An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his real estate agent to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”

“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I on...

I hear it’s a good time to buy real estate in Texas!

The housing market is flooded.

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What's important to remember when buying real estate in Japan?

Look Asian, look Asian, look Asian.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…

"Nobody move!"

Robber runs into a real estate agents office and shouts

Nobody move

I was watching the Super Bowl at my friends house when my real estate agent called me...

Told me some of my property had burned down.

In both cases, Mahomes' on fire.

Help! What to do with a piece of empty Real Estate?

It was my Christmas gift for Mariah Carey, but when I gave it to her she told me,
"I don't want a lot for Christmas"

A real estate investor was surprised to see all of his houses had been broken into. After all, he is the world’s best theft detective.

If there’s one thing he does best , it’s that he Sherlocks Holmes

What do you call alligators interested in real estate?

A: Invest-igators

When it comes to board games about buying real estate...

Hasbro really has the Monopoly.

What does a british real estate agent care most about?

His proper tea

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings

but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.

You need 9 lives to pay it off.

Ps - should this be in /showerthoughts?

As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...

Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a Golf club.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W ...

What's a real estate agents favorite song?

For lease navidad

Donald Trump is an amazing real estate investor.

His New York properties are so hot right now!

Why did the Real Estate Agent fail to sell the house next to a horse stable?

Because his clients were worried about the neigh-bors.

What do you call a detective in the real estate business?

Sherlock Homes

Hey guys! I need help with coming some jokes about real estate. Does anyone have any good, clean and appropriate jokes?

I'm doing some work for an organization and they requested some jokes about real estate. So far, I'm having a really difficult time coming up with good jokes :(. But my work said I'm allowed to ask Reddit for help. So if anyone can help me out, that would be much appreciated!

A frog goes into a bank

“What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.

“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.

“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.

The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What ...

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A real estate agent and a pimp are having drinks at a hotel bar

"Today was a great day. I made 100,000 dollars!" The real estate agent proclaims.

The pimp asks, "how the hell did you make so much money in a single day?"

"Well" replies the agent, "I had a couple who want to sell their house for 500,000 dollars and I sold it today."

"So what c...

What’s the difference between Hallmark movies and Scooby-Doo?

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

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4 Former Classmates, who were great friends and who haven't seen each other in years meet at a restaurant

After a while of talking one asks: “So guys, how are your eldest sons doing?“ Another one excuses himself to the restroom.

So the first one starts to talk about his eldest son: “I couldn't complain. He is the Ceo of a big car manifacturer and makes good money. He even gifted his lover a Lambo...

Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property?

because I'm about to pump my liquid assets into you

There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

[Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world.

He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. "It's in tent A!" they said. The last ...

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Four affluent fathers meet for a yearly round of golf.

Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each other. As fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children. The first father brags, "my son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house to one of his friends for free!"

Th...

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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

Can you make me some good real estate jokes?

I have some clients in real estate that I'll be seeing soon. Can you give me a list of jokes I could use on them? Something like, "What did one home for sale say to the other?"

A man moves from China to the US looking for work

After he and his wife settle in, they find themselves prospering in their new country. Years later, they have a son, who grows up to be a powerful and respected businessman. One day, he comes home with a woman wrapped around his arm

"Mom, Dad" he says,"This is Tiffany Wong." His parents are...

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns

Last time I voted for a real estate agent

LAWYERS DON'T LIE

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy ...

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A friend told me this, and he might have got it from reddit so this might be a repost but here it goes [Long]

3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.

They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be ...

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I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

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A girl tells her parents she's pregnant

A girl tells her parents she's pregnant. The Mom goes ape shit and says "you call that bastard over here right now!".

Later that evening a distinguished gentleman in his 40's arrives in a Lamborghini. He gets out of the car and approaches the girl's parents who are understandably furious....

A cemetery superintendent was hoping to approve newly donated lands for internment

The Holy Cross Cemetery had received a surprise donation that would double the real estate of their current holdings, which were already overcrowded.

The lead undertaker, Arthur Falconer, was tasked by the superintendent with surveying the new land to plan how to layout the new headstones....

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Three legged chicken

A real estate agent from the city is driving down a county road looking for the place he is to meet a new client. He looks out the window and sees a three legged chicken running beside him in the ditch.
He is amazed that as he looked at the speedometer in his car and he's doing 40 mph, all the w...

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Four guys are in a bar bragging about their kids when one goes to piss..

First guy says, "my son is in real estate and is so successful he just gave a guy a house". Next one says, "my boy is at Ferrari and just gave his friend a car". Third guy says, "oh yeah? My son is in charge of Boeing and just gave his friend a jet"! The fourth guy returns and they ask what his son ...

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Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

So There's a Gypsy and a Doctor (old Croatian joke)

The gypsy and the doctor are both in the market looking for houses. So the doctor decides that he wants his own custom house. So he buys a plot of land. And, seeing the doctor as a smart man, the gypsy does the same.

Once construction on the houses had begun, the gypsy copied everything the ...

Last will of Morris Schwartz

Morris Schwartz lies on deathbed and his end is near. In the room with him is his wife, his daughter, his two sons and nurse. Morris knows he will die soon so he says:


„Bernie, you take the houses in Beverly Hills.

Sybil, you take the apartments in Los Angeles Plaza.

Hymie, ...

My Irish friend Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night.

"What did you get?" I asked.

"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."

I said, "Dude, these are from an real estate agents."

Forty years after graduating, four friends from business school decide to have a reunion.

The first three arrive at the same time. As they wait for their fourth friend, they start talking, catching up on the years they missed. All of them have had careers, married, and had children who are themselves having careers.

"My son has been such a successful real estate businessman that h...

A group of wealthy gentlemen were sitting at a luncheon arguing over who made the most money...

Man #1 says "I am the wealthiest man here. I am a banker. Every month, I make a handsome profit in the interests on all my loans at once."

Man #2 says "Ah, but I own the operations of a massive oil production. I never even have to work and every quarter my profits triple because demand is so ...

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A graduate has an interview at a fancy restaurant

A young achiever recently graduated from university and is in the process of interviewing for her first "real" job. She made it past the preliminaries with one of her preferred employers and was invited to have dinner at a fancy restaurant with her potential boss. Naturally, she arrives early to mak...

I was chatting to this extraordinarily attractive girl the other day...

"What do you do for a living?"' I asked her.

"Real estate, you know, selling houses, apartments etc, What do you have?" she replied.

"At the moment', I replied, "I just happen to have a semi".

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Funny but old fake adopt an Enron Exec email from way back.

Remember that whole Enron Scandal? I was looking through some old computer back up disks and found this. Probably wont be funny to younger kids but some old farts like me might get a chuckle:


**Adopt an Enron Executive**

Dear kind-hearted friends...Now that the holiday season has p...

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