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Times Square Jokes

So I took ma epileptic buddy to Times Square.

He loved it so much, he started dancing on the ground.

Once a man a was shouting at Times square " The president is an Idiot"

"The president is an Idiot" he yelled

You can't defame the president, a cop arrested him
"Hey I didn't say 'our' president, I was talking about China"

Cop replied "Shut up we know exactly which president is an Idiot"

The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

I heard there was a bombing in Times Square.

But it was just Mariah.

How does Times Square start the new year?

By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three tourists are having a drink in an expensive bar in Times Square

They're all astounded by the prices of the drinks.

One of the tourists says, "back in my favorite bar in Liverpool, every time you ordered a beer, you'd get another one on the house!"

The tourist from Ireland says, "that's impressive but back in my favorite pub in Dublin, every time y...

What is the favorite place that mathematicians hang out at?

It's the Times Square

Where do math teachers go to vacation?

Times Square

Which font do the protesters use to paint BLACK LIVES MATTER onto the streets of New York City?

Times Square New Roman.

Two well-dressed senior women are riding the downtown 1 subway line in Manhattan…

When the train pulls into the Times Square station, a man, completely naked except for his socks, boards and sits directly opposite the women and begins to man-splay.

One of the women begins to snicker, which makes her friend very frightened. She gently elbows her friend to get her to stop, l...

We’re in for a really cold New Year’s Day

When they try to drop the ball at Times Square, it will retract up.

What do you get when you multiply a clock by another clock?

Times square

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trumpeter

A trumpeter is hired to play two solos for a movie. After the sessions, he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the public. Three months later, he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times Square at a porno house. ...

Scientists have opened a dimensional rift in one of New York's most popular tourist spots.

They're now calling it Times Squared.

ISIS is taking full responsibility....

...for Mariah Carey's NYE bombing of Times Square.

New Year's Eve Party

*Two guys watching Mariah Carey's Times Square performance*

Guy 1: "Man, 2016 has been such a mess."

Guy 2: "I know right. This year ended on such a low note I can't even hear it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun...

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice,”Could you please take me to Times Square?”

In a thick Brooklyn accent the cab driver initiates conversation,”Hey, sista, that’s kinda a long drive. You mind if we, like, chat?”

The nun says,”Why no, my son, wh...

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