I spent way too much time, perched uncomfortably, trying to figure out exactly where my property ends and my neighbors property begins.

I'm *still* on the fence

My neighbor got busted for growing weed today

Turns out my property line isn't anywhere near where I thought it was.

What did the old man say when the local blacksmiths caught him trying to scare everyone away from town so he could buy up all the property for himself?

I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you metaling kids.

If Forrest Gump ran a property management group, what would it be called?

New Tenant Dan

Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property.

The police forced the fryers to close down their stall located just outside the mansion, where they had been selling flowers.

Said one fryer, "well if it was anyone else we may have gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist fryers."

Hippity hoppity people aren’t property

-Abraham Lincoln

Why is cliff front property so expensive in Scotland?

The sheep back up harder.

What do you call a concern about a specific time you may have booked on Native American property?

A reservation reservation reservation.

Women are not the property of men.

Properties value goes up as it age.

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There is a boy who is always in trouble, he is constantly upsetting the other children and damaging the school property. Eventually, a letter is sent home to his parents...

...saying the school has put up with his bad behaviour long enough. This morning, they found him masturbating in class so they have expelled him. The letter continues: “I
suggest you talk to your son about his dirty little habit as soon as possible. Tell him he’ll go blind if he carries on.
Yo...

My friend from Cairo keeps trying to sell me his time share property...

... I think it might be a Pyramid Scheme.

What do you call a hooker that was arrested for theft of intellectual property?

An unoriginal thot

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A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race & buys a property way out west

No electricity, no phones - no company. He has read everything he can &, after a few weeks is getting a bit bored. One afternoon he seens the dust coming up way in the distance coming towards him, a while later a crusty old bushie gets out of a battered holden ute and puts out his hand. "Hello m...

TIFU by installing my fence on my neighbors property

Oops, wrong place for this post.

I recently was told that a deceased relative left me with a piece of their property that's potentially worth millions of dollars:

a lottery ticket.

A rancher was at the edge of his property one day, looking over his fence.

The rails looked great but water near the base had caused the fenceposts to rot and weaken. He took a picture of the fence, uploaded it to Imgur, and linked to it from r/jokes.





"Welp, that oughta do it," he said to himself. "Just gotta give it a couple of days and it'll be r...

A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter.

St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding."

So he chooses to check out hell first. He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and ...

I received a call from a man trying to sell shares in Egyptian property.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme.

What's the most important property of a sparkling pink ship?

It's flamboyant.

I built a fence 6 inches over the property line and my neighbor got right up in my face.

He has real boundary issues.

A marriage contract does not make the wife the property of the man.

It does, however, give him exclusive drilling rights.

Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property?

because I'm about to pump my liquid assets into you

A man is buying property from a realtor...

And he’s seeing some really nice lots for sell. However, he’s seeing something odd... the first lot he sees is lot 1, then he sees lots 2 and 3, but the next lot is lot 5. After that he sees lots 7, 11, and 13. Puzzles, the man asks, “Hey, what about all the other lots?” The realtor looks at him an...

I built a fence around my house today but accidentally encroached on my neighbor's property.

I guess I'll have to repost tomorrow.

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A bad smell follows the bastard

A woman came home from work one day, and her husband of fifteen years had a rather dramatic message for her: he wanted a divorce.

Understandably, she was quite devastated by the news, and to make matters worse he demanded she move out of their home before the end of the month. He offered her ...

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

So, Bob shot a duck and it fell into Tom's property...

...Bob quickly hopped over the fence and went into Tom's backyard to get his meal, but Tom walks outside and finds Bob trespassing.

"Hey, Bob! That duck is in MY property, and it is MINE."

"No way, Tom! I shot this duck fair and square. I shot it, so I eat it!"

"How ...

Been thinking of buying property in Syria...

heard the housing markets been booming.

A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.

But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.

“The problem,” she said, “is that’s a piece of prime real estate.”

A friend was talking to me about investing in property in the Middle East

"Dubai?" I asked.

"No, I can't afford it yet", he replied.

Remember when OJ Simpson was found innocent and all of us white people hit the street looting and damaging property?!

Oh, that's right, we didn't...

I never really met my neighbors until they tried to sue me over the ownership of some property.

Turns out we had a lot in common.

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[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

A Muslim man came to the USA many years ago.

He found love, got married and had a son.

The son eventually graduated University, found a wife, got married and moved away for job reasons.

Unfortunately, one day the old man's wife passes away, leaving him alone in his house with a huge garden.

After a lot of grief, the man ...

Dear redditors, I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."...

My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft.

I didn't take a fence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man moves out to the country

As he is unloading his moving truck, another vehicle pulls onto his property. A man gets out and says

"Hi, I'm your closest neighbor, I live about a mile down that way. I'm having a party this weekend. It should be a lot of fun, lots of drinking, fighting, and fucking. What do you say?"<...

If a cat catches all the mice on your property...

does that make it squeaky clean?

A man reported that his chickens had been stolen off his property

Police suspect fowl play.

Always be sure to pay the Priest who performs the exorcism on your property.

Or they'll come back and re-possess your house.

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Last Will and Testament

**Last Will & Testament:**


His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.


When all is ready he begins to speak. "My son, Sam, I want you to take the Ocean Reef...

A man is walking down an alleyway...

A man is walking down an alleyway when he encounters a lamp, he rubs it with caution and out pops a genie, who is dressed like a Douchebag. "I will grant you three wishes, however, whatever you wish for, your ex - wife gets double". The man thinks for a bit then replies with "1 Million dollars, plea...

Don't believe everything you hear

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator r...

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
...

Why is suicide illegal in most countries?

Because the government do not want you destroying their property.

Tea break is over.

Back to work citizen.

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A man and his family have a pet duck

Most of the time, the duck stays near the little pond that lies in the corner of their property. Every now and then, the duck wanders around, and sometimes crosses the fence into the neighbor's land.

The neighbor, Mr. Wilson, is a bitter, mean old man who always yells at the children for lett...

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The DEA search an old man's farm.

A DEA agent rolls up to a farm and speaks to the old farmer: "Sir we have received an anonymous tip off that you may be storing illegal drugs on your property. I have a warrant here to search your entire farm."

The farmer replies: "This is outrageous! I'm just a poor old man trying to earn a ...

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
<...

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other.

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman...

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

What do you call an educated woman in a third world country?

Intellectual property

My dad was showing me how to use a bow

He took me to the edge of our rather large property,

He shot one tree, then another, then another, with very impressive aim.

"Alright son, you're up!"

I aimed at a tree that hadn't been shot yet

"No son! Not that one!"

"Why not?"

"Because that's not archery...

I've decided to rent out my brain

After all, its intellectual property

A man and his wife just bought a new beach house with their lottery winnings.

At the wife's insistence, they start planning a lavish party to get to know their new neighbors, and the husband is put in charge of securing catering. He orders all the other food she wants for the menu, but unfortunately he forgets the escargot, and by the time he realizes it's too late. He figure...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was threatening to leave me because of my misogyny. The next day I found her having sex with the neighbour..

All I could yell was "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PROPERTY"

A farmer is walking to the barn one day to milk the cow...

On his way he passes a small pond on his property, where he hears giggles and splashes.

Upon coming closer he finds several young beautiful women skinny dipping and they all cry out as they see him and jump in, saying “we’re not coming out until you leave !”

“Suit yourself” the farme...

There’s a queen a king and a Mongolian slave Child in a hotel. How many people are there?

None the queen is a bed the king is also a bed and slaves are property.

Hugh Hefner was sitting in the Playboy mansion, admiring 'the view'

He then heard there were a group of people at the door, trying to sell him flowers.

He went out and said, "Can I help you?"
"HI sir! We are from Rainbow Florists and would like to know if you want to buy some beautiful flowers for your beautiful ladies?"

"Get the hell off my propert...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I'd share my favorite joke.

It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind ;)



Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the e...

Why do women make less money than men

Because of the property tax

Damn, I can't afford a girlfriend,

Property tax is just too much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Particular Gardener (OC)

A gardener was starting a new job on a beautiful property, its driveway lined with fir trees, peacocks roaming the grounds, and a beautiful water feature in the middle of the round drive-end in front of what could only be described as a mansion.

As he hopped out of his truck this rather elega...

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