UPJOKE
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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey let’s go ride our bikes!

What’s the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

How do you get Trump to change a light bulb?

Tell him Obama installed it!

How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...problem is finding a light bulb with enough room for people to screw

How many construction workers does it take to change a light bulb?

You need at least 4 people to figure out how to make this job last 3 months while the other 4 are on smoke break.

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They're happy living in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many medical professionals does it take to change alight bulb?

One nurse to check the temperature of the bulb. One GP to suspect the bulb is burnt out. One specialist to confirm the diagnosis. A surgeon and an anesthesiologist for this major organ transplant. A team of nurses and PAs to aid in the surgery. And a physical therapist to aid in the socket's recover...

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light has to really want to change.


Give me your best lightbulb joke.

How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

five... six... seven... eight!

How many right wingers does it take to change a light bulb?

I've yet to find out because they all just stand around crying about the change

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know either, but it sure isn't 8 because my basement is still dark!

How many Texans does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.

1 to hold the light bulb.

And 2 to turn the ladder!

How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?

5 policemen. 3 to arrest the lightbulb for being broke and 2 to beat the room for being black.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other night my wife and I were getting busy in bed....

She whispered in my ear “turn off the light and shove it in my arse”. I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

How many Russians does it take to change a Ukrainian lightbulb?

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

How many Scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

That depends on the amount of workforce initiated by the individual and the amount of money given to the cult.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?

2. One to change it and one to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

10

One to change the bulb and nine to make t shirts for the event.

Hagrid: you’re a light bulb Harry!

Harry Potter: I’m a watt!?

How many Metalheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100.


1 to screw it in, and 99 to tell you that light bulbs were better in the 80s.

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

How many right wingers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I have no idea because every time I ask they all argue about unnecessary change

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many group members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the...

Two factory workers are talking among themselves.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

To which the woman answers, "Just wait and watch."
She hangs herself upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in, takes a look at her and asks, "What are you doing?"...

How many media outlets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Outrage! as light socket forced into pairing with light bulb. "I just couldn't imagine this would be happening to me". Light socket is quoted as saying after the incident.


Pressure mounts on controversial home owner who refuses to rule out further forced bulb screw ins.


Associ...

Why was there an electric bulb in the cooking pot?

Because it was my first time of making light soup.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.

How many dementia sufferers does it take to change a light-bulb?

To get to the other side!

(Apologies if re-post. I forgot where I heard this)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

How many of my mother does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh, no. No, no, you go out and have fun, I’ll just sit here in the dark. No, no, it’s fine. It saves on electricity… that way, I can leave more in my will.

Light bulb

Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, “I need a day off, I’m going to pretend I’ve gone mad!”

Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them and shouts, “I’m a light bulb! I’m a light bulb!” While John looks on in amazement.
The foreman shouts, “Pa...

I'm going to install a light bulb

Never done it before - hope I don't screw it up.

A control freak has 5 kids, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb?

There's no point in trying, none of them can change anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They’ll never get it done because they always end up fucking the pool boy while their husbands are at work instead. Fuck you Linda

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

I've been seeing a light bulb sales girl lately...

Her name is Ellie Dee

She really lights up my life

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Q: How many managers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. At least 4, plus a victim. One to hire the victim to screw it in for them, a second to supervise the victim, a third to start nit-picking about the way the bulb is being screwed, and a fourth to screw the victim by firing him. They take the credit though none of them actually touched the light bu...

What did a solar powered bulb say to the Sun on cloudy day?

Notice me Senlight

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

How many Lithuanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, unless their arms got ripped off in some sort of horrifying accident, in which case it still only takes one, just a different one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Freudian psychanalysts do you need to change a light bulb? Two:

One to change the light bulb, and one to hold the penis.

THE LADDER! I meant the ladder.

How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.

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