I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

Two white guys, stranded in a desert, with no food or water see a tall majestic building. The scorching sun sure isn’t making their journey easier.

The first guy recognises this structure and says “Hey Bill, this is a mosque!” - to which Bill replies, “John, you think they’ll be hospitable and give us food and shelter”

“I don’t know Bill, but we’re desperate and we need to find a way to survive”

“I have an idea - Let’s change ou...

The sun doesn't need to go to college

because it already has 28 million degrees

One morning, a man sat on his porch wondering why the sun hasn’t risen yet...

But then it dawned on him.

The review of the sun

One star.

I burn really easily in the sun.

*on

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do boobs and the sun have in common?

You can look at them longer if you're wearing sunglasses

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

Bread is like the sun..

it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

I was trying to find out where the sun was..

... then it dawned on me.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You look, you get a sense of it, and you look away.

AND you can look longer with sunglasses!

If it wasn't for the sun and electricity

it would be lights out for everyone

A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift
itself."

Be my sun.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?


Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England.

She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on t...

What did the sun name his son?

Ray

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

How can you tell the sun is a guy?

It rises every morning.

Sometimes I forget which way the sun comes up

Then it dawns on me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and his beautiful blonde wife liked to sunbath in the nude. On a trip to the Caribbean, the man fell asleep in the hot mid-day sun...

... while his wife was out shopping. Hours later he woke up with a terribly painful sunburn on his privates. The hotel medical attendant recommended applying cold milk to his penis to prevent blistering.

His wife came home to find her husband sitting with his member soaking in a large saucer ...

What does the Sun and my girlfriend have in common?

they circle the pole.

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.

I stayed up all night trying to explain to my daughter where the sun goes at night...

Then it dawned on her

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

The sun is singing, the birds are blazing, the trees are shouting...

I think I may have taken the wrong medication.

If Trump had been editor of the Sun, "Virginia" would have received a much different answer...

No.

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:

"Let's have another round, shall we?"

"The sun fell and died last night."

"Is the moon sad?"

"No! It isn't even mourning."

I told my wife I was going down where the sun doesn’t shine and that I wasn’t coming back up until it had a good old spit shine.

Our cellar is long overdue a cleaning, you see.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?

Even God didn't trust the English in the dark.

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
 
 
(I'll see myself out.)

what color is the sun?

I looked at it for a couple of minutes and I think it is black

What kind of song does the sun listen to?

A Neptune.

I was really thirsty so I reached for the Hawaiian Sun to drink

Unfortunately, it was empty. Someone else had beat me to the punch.

What brand of underwear does the sun wear?

Kelvin Klein

When my daughter said she wanted a place in the sun...

I didn't realise she meant page 3.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night, because I wasn’t sure if the sun would come up...

And then it dawned on me.

I miss my ex-wife every time I see the sun.

I should probably try to snipe her at night.

I wondered why I couldn’t see the sun...

...and then it dawned on me.

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kung Fu student asks his teacher

"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated.

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling m...

The sun is totally killing it

... I mean look at him he’s just on fire today

What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?

Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

The Nasa Parker Solar probe will be 4 million miles away from the sun

Due to the high temperatures it will have to operate at night.

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“ North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going ...

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Sun God Helios, feeling lazy, stuck his bare glowing buttocks over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

The vampire thought he had nothing to fear from the sun.

Then it dawned on him.

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Boobs are like the sun...

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.

Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt?

Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.

Found out today that the sun is around 26% helium.

That must be why it’s so light.

Programmer's son asks his father: -Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west?

Father: It works? Don't touch it.

What did the Earth say to the sun?

You’re out of this world

A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the World cup final game Sun 15th July He paid £500 each including flights but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! He is looking for someone to take his place

It's at Sheffield Town Hall at 4pm. Her name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Message me for more details.

How does a sun god like his steaks?

He likes them Ra.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

I woke up this morning and I forgot in which side the sun rises.

Then it dawned on me.