Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

What sea creature would Hitler be?

Adolf-in.

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…”

Then God said, “You must name the sea animals, too”

Adam was tired already, so he said, “Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They’ve left no tern unstoned

Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures?

Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wi...

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

I went to a sea food disco last night...

I pulled a mussel

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

My wife recently got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh

If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay-gulls!

Did you hear about that diaster that killed all those sea cows?

Oh the hu-manatee!

Two sailors are on deck looking out to sea.

In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.

It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.

One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

But fishing rods, hooks, and bait are so damn expensive.

What does a pirate say when he's urinating in a sea filled with dead men?

R.I.P







Hehehehe im sorry pls don't hurt me

If a horse trots, does a sea horse

Trout?

I saw a man in the sea screaming, 'Help, shark, help!'

I couldn't help but laugh though because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

If single life is hard don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

You just have to weave through all the plastic

A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm

He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "

The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "

" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "

To which the lookout replies "...

My love, you remind me the sea...

Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

So what is it then?

You mak...

Why do sailors eat so many carrots?

It helps them sea better.

A man was out at sea celebrating buying a new Yacht with his girlfriend.

Man (raising a glass of champagne) : To our new "YAKT".

Girlfriend : The 'c' is silent, honey.

Man : (staring out at the horizon) : Yes it's very tranquil, you're right.

Dream

I dreamt of drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night....
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in orange soda. Sadly it was a fanta-sea.

When my grandfather died, we scattered his remains in the sea.

People at the beach started freaking out though, because we didn’t cremate him.

A sailor met a pirate, and they started talking about their adventures at sea.

The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. He asked, “so, how did you end up with the peg leg?”
The pirate replied, “we were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!...

Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.

You're in charge of the ship, but up ahead you see a lighthouse. You know you shouldn't... but...

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

Why did the sea monster eat 6 ships full of potatoes?

Nobody can eat just one potato ship.

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

They’ve just found Sala, the Cardiff city players plane in the sea and when asked how they’re raising it a spokesperson said...

Back of the net!

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a Sea-saw

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level..

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes th...

There was a fire at Sea World.

Over the intercom, everyone was told to calmly make their way to the exits.
Some staff stayed behind to secure the animals and maybe stop the blaze.
The Pool Manager noticed Timmy was at the entrance of the building with the fire.
He saw Timmy was throwing dead seals across the doorway.
...

A man, his wife and his best friends are stuck at sea on a small boat.

The man and his best friend were trying to make the most of a bad situation until the wind picked up again, by sharing a drink. They sang loudly and boysterously. Much to the distress of the man's wife.

Wife: "I've had enough of you drunken fools and your drunken shenanigans, I'm swimming!"...

I hate being a pirate in school.

Everytime I get back my report card, it has seven seas in it...

A Flat-Earther is lost at sea when he sees a boat off in the distance

then it disappears.

Its difficult to say what my wife does

She sells seashells by the sea shore.

How does Santa keep track of the bad sea creatures?

He puts them on the nautilus.

What lives in the sea and preys on innocent mermaids?

Jack The Kipper

Moses and Jesus are in a rowboat on the Red sea talking about the "good ole days".

Moses says "I wonder if I still got it?". He stands up, raises his hands to the sky and, WHOOSH! The sea parts. He lowers his hands, sits down and the water crashes down and returns to a calm. Jesus says "oh yeah? Watch this!". He kicks off his sandals stands up and leaps over the side of the boa...

What do you call a restaurant at the bottom of the sea?

A Scuba Diner

My local butcher switched to using sea birds in his sausage.

It was a tern for the wurst.

Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus...

...who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their row boat.

After a while Mick says, 'Do...

What is the power to move sea birds with your mind called?

Pelicanesis

Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she grew out of her B-shells.

What is the cheesiest fish in the sea?

The baragouda. The fruitiest one is the bananatee.

What is a sea lion's favorite classroom subject?

ART! ART! ART!

I’m addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the sea?

Bob.

A russian and an american are in the baltic sea arguing about which one has better submarines

Russian: "Our submarines are the absolute top, you never find them and they can be submerged for weeks."

American: "Our subs can patrol all seas without any blind spots continously without you noticing and they can stay underwater for months."

Suddenly a german submarine that's worn-ou...

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a Nazi sea mammal?

Adolfin Flipper

What’s the opposite of Sea World?

The ocean.

What do you call a friendly immobile sea creature that offers you food and lodging?

An amenable anemone with amenities.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the wettest animal in the sea?

The octopussy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard about the new right wing extremist card game that must be played at sea?

It's called Nazi yacht yahtzee.

What do a man who lives in a watch tower by the sea and a 85 lbs hotel maid have in common?

They’re both light house keepers.

How did the hippie get lost at sea?

He was too far out man.

The Queen tried to have the ocean arrested...

"Sea's him!"

A rabbi was lost at sea when he saw an island in the distance.

The rabbi swims to the island and climbs up onto the beach when he sees a small, round creature roll down the hill. Then another, and another. He goes over and asks one “Who are you?” The creature responds “We’re Trids! We just go up the hill,” as they point to a hill in the distance, “and a giant k...

Did you know that Iceland...

...is only one sea away from Ireland?

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

Shoutout to the ex-mobster who, through witness protection, was relocated in a house under the sea.

Rest easy, you’re sleeping with the fishes now.

I always hear about how scary deep sea fish are...

But just think of all the pressure they're under!

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal?

Do not accept if seal is broken.