I would never cheat in a relationship,

because that would require two people to find me attractive.

If someone with a toe fetish cheats on you

Does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?

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A successful bussinessman has a work trip coming up and hes worried that his beautiful girlfriend will cheat on him when he is gone

So he goes to the best sex shop in town and starts looking through the toys. He sees dildos but doesn't feel they'll do the trick. He sees vibrators but also doesnt feel safe, so he goes to the owner. He asks for the best sex toy available. The owner goes to the back of the shop and gets a wooden bo...

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.

Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.

Frog wife "have you been cheating on me?"

Human prince: "No"

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man

I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said "He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!" I replied, "That's because it's his job, honey."

I just got cheated on by a tennis player

I guess my love meant nothing to her

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play Scrabble with me ever again

A man who has been doing keto for five years cheats his diet at a party.

His friend, shocked, asked him if it was hard for him to do.
The man replied, "it was a piece of cake".

A guy in a small town finds out his wife is cheating on him...

In a rage, he grabs his 6-shooter and kicks open the front door of the only bar in town and yells at everyone, "Whoever is sleeping with my wife is about to be shot!"

...

Quiet voice in the back says, "You're going to need more bullets mate..."

I found out my dad was cheating my on my mom with an obese woman.

I guess you could say he was screwing a-round.

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I suspected my wife might be cheating on me so I went to my psychic to find out

And there she was, licking that bitch's pussy.

I was dating a tennis player, but then she cheated on me

For a while I was at my break point until I realized it wasn’t my fault. Love means nothing to them.

A lion would never cheat on its wife.

But a Tiger wood.

My Girlfriend caught me cheating so I broke up with her.

I can't be with someone who can't mind their own business.

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My wife asked me if I would ever cheat on her with another woman, I told her no...

By the way I am gay.

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Poor old Jim finds out his wife is cheating with his best friend.

He wants to hire a hitman to put an end to their affair. The private investigator Jim hired recommends a guy who's supposedly the top in the field. Jim only has a few thousand dollars in savings, though, after the lengthy surveillance campaign, and he worries it won't be enough.

"That's okay...

My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend!

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.

I cheated on my wife with a girl I met at a mundane AA meeting.

It was a sober affair.

If I get caught cheating on this math test

I'll have a problem on my hands

There's some guy handing out awards to couples that cheat.

He's medaling in other people’s affairs.

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A woman found her lover cheating and tried to cut off his penis, but missed and hit his thigh...

she was charged with a misdeweiner.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her ?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

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A paedophile, a rapist, a cheat, and a liar walk in to a bar...

Bartender says: What can I get for you Mr. President?

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I hate it when my girlfriend constantly cheats

It’s the only way the stupid bitch can beat me at Mario Kart.

Dr Seuss cheated on his wife and she ended up killing herself.

One wife, two wife, dead wife, new wife

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me...

This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

Edit:
I’m aware it dosnt’ look right the way I wrote it ,but you get the gist

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A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with hus best friend.

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy that charges $10,000 per bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, w...

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I was cheating on her.

She told all her friends I had a small dick. Luckily they all knew she was lying.

What did Jessie say to Woody when he caught her cheating with Buzz?

"You've got a friend in me."

Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the East Australian, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of another beluga.

I like to stay on top of current affairs.

A wife was cheating on her husband when they both heard a key turning in the apartment door..

"Jesus, it's my husband" said the woman, "Quick, jump out the window".
"Are you crazy" the man said, " We're on the 13th floor".
"This is not time to be superstitious" she said.

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

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A recent study shows that 60% of people use their cellphones to cheat on their partners.

The remaining 40% prefer to use their penis.

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A king was skeptical of his wife cheating on him with one of the generals, so before his out of the country trip

He inserts a razor blade in her vagaina. After his return to the kingdom,2 weeks later, he has all of his generals line up and orders them to pull down their pants. All of them had a cut besides one general.

The king says to the general " you're my most loyal general, all these people have ...

My wife found out I was cheating and broke up with me

I didn't know Monopoly was such a big deal for her.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

I have laryngitis and my girlfriend cheated on me.

I can't tell you how upset I am.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating....

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife!

My wife told me length doesn’t matter, but I caught her cheating on me with some guy named Pythagorus.

I knew the moment our paths crossed my life would take a different trajectory.

Just wasn’t expecting it to end in a love triangle. I guess I didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

A woman is caught cheating on her husband...

Her son walks in from school, with her husband close behind. Thinking fast, she shoves her lover and the boy into the closet, then begins casually talking to the husband.

" It sure is dark in here... It'd be a shame if I were to... Scream." Whispers the boy slyly.

" Please don't tell...

What did Ilhan Omar's husband say when he found out she cheated on him?

I'm telling mom.

My boyfriend cheated on me so I stole his wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back to me?

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The magic hand. (Long)

A man was going to be going out of town for a while on a work trip, and wanted to make sure his wife didn’t cheat on him. So he decided to go to a sex toy shop to get her something to entertain herself with while he’s away. He enters the store and describes his predicament to the shopkeeper. “If you...

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My cheating ex is an Internet porn star!

Well, now she is anyway.

>!I know, I know. Dick move. Work with me here.!<

My wife keeps cheating

At monopoly, her boyfriend is pretty good though

I went to the doctor and he said you have the blood pressure of a 14 year old kid

I said great. He said, not so great, a 14 year old *American* child. You got four months to live.

Kids are so fat these days the first letters they learn in the alphabet are not ABC, it's KFC.

Kids are so fat these days they use cheat codes to play Pokemon Go.

Kids are so fat th...

I know how to cheat death

Stay at the living room

Today my cannibal friend cheated on her husband

He always had a bad taste for women.

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

So he walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't he...

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him...

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. ...

Why is it impolite to say Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat?

Ettiquete dictates you say, "President Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat."

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

Don't worry if you have been cheating on your taxes.

It'll be fine.

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?”

“No, I didn’t know that.” The man replied.

“So what color are your wife’s eyes?” asked the friend.

The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out.”

So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife’s ey...

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“I can’t believe that you’ve been cheating on me with prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You cannot blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

I read somewhere that 1 out of 3 people cheat

I did the math, and there is a 5/9 chance that my wife and/or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Men don't cheat

We just practice with other girls to become a better boyfriend

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Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

Rubbing it just ain't the same

A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife." The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?" The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other." The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as putt...

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her.

His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?”
The wife replied “perform the fucking autopsy!”

A man cheats on his girlfriend, Lorraine, with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine dies. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings loudly, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.

The government hates competition.

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A wife cheats on her husband, so he starts packing his things.

He's got most of his stuff packed but needs one more box, so he goes down to the basement to find another one. But the only box he can find is shaped like a duck. He figures he just wants to pack and get out, so he takes it.

As he's packing his remaining things, his wife says "why the hell a...

Where is the best place to cheat on someone.

A Ferris wheel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss is really into health eating, but Friday is his cheat day...

...which is when he fucks his secretary.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked…

'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a...

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

An old married couple was sitting on a bench in a park. They have seen plenty of struggles and success in their long life together, and now were enjoying retirement.

"I have been faithful to you all these years, darling", the man continued, "I have sometimes wondered about your loyalty, but I...

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On his 25th wedding anniversary, a man asks his wife if she ever cheated on him

"I've cheated on you three times" she says.

"When was the first?" he asks

"Well, remember 20 years ago when you wanted to start your business but no bank would give you a loan, then miraculously one bank did? It was no miracle. I fucked the bank manager."

The husband said "Well,...

Need help cheating on a test?

Just memorize the information the day before your teacher cant catch you because its all in your head

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Gruesome deaths

Three men go to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter tells them that heaven is currently overloading, and only people who have had particularly gruesome or sad deaths may enter. He then proceeds to ask the first man how he died.

"Well, it's a really weird story. I came home from work early because...

My girlfriend said to me, "I know you've been cheating on me with that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch."

I said, "How can you say such a thing?"

On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.

The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.

One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.

Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother ...

What did the elephant say when he caught his wife cheating?

"Can we talk about the elephant in our room?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven but St Peter says that heaven is kinda full and, for whatever reason, they’re only letting in the people that have died in the most traumatic way...

So the first man steps forward and says “That’s me! I was convinced my wife was cheating and left work early to catch her in the act. I burst into the bedroom and find her in bed, the sheets are a mess, the smell of sex is in the air, but she swears she was just sleeping, I search the apartment high...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

A husband cheats on his wife with another man and beggs for forgiveness

Wife: I can't believe it, how could you do this?

Husband: I know I'm sorry, I was not thinking straight!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 12 year old boy goes in the confession box and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies angrily, "You better not be cheating on me, you little bastard"

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.

He asks her - why did you say that?

I don't know, I just felt like saying it.

The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.

A month later at bedtim...

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Cyclops came in the cave all angry and hot

Cyclops: I know you are cheating on me! Who are you fucking!

Wife: Nobody!!

How did the pastor cope with cheating on his wife?

With thots and prayers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife caught me cheating.

My wife ran out the room last night, she turned and screamed at me, 'And you know what? You've gone too far this time.....we're finished!! You're bankrupt and the way you wander round the streets so aimlessly, it's a suprise you don't one day end up in prison!'' But babe...' I said, taking a step ...

A man walks in on his wife cheating with another man. He says “are you kidding me?!”

The wife says “no, I’m adulting you.”

[Oh, yeah?] My ex-wife cheated on me with a communist!

...there were so many red flags.

As a child I was traumatized by the priest

He was cheating on me

What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?

They are both home wreckers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

My wife thinks I'm cheating on her.

It's affair assumption.

I think my girlfriend may be cheating on me.

When I got home early from work, something just didn’t seem right. I even asked the guy in bed with her if he had noticed anything suspicious.

Today I admitted to my girlfriend that I’ve been cheating. Apparently, she has been too.

She saw my internet history so I knew there was no way out of it. I had to come clean.

She used my Safari to search for something when her phone was dead, and caught me.

We play Wordscapes and although it isn’t a huge competition between us, I’m much father along in the game than she i...

What did the journalist say when the news broke of the gooseberries cheating on each other?

This is a sad state of currant affairs.

Suspecting a Cheating Spouse

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."...

The teacher called me out in front of the whole class for cheating on the final and took away my A+.

It was degrading.

I'm a foot fetishist and I cheated on my wife while she was introducing me to her friends.

I must've got off on the wrong foot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Catholicism, you can only have sex with your partner when you are married. So if priests are married to God, they can have sex with God.

And sometimes they cheat on God with altar boys.

I found out my secretary cheats on me...

with her husband

A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a handjob.

Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mu girlfriend said she has been cheating on me with my friend.

I can't fucking believe her. I have got a friend?

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am so glad that I waited until marriage to have sex with my girlfriend

Sex is way more fun when I am cheating on my wife

I need to clarify this

is it cheating if I give my wife's husband a hand job?

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