Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.

God answers “of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue”.

Adam is excited and asks “that sounds perfect, what will it cost me”

“An arm and a leg”

“….what can I get for a rib?”

Life has 3 levels of existence...

Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.

The Pope discussing the existence of god with an out and out atheist

As the discussion goes on it gets more and more heated and at one point the annoyed Pope hollers -

"You are like a man who is totally blindfolded in a dark room looking for a black cat that is not there"

And the fella said,
"With all respect, Your Holiness, I think there is a great...

Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...

"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.

What decade did people start denying the existence of a god?

The nineteen-atheist

Long ago in days of yore townsfolk spoke of the existence of sleeping quarters which stacked one on top of the other

The existence of such a phenomenon has since been debunked

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.

The bartender says, "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse says, "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy, "I think, therefore I am."

But ...

God, Atheist, and the Bear.

An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in towards the man. The atheist screams in terror, " Oh God, help me!! "

Suddenly, everything - the bear, the trees, the birds, everything but th...

Did you hear about the existential crisis at Sea World?

Given all the pressure they're under to release their animals, they're fearful of a porpoise-less existence...

I'll see myself out.

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what do the fact of my existence and a medication pill have in common?

both are bitter as fuck and you can't swallow them without drinking

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

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The existence of Bicycles

Implies the existence of Homocycles and Heterocycles

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven.

He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?”

“Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?”

“Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve ...

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The fastest thing in existence.

Three friends, sitting around a table, enjoying a little time together over a couple of drinks.

At some point, one says:

"The fastest thing there is? Thought. Only takes a moment and there it is: an idea.''

"Nope. Electricity is the fastest thing there is; a flick of a switch a...

My existence

No litterally my dad said I was an accident :c

A racist, a misandrist and a misanthropist kills Thanos

The racist, Tyrone, says: "I need it - so I can remove all the asian people. I really don't like them".

The misandrist, Evelyn, says: "No I need it more - so I can remove all men from existence!"

"Don't be silly! If you remove all the men, women will die out too!" Tyrone shout...

A guy stops at a little cake shop ran by an elderly couple.

He asks for a cup of coffee. The old man who was working the counter turns to the kitchen and says "Sweetie! A cup of coffee to this gentleman please!"

The man found that rather cute and, deciding he could use some cake with his coffee decided to order a slice. The elderly man turned to the k...

The big questions

What are the big questions a philosopher, scientist and liberal arts grad seek to answer?

The Philosopher: “What is the meaning of existence?”

The Scientist: “Why are things the way they are?”

The Liberal Arts Grad: “Would you like some fries with that?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The existence of casual sex infers the existence of competitive sex, and since none of you have competed

You're all fucking casuals

There is more evidence of my existence than of any of the gods.

Yet nobody believes in me.

My friend did not believe in the existence of trousers for monkeys.

I looked them up on the internet and told him,

"Chimp pants, see?"

Every vacuum cleaner in existence is an antique.

Because all they do is collect dust.

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

The rich elite have been accused of hiding the existence of a breakthrough drug for eternal youth.

Its been dubbed the "the secret agen't"

Two guys are talking when one says, “Hey I finally finished that book I was writing about the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.”

And the other guy says to him, “It’s about time.”

Schrödinger's cat

There once was a cat in a pickle

Whose life was not worth a nickle

From an electron gun shot

It both was and was not

It's very existence is fickle

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands...

There is no cure...

Why is it when people demand proof of God’s existence. You have to have faith, is an acceptable religious defense?

But when people demand proof that God told me to kill those kids. You have to have faith, isn’t an acceptable legal defense?

I’m sick of double standards.

Have cryptozoologists ever proven the existence of a mythical creature?

Not yeti.

When Thanos snapped half of all life out of existence

I noticed, that no plants nor animals vanished.
Guess what he really meant was: Intelligent life.

I'm so glad my family is save.

When matter gets chilled it's often slows down to a stop

Does this imply the existence of a super chilled out version of my dad that doesn't beat me?

My wife has been treating me like a god lately...

Ignoring my existence, unless she needs something from me

I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...

There's literally zero proof.

What's the most bitter tea in existence?

Reality
*cries in the corner*

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