UPJOKE
new year's daychristmaschampagnedecember 31times squareyeardayholidaymonthaustraliamillenniumkiribatifireworksweekhogmanay

New Year's Eve Jokes

New Year's Eve

It's not even midnight and my Welsh friend just messaged me "Blwyddyn Newydd Dda".

He must be smashed already.

What do Alcoholics call New Year's Eve?

Amateur night!

Can't believe it's finally New Year's Eve

Feels like it took all year for it to get here

New Years Eve

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was alm...

2021 meets 2020 in a bar on New Year's Eve.

2021: What are you so happy about? You are done in a couple of hours and I'm taking charge.

2020: (Smirking now) I'm happy because they named you 2020WON.

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink.

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink. As midnight approached he raised in glass in a toast, "Let's all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living." The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.

On a new year's Eve, in the court...

The judge says: Why are you here?

The person in the accused seat: I got some Christmas gift from the department store across the street.

The Judge looked at the prosecutor, puzzled: That's something good, what's happening here?

Prosecutor: He got the gifts 2 hours before...

I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year...

not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A warning to all the drivers now, close to New Year's Eve...

Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to New Year's Eve and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm thinking to watch porn on New Year's Eve

Like only 2 seconds before clock strikes 00:00, I'll start the video.
So after 2 seconds, i can be like "I'm coming 2019"

On New Year's Eve, a man arrives at a fancy dress party completely naked

"I'm a turtle" he says

Oh.. Who's on your back?

"That's Michelle" he replies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute? Awesome!!!

Irish Prostitute

Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?' ...

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

New Year's Eve Party

*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*

Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."

Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."

New York City tried to hold a nice New Year's Eve party.

But they dropped the ball.

Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square

...and year after year, they drop the ball

Spending New Year's Eve at home in front of TV is pathetic!

So we sit sideways

I'm rich!

A guy walks into a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a glass of champagne. "It's finally happened!" he exclaims. "I've made enough money that I don't have to work for the rest of the year!"

On New Year's Eve back in 1999, a friend bet me a couple grand that computers were going to stop working

"Why $2k?" I asked.

New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong...

He can't enjoy watching the ball drop.

An old woman called her husband during his drive home on New Year's Eve

"Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car, dear. There’s hundreds of them!!!"

If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember

Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too.

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet

Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, "When Harry Met Sally" at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight...

You'll still be just as single as when you started the movie...

A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve

Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?

Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.

Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?

Boyfriend: 1080p

Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.

What is Bill Nye's real name?

William New Year's Eve

Happy New Years!

A guy walks into a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a glass of champagne. "Happy New Years!" he shouts. "Calm down," the bartender reprimands him. "It's still hours away." "Sorry," the guy apologizes. "My doctor told me I sometimes suffer from premature congratulations."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.