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Damages Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the ta...

A man walks into a bar and asks for the bill

The bartender looks confused and tells the man he didn't order anything.

The man says I know, but I own the zoo down the street. I heard about the time a grizzly bear, elephant, monkey, tiger, alligator,... walked into a bar. I'm here to pay for the damages.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australian Guy on honeymoon and his Wife slips and damages her pussy.

He calls his mate and explains what has happened, his mate says bummer mate, he replies fucking hell Bruce didn't think of that I owe you a beer.

A bus crashes into a large hospital. The bus apologizes and promises to pay the hospital for the damages.

He says he'll be back in a week with the money. The hospital gladly agrees to the terms.

A week later, the bus comes to the hospital.
"Sorry, Hospital, some things have happened and I'm not able to pay you right now. Is it okay if I pay you in about two weeks?" asks Bus.

"Sure," say...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.

After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says,“That is correct.”

“And does it m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunkard was zigzagging his way through the streets at 4AM. Two policemen in a car decided to approach him...

One cop asked "where are you going at this time of night?"

"I'm going to a lecture"

"A lecture?! At this time of night? What about?!"

"About the effects of alcohol and drugs on the human body. The damages caused by living a reckless life. The degradation that free love and sex ...

Legal ramifications of roaming livestock

An issue/nuisance some farmers encounter is roaming livestock. For example, a farmer could lose some money if his neighbor’s livestock graze on his land and eat or trample on his crops. In the US, many states have enacted laws to address this issue, deferring the scheme to individual counties.
...

My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".

I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer was involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck...

He ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.

'I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?' said the counsel for the insurance company. 'Yes, that's right,' replied the farmer. 'You claim you were injured in the accident, yet i have a...

Definitions in construction

*Tender submission* - A game of poker in which the losing hand wins
*Tender sum* - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places
*Successful Tenderer* - A contractor wondering what they left out.
*Architect* - A person who knows very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and le...

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