if Scarlett Johansson asked you."

"Actually I have," I replied, "and both times I ended up in a long shower."

I just cheated on my wife with her twin

He was a great guy

How does Chris Brown's girlfriend know that he cheated?

Different shade of lipstick on his knuckles.

What does Santa say when he finds that his wife is cheating?

>!HOE HOE HOE!!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cheating on husband

A lady cheats on her husband , her husband always comes late and drunk , so she was having fun with the man in the bed , but this time her husband comes back a little bit early .

So she tell the man “ go stand between those two statues , he won’t notice he is drunk so don’t worry “

S...

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, “with who?“

But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.

Instead ask, “with whom? “ It is important to speak good English.

I can't believe that my cheating girlfriend kicked me out of the house.

All because her husband came back from the army.

My girlfriend said she had a dream where I cheated on her

So I went out that night and picked up a girl at the bar. I want to make all my girlfriend's dreams to come true

Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned

who is willing to sell her husbands tools for cheap.

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn’t.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, “I suspect you’ve been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?”

I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, “I have a lot of secs!”
<...

What did the Bulbasaur say when he found out his wife was cheating on him?

Bulbasaur

My father beats us, cheats, and whenever we touch his property, he says, “I’m going to make you pay!”

I never want to play Monopoly with him again!

My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend

I should've seen the signs.

Batman does not like stealing or cheating….

I’m pretty certain he also doesn’t like Robin

What did Ed Sheeran’s wife do after her husband cheated on her?

Sheeran

Left my ex-wife after catching her cheating on me with her deaf best friend..

I honestly should have read all the signs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is cheating on his wife..

And one night, after a rather energetic session with his mistress, he falls asleep and doesn't wake up until 3am.
Horrified, he scrambles around for his clothes, gets dressed and leaves as fast as he can.
On the way home he has an idea.
He goes to the local park and rubs his shoes in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and meets God before going to heaven

God asks the man if he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife, to which the man replies that he has cheated several times. God then tells the man that in the afterlife the man will only be given an old, crappy car to drive.

Another man dies that day and meets God. God asks the man the same quest...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys died and went to heaven

As they were standing in front of the pearly Gates jesus appeared before them and explained, unfortunately we have been running at full capacity and at the moment we can only let in people in who died in an especially horrific way.

The first guy started to explain how he died. I left work ea...

How did the girl know her glass boyfriend was cheating on her?

She could see right through him.

I won a Minecraft game without cheating

I did it fair and cube.

You know I always used to think that my girlfriend was just not funny.

That was until I realized that she told me jokes everyday! Like “I love you” or “I never cheated on you”

I would never cheat on my wife!

That's why I cheat a few houses away!

Satan got angry

satan got very angry till he started shouting and screaming so he was asked what happened to him

he replied " I keep tempting humans to steal and cheat others but after they get rich they start thanking god for the what they have, heck I was the one who got them there "

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.

I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine is cheating on his wife with an alien from an advanced civilization

That’s fucking intelligent.

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

Girlfriend: Are you cheating on me?

Me: I don’t get why you all ask the same question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new priest decides to automatise his church

He hires a programmer to make as many systems as possible, passing most of the grunt work to computers. Donations can be done through PayPal, and credit cards are accepted for paying the tithe. Alexa buys the flowers and candles on schedule while also controlling the lights and the doors. Finally, t...

My wife accused me of cheating when she found a hidden letter...

I should've known better than to hide my X in the closet.

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

Dating a religious girl is the best

I cheat, she finds out.
Then we go and pray. And **BLAME THE DEVIL FOR IT.**

Santa's wife divorced him after he cheated on her for the fourth time

She could handle the first three ho's but the last one was just too much.

A blonde woman calls a divorce lawyer.

Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce?

Blonde: My husband's been cheating on me.

Lawyer: He's been cheating on you? What makes you say that?

Blonde: He isn't the father of my son.

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

my gf always worries that I will cheat on her if I am on a night out

I reassure her "why would I have a kebab when I have the best steak ever at home"

But when you are drunk those greasy kebabs sure are tasty

I'm in love with a woman called Clairy but I married her sister, Lorraine. I always felt too guilty to cheat on my wife, but here's the thing- she's just left me. So, I guess...

...I can see Clairy now Lorraine has gone.

I caught my wife cheating. This isn’t the first time. I have asked her to leave the family home. I have filled for divorce and will ask for full custody of the kids and the dog. I thought 2020 couldn’t get much worse.

Hopefully this is the last time she steals monopoly money, when playing as the banker.

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

Edit:
I’m aware it dosnt’ look right the way I wrote it ,but you get the gist

Three Men stand before the gates of heaven

The angel who was the keeper of the pearl gates then asks how each of the three mean died. The first man, a big burly individual said "I'd suspected my wife of cheating for some time now, so I came home early to confront her when I was positive the other man was somewhere in our apartment. And when ...

It's a very busy day in heaven, so God tells the angel at the gate to only allow people in who've had a terrible last day on earth.

The angel calls the first guy up, and asks him how his last day on earth was. "Horrible! My last day on earth was the worst in my life! I came home from work early, because I was suspecting that my wife was cheating on me, and when I went into my house I saw her naked in bed! I checked all the cupbo...

Three men are waiting in front of the gates to heaven...

God comes to the first man and asks him how many times have you cheated on your wife? The man says “never would I cheat on my wife. I love her very much”. God looks at him for a second and says “ahh you can’t fool me, I’m god! You’ve cheated on her 10 times! As your punishment, you will have to d...

When I cheat on my wife, I always do it in the morning

Because at the end of the day, I’m faithful

Two Chess Grandmasters sit down for a Drink

They get a little tipsy, and their tongues loosen up.

Charles: “My wife has been awfully quiet recently. I think she may be having an affair.”

Digory: “...”

Charles: “Well come on man, don’t be so glum.”

Digory: “Charles, I have a confession about my last mate.”

Ch...

A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him.

A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him.
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left.

After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A paedophile, a rapist, a cheat, and a liar walk in to a bar...

Bartender says: What can I get for you Mr. President?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman finds out her husband has been cheating on her. In a fit of rage she chops his penis off..

She jumps in the car and starts speeding down the highway and throws his penis out the window.

Little did she know, two nuns were driving in their car on the opposite side of the road.

The penis hits their windshield and flies off.

Nun 1: Oh my goodness!! What kind of bug was ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him.

He came home at lunch time and snuck in the house, to find his wife with another man on top of her. So he hit the guy upside the head with a lamp, knocking him out cold.

When the guy woke up, he was in the detached garage with his dick trapped in vise, with the handle broken off so there was ...

Golf with Ed

Dan was busy at work when he saw Randy and Ed come in for their shifts looking very upset at each other. He tried asking Ed what was wrong, but Ed just pointed to Randy and said "Ask him!".

So Dan asks Randy what happened. Randy sighed and said "Well Dan, would you play with someone who cheat...

A stranger comes up and sits on the chair besides me.

"My week has been horrible," he says.

"What happened?" I asked.

"It only gets worse and worse for each day," he says,.

"Tell me about it."

"On Monday I was fired," he said.

"On Tuesday I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me."

"On Wednsday my parents d...

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront h...

A man way lying on his deathbed when he decided to make a confession to his wife

Man: I have to tell you the truth, I cheated on you with your best friend

Wife: I have to be honest with you too, I already know - that's why I poisoned you

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

Man calls home on the landline and the butler picks up the phone

Man: Hand over the phone to my wife.

Butler: But she is in the bedroom with sir.

Man: But I am here. Who is she with? I am sure she is cheating on me.

Listen. I’ll pay you $20000. Go and kill both of them right now.

Butler: Ok. Hang on.

After 2 minutes.
...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, tired of being cheated on, makes a resolution that he would only marry a girl who doesn’t even know what a penis is.

He begins his search for the ultimate soulmate from his village. He sees a girl standing near a field, says “Pardon me but...” whips out his penis and asks, “do you know what this is?” “A penis” she responds and the man leaves the scene.

Unable to find anyone in his village after tens of tri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

Respectfully cheating

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ...

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

Man caught wife cheating

a man walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with another man.

"what are you doing?" he yells.

"see?" the wife says to her lover. "and he asks what we are doing!". "I told you he is dumb."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:

Most Honorable Sir,

You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

What do you call Fidel Castro cheating on a partner?

In-Fidel Castro

3 Guys are waiting in line to enter heaven

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first guy, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

The difference between a stupid person and a pizza

One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought my wife was cheating on me but it turns out she's just fucking crazy.

Yeah, apparently I have multiple personality disorder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor put me on a strict vegan diet, but every Monday I’m allowed a cheat day

So I nip out and fuck his wife.

Joe kept cheating at the limbo competition, my buddy pulled me aside and says:

"Man, how low can you go."

What happen when paprika cheat on oregano?

Bay leaves

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

A football player asked his wife if she ever cheated on him

This is translated from Arabic, I don’t know if it’s going to be funny as in Arabic but I’ll try my best *fingers crossed*

A football player once asked his wife if she ever cheated on him, she answered with “yes, three times.” He then asked “Ok, tell me about the first time.” She said, “Do y...

God tells these 3 guys that the vehicle they'll be driving around in heaven will be a reflection of how faithful they were to their wives

The first guy was cheating on his wife like every month, so God gave him a Chevy to drive around in heaven.

The second guy cheated on his wife once or twice over the years, but overall was pretty faithful, so God gave him an Acura to drive around in heaven.

The third guy never cheated ...

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

I didn't cheat on my diet

I had an entanglement with a slice of cake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sangfroid is not saying "carry on" when you catch your wife cheating.

Sangfroid is when the husband of the woman you're having sex with says, "Carry on," and so you do.

My wife said she cheated on me

Too bad I'm a heavy sleeper, I couldn't feel them all night.

How do you cheat on your wife with an adult actress and commit tax fraud without consequences?

Win the Republican nomination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys Appear at the Gates of Heaven suddenly!

St Peter is Surprised and asked the first guy how he got here. " I had come home from a horrible day at work only to find my wife in bed naked and cheating on me with another man. However I searched everywhere and I got so angry I picked up the fridge, chucked it out the window and then had a heart ...

Frank, Ron, and Steve, all avid golfers, die and meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates…

Saint Peter says “Behind these gates is the most beautiful golf course you could ever imagine, all you need is a set of clubs.”

Saint Peter turns to Frank and asks, “How many times did you cheat on your spouse?” Frank, ashamed of himself, answers “About a dozen times.”

“Tsk tsk” mumbl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chai...

It’s absolutely disgusting the way people cheat on their taxes...

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk husband walks in on his wife cheating on him with two other guys..

He stares at them then shouts “Wow, it takes two of you? I can fuck her all by myself”

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

So he walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't he...

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

So I caught my girl cheating again

This time I caught her doing it with my Dad and before that my brother like seriously. So I was wondering if anyone know how I can tell her I just want to be cousins.

I’m having a hard time remembering the punchline of this joke about the wife who found her husband, naked and unconscious, after he’d cheated for the last time.

The long and short of it was in her hands.

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.