My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one.

I corrected him that Paul had epistle...

Owning a house is like the music of Bill Withers.

When you move in it’s like “Lovely Day”, but after a few years it’s more like “Lien On Me”.

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

How do Millennials fireproof their homes?

By never owning one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Owning a successful business is just like telling people you’re pregnant.

Owning a successful business is just like telling people you’re pregnant.

Everybody says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you got fucked before you got there. 

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s common between owning a cat and voting?

Checking a box for a piece of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Man Get's The Attention Of The IRS For Some Suspicious Activities

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

three men were sitting in a prison in moscow

they discuss why they were arrested
the first one says ”I showed up ten minutes late to work and was arrested for sabotage”
the second one says “I showed up five minutes early to work and was arrested for espionage”
the third one says “I showed up to work on time and was arrested for ownin...

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

dream

Chatting with my colleagues, my colleagues said: I once had a dream of owning a house of my own when I was 30 years old. I asked: Has your dream come true? A colleague said: half achieved. I asked curiously: how is it half? A colleague said: I am thirty years old.

What's the most profitable part of owning a lemonade stand?

Selling the antidote.

What's the worst part about owning a Corvette?

Trying to keep your chest hair from getting stuck in your gold chain.

What’s more American than owning your own home?

Not owning your own home.

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