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Era Jokes

It cost 2 pence to use the public toilet in England during the Elizabethan Era.

2p or not to pee, that is the question.

My friend asked me if there were famous NSFW parts of historical eras

I said that there weren’t many famous cases, except for the time Robespierre got head from King Louis XVI in front of all of Paris.

The Dirty Harry line wouldn't have worked in the flintlock era

"Did he fire one shot or only zero?"

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Old 1930s depression era joke…

What is the difference between a single man, and a divorced man?


A single man is missing buttons on his shirt.
A divorced man has no shirt.




Another depression era joke:

Church Usher: “things are definitely improving for the congregation.”

Minister: “how...

KGB Joke. Because we don’t have enough Soviet era humor

Natasha is walking down street in Moscow and sees KGB friend Boris walking toward her.

Natasha says, “Is that gun in pocket or are you just happy to see me.”

Shot rings out and Natasha falls dead on street.

Was gun.

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I was carbon-dating a dinosaur the other day, trying to figure out what era it was from

Upon closer inspection, I realised that it didn't have the 3 anuses I was expecting, so I ruled out the Triassic period

In Soviet Era, the local party boss tells people to gather around the main city square and declares: Comrades! Come forth and let us know of your problems and complaints, I'll see to them personally.

Everyone remains silent in fear, but then suddenly Comrade Petrov steps forth and starts complaining: Akh! Comrade we are so miserable! We work so hard in the cold! There's nothing to eat! Our wages are unfair! The medicines don't work when we're ill! Bureaucrats demand bribes to get work done! The ...

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

Soviet era joke from my friend

A man walked into the Kremlin and told the receptionist: "I am a spy, I want to surrender to the Soviet government". The receptionist asked "Alright, what's your nationality?" "I'm American" the man replied. The receptionist checked his booklet and said "American spy, surrendering... Go to room 107....

Russian Tanks

"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "

"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."


Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.

A joke from the Soviet era.

Reagan is visiting the Soviet Union and arrives at the Ukrainian city of Odessa. Expecting a warm welcoming party by the people of the city, he is both shocked and offended that no one is greeting him at the city gates. The embarrassed Soviet officials scramble to find someone to fire the ceremonial...

Stalin was visiting a town (actual joke from Soviet era)

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
...

A Soviet era joke about the value of hard work - Drink vodka, play cards

*This joke was told to me by a former colleague who was Russian, and had lived and worked under the Soviet system. He was a nuclear engineer there... and the only member of his team not sent to Chernobyl to help in the clean up. Anyway, like our hero of this story, I was fresh faced and a little hig...

I called the library and asked if they could tell me when the Mesozoic Era started.

She said, "About 250 million years ago."

I said, "Could you be more specific? It's for homework."

She said, "Hang on a minute."

She came back and said, "It started September 17, two-hundred and fifty-one million years BC."

Did the dinosaur era actually exist?

You bet Jurassic did

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An Irishman walks into an American restaurant during the era of prohibition

He asks the waiter "give me a glass of stout to see how it compares to Guinness back home."
The waiter replies "I apologize but alcoholic beverages are illegal in this country, might I offer you a glass of water?"

The Irishman, having heard that this restaurant has a speakeasy in the back ...

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Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

One is The Taming of the Shrew.

The other is the shaming of the true.

What did they call a Soviet era sniper?

Marxman.

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Russian elementary school assignmen: "please tell us an anecdote that demonstrates the kindness of our great leader Putin"

On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class.

Little Igor goes first : "one day President Putin was walking down the street when he noticed a crying little girl. He asked what was troubling her, and she told him that her cat went up ...

Why do the KGB thugs always walk around in threes?

One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.

Given that we live in an era of equality, it is only fair that for every 100 men drafted for the war...

We shall draft 79 women.

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This was a joke that I was told last year by my tour guide in Berlin about Cold War-era Russia.

Every morning, General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev would go out onto his balcony and stretch. He would look up at the sun, rising in the East and go, “Good morning, Sun. It is a beautiful day outside.”

The sun would reply, “Good morning, General Secretary! Thank you for admiring my work!”
...

Time for a good old Soviet era joke

(should be read in a heavy Russian accent, any grammatical errors are here to enhance the joke)

Old granny working for years already in factory who make Samovar. But old granny only is normal worker not member of nomenclatura so never earn enough money to also buy Samovar herself. Old granny ...

Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.

The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not t...

A Soviet era joke

While General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev is making a speech, a few men in the audience are arrested who turn out to be American spies.

"Brilliant work!" says Brezhnev to a KGB major. "But how did you know they were spies?"

"Well," said the major, "as you yourself have observed, Comrade ...

Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and

Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

"Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi...

Nikolia, Sergei, and Alexander are in a Soviet era Gulag together when Sergei asks

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here...

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Real old soviet era joke, also heard on HBO Chernobyl

What's big as a house, burns 20 liters of fuel every hour, puts out a shitload of smoke and noise and cuts an apple into three pieces?

A Soviet machine made to cut apples into four pieces!

How does an old timey 1930s era gangster threaten a jelly fish?

"You're see, through!"

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A grandfather and his grandchild leaf through the old family album and find a WW2-era photo

The grandchild asks who the uniformed people on the photo are and the grandfather solemnly says: “It’s the Nazis, kid. They were very, very bad men who murdered a great lot of innocent people, they made war and enslaved other people and they were against any freedom. Very, very bad men.”

The ...

It was a golden era when there was no internet

In those days, only your family and friends knew how stupid you are.

I went to a Soviet era Russia restaurant once.

I waited 20 minutes for the food and then the server came and told me, "sorry we don't serve food here."

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At a Soviet-era doctor's office...

A man walks in and says: "Help, I've swallowed a pen!"

Doctor says: "No worries, you can have mine."

Next one comes in and says: "I can't take a piss anymore."

Doctor: "How old are you?"

Patient: "76"

Doctor: "That's around the time you'd run out of piss, yes."
...

There are two eras of modern rap...

Pre Malone and Post Malone

A (Soviet Era) Russian walks into a car dealership....

....and tells the salesman he would like to order a car. The salesman says "okay, your car will be ready in 5 years."

The Russian responds "okay, that's not a problem. Will it be delivered in the morning or the evening?"

The salesman, flabergasted, responds "It's 5 years away, how co...

Why did Soviet-era submarines perform so poorly?

They suffered from deep Russian.

A victorian era joke

**What Is the Difference Between Stabbing a Man and Killing a Hog?**

One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

I propose we divide the music of 2010s into two distinct eras, centered around the release of "White Iverson" in 2015.

We could call it Pre- and Post Malone

Why is lipstick losing market share in the makeup industry?

Because we live in a mask era.

Why should you never wear soviet era pants?

Chernobyl fallout

Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for farting?

They all had a toot-in-common

It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.

They often had to wear mail armor.

What did Arnold say when he decided to dress up as a baroque era composer?

I'll be Bach

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Italy, year VI of the Fascist Era.

A very very poor farmer is desperate. He doesn't have food, money or clothes for his children. He's so desperate that he decides to write a letter to God, asking for 500 lire (Italian money).

So he takes a pen and some paper, writes the request, and encloses it in an envelope. Now he has to ...

A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era

In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amput...

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

Old Soviet Joke

Picked this up from a collection of Soviet-era jokes

\*\*\*

Q: "Why do the secret police patrol in groups of three?"

A: "That way there's always one who can read, and one who can write."

Q: "What about the third?"

A: "Someone's got to keep an eye on the two dangero...

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A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.

It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*

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WWII era Soviet joke

In the middle of Stalin's war council Marshall Zhukov storms out of the room, muttering "The moustached tyrant went utterly batshit" to himself. Head of NKVD Lavrentiy Beria hears him and immediately repeats what he heard to Stalin.

Stalin calls Zhukov back and asks who did he mean.

"...

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Why are Trump-era Americans like flies?

They put their kids in deep shit before they’re even born.

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A joke my dad's friend told me when I was way too young

Going off the dome for this one but it's been burned in my head since I was 8; apologies if it's been told before (couldn't find a direct post). Also, this joke, is uh, from a different era? Apologies again.

There was a woman who found herself recently single after her abusive husband suddenl...

Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."

He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

If I owned a restaurant back in the era of racial segregation, do you know what our motto would be?

"The customer's always white."

House Hunting (1950's era, found in late grandmother's things; typewritten)

A young couple about to be married were looking over a house in the country. After satisfying themselves that it was suitable they started for home. During the return journey the young lady was seemingly absorbed in deep thought, and being asked the reason of her silence, she asked the question: ...

what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation?

A period piece!

A man and women are walking together in Soviet era Russia...

when all of a sudden, the woman feels something wet on her head. She looks up and then turns to the man and says "Honey I think it's snowing". Looking slightly confused, the man replies "No darling, it is obviously raining". The woman does not believe him and they begin to argue.

Trying to a...

We tried to tell the dinosaurs that they were headed for extinction

but it was all in one era and out the other.

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

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On a cold and rainy night

On a cold and rainy night during the era when traveling salesmen still pedaled goods door to door, Gary , a young English wallpaper representative breaks down on an Irish county road .Luckily ,there is a farm house not far from the road .As he is an englishman in Ireland , he cautiously makes his wa...

A joke told by President Putin

A soviet era joke....

An American spy goes to Lubyanka and says:

" I’m a spy and I want to turn myself in."

" Who do you work for?", asks the receptionist.

"America."

"OK, go to room 5."

He goes to room 5 and says:

" I’m an American spy. I want to tu...

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An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy nudes.

I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said dammit Loch Ness monster I ain't...

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

An old romanian joke that my grandfather keeps telling .

During the communist era in Romania the Security (secret police) was like the heart of the country.

They were just beating, and beating and beating.

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

Women's eyes are more noticeable...

because it's the mask era

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Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

What's the most responsible makeup you can apply during the pandemic?

Mask-era.

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The Girlfriend Joke

Now, I need to caveat the beginning of this joke with some information. I'm a solid six-outta-ten, a real average looking guy. Never been too smooth wirth the ladies but whaddaya do, never been lonely neither.
So, one day I come home from work, I live in a little apartment complex, and I see acro...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

Read this one online a while back

An engineer dies and goes to hell. At first, he's reluctant to come to terms with where he is.

The devil sees him, and says" Cheer up, hell isn't so bad. I'll prove it, you can have the best room in the house."

The engineer happily accepts and is led to something that looks like it was...

Your typical rock band

In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoi...

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

My Psychology Professor asked me what Super Power I would like to have...

Apparently "Cold War Era Russia" is not an acceptable answer.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no f...

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With all the toilet paper hoarding, there might not be a worse time in our lifetimes to get food poisoning.

It's such a dire era.

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I recently traveled through time to hook-up with Queen Victoria, the famous nympho-queen of England in the late 1800's.

I was stunned to find out that she wanted me adorned in the latest fashions before we consummated our tri-millenium tryst. She made me wait until I grew large mutton-chop side-burns and a moustache. It took like three weeks. Meanwhile, she had a high fastening and tight fitting frock coat cut to ...

The Sheikh trying to be smart.

Naseeruddin Shah was one of the few courtiers that the Sheikh had for actual advice rather than to please his father's acquaintances.


As such, he tested Naseeruddin a lot when it came to matters of patience and understanding, hoping to know where he put the line between displeasing the H...

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!

***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he repli...

I'm glad we haven't invented the time machine yet

Last thing i'd want is my work getting outsourced to a medieval era person.

What do dj's dip their bread sticks in?

Marin*era-era--*

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One-upmanship

The scene is an era when cockpits had round dials and pilots needed flight engineers and navigators.

A crusty old captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.

The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is fo...

A Max Miller Poem

I like the girls who do, I like the girls who don't, I

like the girls who say they will, And then decide they won't.

But the girls I like the most of all, And I know you'll think I'm right,

Are the girls that say they never will, But look as though they might!


...

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A bit of history

In the Victorian era the rich people drank tea from bone china cups while the poorer classes had to use earthen-ware mugs. Bone china can stand the shock of having boiling water poured directly into it but earthen-ware can't. So the upper classes would pour their teas and then add the milk but the l...

What do you call a party featuring John Adams, Alexander Hamilton and co as guests?

A feds era list party.

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The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)

Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, w...

How come there are no Walmart’s in Iraq?

Because there’s a Target at every corner!

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I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

Medical bills are expensive

but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

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The Peanut Gallery

Somewhere back in the era of grainy black-and-white TV, there was a Saturday kid's show called "Riddle Griddle." It was hosted by Jimmy Valentine, who is now in the Minnesota Broadcasting Hall of Fame.

The show had bleachers where the kids sat, like the "Peanut Galleries" of Mickey Mouse and ...

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