I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

And then it dawned on me.

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

Why didn't the sun go back to school?

Because it already has a million degrees

The sun is about to go supernova.

It's gonna be a starburst.

Why does the sun never sets in the British Empire?

Because even God doesn't trust the English in the dark.

Credits : Shashi Tharoor

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?



Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun

All other vampires pale in comparison

Hey, dictators! Moving the Earth further from the sun will keep you in power. Why?

Because it will take longer to make one full revolution.

Satan is doing his weekly Hell inspection when he finds a man on fire in a sun chair with a piña colada. He asks him “aren’t you hot?”

No, I’m from Phoenix. It’s rather chilly in here.

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

Once I stayed up all night tryna find where the sun went

Then it dawned on me.

(Sorry if it looks like a repost I just thought of it and posted it here.)

The review of the sun

One star.

The weatherman said that it could be dangerous being in the sun today

I don’t know how he thinks I’m going to get there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do boobs and the sun have in common?

You can look at them longer if you're wearing sunglasses

I couldn’t sleep one night because I was wondering what happened to the sun after dark...

...then it dawned on me.

Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?

He isn’t a mourning person

A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift
itself."

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England.

She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on t...

Bread is like the sun..

it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You look, you get a sense of it, and you look away.

AND you can look longer with sunglasses!

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

I burn really easily in the sun.

*on

One morning, a man sat on his porch wondering why the sun hasn’t risen yet...

But then it dawned on him.

What does the Sun and my girlfriend have in common?

they circle the pole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

If it wasn't for the sun and electricity

it would be lights out for everyone

Sometimes I forget which way the sun comes up

Then it dawns on me

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

What did the sun name his son?

Ray

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:

"Let's have another round, shall we?"

The Sun looked down at me, smiled and said, “Good morning. Want some light?” I exclaimed, “What a beautiful day! Thanks Sun!" The Sun chuckled, “Here’s some heat as well." Sweating, I groaned, “Wow, it's getting hot now." Menacingly, the Sun roared...

“It’s going to get hot when I expand and destroy your planet in a few billion years!"

I shot back, “Not if we destroy it first!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
 
 
(I'll see myself out.)

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his beautiful blonde wife liked to sunbath in the nude. On a trip to the Caribbean, the man fell asleep in the hot mid-day sun...

... while his wife was out shopping. Hours later he woke up with a terribly painful sunburn on his privates. The hotel medical attendant recommended applying cold milk to his penis to prevent blistering.

His wife came home to find her husband sitting with his member soaking in a large saucer ...

The sun is singing, the birds are blazing, the trees are shouting...

I think I may have taken the wrong medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you plan on having sex with an Amish chick, do it when the sun is out,

Because they're Mennonite.

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

I told my wife I was going down where the sun doesn’t shine and that I wasn’t coming back up until it had a good old spit shine.

Our cellar is long overdue a cleaning, you see.

what color is the sun?

I looked at it for a couple of minutes and I think it is black

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

"The sun fell and died last night."

"Is the moon sad?"

"No! It isn't even mourning."

What does the sun do?

It makes Keith sweat and Bobby brown

I miss my ex-wife every time I see the sun.

I should probably try to snipe her at night.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

When my daughter said she wanted a place in the sun...

I didn't realise she meant page 3.

I was really thirsty so I reached for the Hawaiian Sun to drink

Unfortunately, it was empty. Someone else had beat me to the punch.

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

What brand of underwear does the sun wear?

Kelvin Klein

What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt?

Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boobs are like the sun...

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.

Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

What kind of song does the sun listen to?

A Neptune.

What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?

Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“ North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going ...

The Nasa Parker Solar probe will be 4 million miles away from the sun

Due to the high temperatures it will have to operate at night.

The sun is totally killing it

... I mean look at him he’s just on fire today

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

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