UPJOKE
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I think Saturn's name is the best in our solar system

It has a nice ring to it

Aliens refuse to visit Earth because they've looked up our solar system...

and it has a 1-star rating.

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If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

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Uranus is the coldest place in the solar system

So it’s safe to say the sun don’t shine there.

What’s the solar system’s favorite type of egg scramble?

Sunny-Side up…

I couldn’t resist

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

Why don’t aliens visit our Solar System?

They read the reviews – just one star.

Why didn't the astronaut go on holiday to the binary solar system?

It was two sunny.

There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you

Second place is just a constellation prize

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

How does our solar system keep its pants up?

With an asteriod belt.

I asked my German friend how many planets in our Solar System

Surprisingly he said "Nine"

An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter. When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:

"Gastronomical."

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?

I googled it and found the reason...

It's rated only '1 star' out there.

What's a vegan's favorite non-terrestrial moon in the solar system?

En-salad-us

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My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago

he didn’t explain why he gave it a one star tho

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What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

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Saturn and Neptune are the butt cheeks of the solar system

Uranus is between them

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Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet? (Please read post)

Because this god damn joke is reposted every fucking hour.

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Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system

after I destroyed Uranus.

On day four of Creation, God was busy putting up all the celestial bodies.

He made the fertile Earth, and its moon, and went around conjuring up all the different planets of the solar system. He made Saturn and looked upon it. As he examined it, he was taken aback. He realized that it was very, very good.

He decided he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

When our solar system was formed, the Sun was in charge...

So the planets started a revolution.

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a tall building and has a seat on an empty stool next to a guy with glasses. Our guy orders a beer, looks to his barstool neighbor and makes eye contact, lifts his pint in a silent toast, and enjoys a healthy swig.

"You know," interrupts the guy with...

I think our solar system is highly underrated ...

... Seriously, just one star? Duh.

The Test

After about 1.8 trillion times a planet circled their star, the life-forms that evolved there launched a small craft with an artificial likeness of themselves into orbit. It was done to show that they could and because it amused them. Years later, after they made their planet uninhabitable, they lef...

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The terrible 2nd place prize

A girl enters a game show that allows her to win a trip to space and visit the cosmos at the furthest regions of our solar system. The girl must compete in games related to space and physics to determine if she’s got what it takes to go.

After hours of grueling physical and emotional trauma t...

An Idiot and a Genius are talking in a bar...

The genius says to idiot:

"I have a game. We take turns giving each other questions. If I give you a question and you cannot answer it, you give me $5. But if you give me a question and I cannot answer it, I give you $5000".

The idiot replies:

"Uhh, Ok."

The genius says t...

Ganymede left Jupiter and flew out of the solar system last week

I saw it today in the orbituaries.

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Smart son

An illiterate father and his educated son who has a degree in Astrology went on a camping trip. They set up their tent and fell asleep. A few hours later the father wakes his son and asks:
"look to the sky and tell me what do you see son?"

s: "I see millions of stars."

f: "What does...

If trump was notified of an alien invasion.

“There’s an alien spacecraft but it’s not on course to earth.”

“Our specialists, they’re very special people, have concluded that this is just an alien spaceship making a simple flyby our solar system”

“The alien ship is getting close to our american soil but there is nothing to worry ...

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

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The real joke

A man was abducted one night by aliens. After the new broke out, US authorities began to contact the aliens using a breakthrough technology. The whole world had eyes on the US government to save the man. After much discussion between the two races, the US government actually pissed off the aliens th...

So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...

...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the rednecks of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?

Saturn

Undefeated Solar system Hula Hoop champ!

An old man is on his deathbed...

... and calls his grandson over.



"Johnny, my boy. I want you to know that long ago I buried a fortune."



"Where, grandpa, where?"



"In the earth, 4 feet deep..."



"Grandpa, please be more precise!"



"The Earth. The third planet i...

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 yea...

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