"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?

Really good acid

Bread is like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

Yo Mama so fat

The sun refuses to go down on her

Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?

Dad: No sun

Simba, everything that the sun touches is yours

Except the water, that is owned by nestle

How did the Egyptian Queen seduce the sun god?

She showed him her Nefertitis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked outside to get his newspaper only to find his neighbor hopping off his horse, walking behind him, picking up his tail,and kissing him right where the sun don't shine...

He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed so he decided to walk over and see if his suspicions were correct."Good morning Bill."He says.

"Howdy Frank,what brings you by?"

"Well,I'm not sure I had witnessed what I had just witnessed."

"And what might that be?"

"Well,i...

Hey, dictators! Moving the Earth further from the sun will keep you in power. Why?

Because it will take longer to make one full revolution.

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

I was scared to move to Alaska after I heard that the sun doesn’t shine.

And then, it dawned on me.

Warning!!! Don't look at the sun through a colander.

You'll strain your eyes.

Satan is doing his weekly Hell inspection when he finds a man on fire in a sun chair with a piña colada. He asks him “aren’t you hot?”

No, I’m from Phoenix. It’s rather chilly in here.

Once I stayed up all night tryna find where the sun went

Then it dawned on me.

(Sorry if it looks like a repost I just thought of it and posted it here.)

Why does the sun never sets in the British Empire?

Because even God doesn't trust the English in the dark.

Credits : Shashi Tharoor

There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun

All other vampires pale in comparison

A day without Sun is like

Night

The weatherman said that it could be dangerous being in the sun today

I don’t know how he thinks I’m going to get there.

The review of the sun

One star.

What sort of chicken caught the sun?

Tannedoori.

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

The sun is about to go supernova.

It's gonna be a starburst.

What’s the suns favourite clothes brand?

Kelvin Klein

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Boobs are like the sun

You can only stare at them for a few seconds .

But if you put sunglasses on, you can stare at them all you want.

Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?

He isn’t a mourning person

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift
itself."

Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne is giving a press conference before their voyage to the sun ...

Lloyd: By our calculations we will land on the sun in the middle of winter

Harry: oh and we will make sure it’s nighttime for extra safety

Why didn't the sun go back to school?

Because it already has a million degrees

I couldn’t sleep one night because I was wondering what happened to the sun after dark...

...then it dawned on me.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

I burn really easily in the sun.

*on

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You look, you get a sense of it, and you look away.

AND you can look longer with sunglasses!

One morning, a man sat on his porch wondering why the sun hasn’t risen yet...

But then it dawned on him.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

Be my sun.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?


Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

The sun is singing, the birds are blazing, the trees are shouting...

I think I may have taken the wrong medication.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
 
 
(I'll see myself out.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his beautiful blonde wife liked to sunbath in the nude. On a trip to the Caribbean, the man fell asleep in the hot mid-day sun...

... while his wife was out shopping. Hours later he woke up with a terribly painful sunburn on his privates. The hotel medical attendant recommended applying cold milk to his penis to prevent blistering.

His wife came home to find her husband sitting with his member soaking in a large saucer ...

The Sun looked down at me, smiled and said, “Good morning. Want some light?” I exclaimed, “What a beautiful day! Thanks Sun!" The Sun chuckled, “Here’s some heat as well." Sweating, I groaned, “Wow, it's getting hot now." Menacingly, the Sun roared...

“It’s going to get hot when I expand and destroy your planet in a few billion years!"

I shot back, “Not if we destroy it first!"

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

If it wasn't for the sun and electricity

it would be lights out for everyone

Sometimes I forget which way the sun comes up

Then it dawns on me

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:

"Let's have another round, shall we?"

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

What does the Sun and my girlfriend have in common?

they circle the pole.

What is the Suns favorite beer?

Natural Light

what color is the sun?

I looked at it for a couple of minutes and I think it is black

What is the name of the phenomenon where the Sun is between the Earth and the Moon?

Apocalypse

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boobs are like the sun...

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.

Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt?

Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.

I miss my ex-wife every time I see the sun.

I should probably try to snipe her at night.

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“ North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Trump had been editor of the Sun, "Virginia" would have received a much different answer...

No.

I told my wife I was going down where the sun doesn’t shine and that I wasn’t coming back up until it had a good old spit shine.

Our cellar is long overdue a cleaning, you see.

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