Existence Jokes

"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.

Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.

The scientist said “modern science is a flashlight illuminating through the darkness of our realities. The more we know the more questions arise. We know nothing, yet we know more now than ever before.”
When the Buddhist was asked the same question on the nature of existence she answered, “Yeah t... read more

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres... read more

Then somebody told me about silverware.

Reality
*cries in the corner*

The question was: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First... read more

No litterally my dad said I was an accident :c

There is no cure...

The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at ... read more

(Read in Mr. Connery's voice)
Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me.
I had only myshelf to blame.

God answers “of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue”.

Adam is excited and asks “that sounds perfect, what will it cost me”

“An arm and a leg”

“….what can I get for a rib?”

She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

The nineteen-atheist

Then I realized that's just a catapult.

It thinks women are objects

Because all they do is collect dust.

They ignore my existence unless they need something

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi... read more

I noticed, that no plants nor animals vanished.
Guess what he really meant was: Intelligent life.

I'm so glad my family is save.

Not yeti.

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu... read more

I looked them up on the internet and told him,

"Chimp pants, see?"

They're both dull and pointless.

There's literally zero proof.

It's backbreaking work

Yet nobody believes in me.

Bro, that would be dope.

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eterni... read more

But I know that would be Thoreauing away my life.

Its been dubbed the "the secret agen't"

Eggnog-stic.

But when people demand proof that God told me to kill those kids. You have to have faith, isn’t an acceptable legal defense?

I’m sick of double standards.

It's a ***karma***\-seeking post.

Apparently it's a real lunatic