A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink.

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink. As midnight approached he raised in glass in a toast, "Let's all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living." The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.

2021 meets 2020 in a bar on New Year's Eve.

2021: What are you so happy about? You are done in a couple of hours and I'm taking charge.

2020: (Smirking now) I'm happy because they named you 2020WON.

Where can you find comedians on New Year's Eve?

Waiting for the punchline.

Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, "When Harry Met Sally" at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight...

You'll still be just as single as when you started the movie...

I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year...

not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.

On New Year's Eve, a man arrives at a fancy dress party completely naked

"I'm a turtle" he says

Oh.. Who's on your back?

"That's Michelle" he replies

On New Year's Eve back in 1999, a friend bet me a couple grand that computers were going to stop working

"Why $2k?" I asked.

Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square

...and year after year, they drop the ball

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I'm thinking to watch porn on New Year's Eve

Like only 2 seconds before clock strikes 00:00, I'll start the video.
So after 2 seconds, i can be like "I'm coming 2019"

New Years Eve

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was alm...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A warning to all the drivers now, close to New Year's Eve...

Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to New Year's Eve and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I d...

New York City tried to hold a nice New Year's Eve party.

But they dropped the ball.

Spending New Year's Eve at home in front of TV is pathetic!

So we sit sideways

An old woman called her husband during his drive home on New Year's Eve

"Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car, dear. Thereโ€™s hundreds of them!!!"

If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember

Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too.

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet

New Year's Eve Party

*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*

Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."

Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.



'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Daddy... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinn...

A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve

Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?

Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.

Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?

Boyfriend: 1080p

I always find New Year's Eve stressful.

I've been diagnosed with old langxiety.

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.

\-A dad on New Year's Eve

two superstitious blondes are talking to each other

One of them says: "I heard that this year, the New Year's Eve will be on Friday."
The other replies: "Oh! I hope it won't be 13th!"

Champ, the much-loved pub mascot.

Ted was the landlord of the Nag's Head pub. Every night, the same guys would turn up, have a few pints of beer, share a conversation and the occasional game of darts or dominoes. At 8pm every night, Ted would receive a visit from one of his other regulars - Champ, a stray dog who always came for a b...

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Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The origins of the ornamental angel atop the Christmas tree

It's almost New Year's Eve and Santa is getting ready to get to work and bring presents to everyone that has been good this year. So there he is at home, taking a shower and preparing for the big night. Opening his closet, he sifts through his clothes and finds his favorite red coat and trousers, bu...

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