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Manufacturing Jokes

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

The problem with manufacturing Edam cheese

Is that it's made backwards

What do you call an adequate manufacturing plant?

A satisfactory

What is one catch phrase that a condom manufacturing company should never use?

Tried and Tested!

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?

It's counterproductive

Harry's local manufacturing business was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen.

Police are currently combing the area for clues.

I have an idea for an innovative condom manufacturing company.

Calling it Lay Techs

I've started a glass coffin manufacturing business.

My friend asked me if I thought it would be successful. I replied "remains to be seen".

I just lost my job manufacturing children’s playground aparatus

This industry is all swings and roundabouts

How will Trump add yuge amounts of manufacturing jobs?

He will build alternative fact-tories

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why.

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why. They finally brought in an expert to fix the problem.

The guy basically walks in, inspects the equipment, takes out a chalk piece, marks one unit with an X mark and leaves.

The plant’s owner replaces the unit and viola! everyth...

My grandfather made a fortune manufacturing kitchen appliances

He was a fridge magnate.

Credit: Hot Fuzz

I used to work for a submarine manufacturing company.

Unfortunately, it went under

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to take a job manufacturing double-ended dildos...

I'm just trying to make ends meet.

My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys

I have to make every second Count

In a certain country, there are specialized manufacturing villages

There are shoes village, candy village, light bulb village... Deeper in the mountains there are villages that even produce things like air conditioners or TVs.
But the most rural one is the remote village.

Apple is planning on getting into the electric car manufacturing business.

Only when their cars are finally out in the market for sale, it will be fully autonomous. The steering wheel is optional. It will be sold separately for $5,000.

Manufacturing of the first coin to enter circulation carrying the image of King Charles is underway at the Royal Mint. As is tradition, Charles faces left on the new 50p

As when it comes to things involving her children, the Queen always looked the other way.

Manufacturer closes before Christmas

The town manufacturer moved their operations to another country, to pay lower wages. The people who worked in the town, lost their jobs and were suddenly thrust into poverty.

An entrepreneur heard about this situation. Joseph P Klanta was operating several manufacturing operations. His s...

A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks" says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it".

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.

"No, thanks" the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol on...

What do you call a new mitten manufacturing company formed by a U.S. senator?

Bernie's Handers.

Why is calcium vital in the brass instrument manufacturing industry?

Because calcium helps build trombones

China's manufacturing has halted but at least they can keep making...

the News.

Kraft is planning on building a manufacturing plant in the Middle East.

They will call it "Cheeses of Nazareth".

A man who worked two jobs, archery manufacturing and mailman, was well known for his prowess in bed.

He could make them quiver when he delivered.

Today I was asked about my job manufacturing nuts and bolts

I told them it was quite riveting

I recently had to sell my calculator manufacturing business.

The numbers just weren't adding up.

A man working at a coffee manufacturing plant slips and falls into a vat of boiling hot coffee.

Friend: I can only imagine it was a slow death.
Wife: no. It was instant.

Why Germans are so good at car engine manufacturing?

Because they have a lot of experience on combustion chambers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a pansexual named Nick who works in CD manufacturing?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.

The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.

These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.

Why?

It's because they are Palindrones.

If the rumors about Apple manufacturing a driverless car...

Then I can't wait to drive into the middle of the Atlantic ocean!

No more Kleenex for you!!!!

Kimberly Clark is shutting down their manufacturing plant in Canada meaning they will no longer be selling Kleenex to Canadians..... Well, that really blows

Despite Trump's recent push to bring manufacturing jobs to the U,S., where are most of his Signature Series ties made?

Tieland

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New company mergers

(I marked it NSFW because of the last one - not sure if it's considered NSFW, so just to be safe...)

For all of you with any money, be aware of these expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations:

1. Hale Business S...

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


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