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Environment Jokes

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
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What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.
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What do you call a toxic work environment?

A staff infection
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My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment?

I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."
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Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment.

The conversation got rocky.
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I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.

I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
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If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?
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What do call it when your child teaches you something about the environment?

Instant Greta-fication.
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I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment." I said, "Sure, there's that..."

"But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."
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Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment.

Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.
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Trying to do my bit for the environment

..so I asked my work mates if they wanted me to pick them up.


Sure enough, I picked up two of the work mates in my car and off we went one morning to work.
Roadworks caused us to divert our journey. We had to take the highway.
Barry starts sweating..
I ask "What's wrong Barry!?"....
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Why is r/jokes the most environment-friendly sub?

Because we recycle 100%
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I've just done my part to help the environment.

I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.
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r/jokes is the most environment-friendly sub on Reddit

It is made of 97% recycled material.
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Why do artists hate working in really cold environments?

Because all they get is exposure.
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What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat
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"It baffles me, that bacteria can thrive, even when being turned into cheese. It seems like a such a hostile environment! Then again...

"Life finds a whey."
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Smoking is good for the environment

Because it kills humans
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Environment Friendly Joke

*What do you do with 365 used condoms?*
Re-cycle them into a tyre and call it a Good Year.
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I am very concerned about the environment

One look and I can tell those trees are up to something.
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What do you call a Gnome who lives in urban environments?

A Metro Gnome
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Environment my ass

A small ATM room having two ACs and 4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment..

Why is this joke bad for the environment?

Because it wasn't recycled.
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I have an unstable internal environment

No homeo
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Husband and wife…………..

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery....
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I'm taking a college course on the Environment and i'm dyslexic

Precipitation is 50% of the class!
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A chameleon came into a new environment.

He thought to himself, 'Colour me intrigued'.
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My university is so concerned about the environment..

They've been recycling past papers since 87'.
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I need to file a complaint about a hostile work environment

The elevator keeps telling me I’m going down.
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Interviewer: What are your thoughts about nepotism in a workplace environment?

Candidate: Well, that’s a really good question, Dad.
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Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?

Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.
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My teacher wanted me to come up with a set of steps that we could use to save the environment...

So I created an Al Gore-ithm.
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Why are horses such high performers?

... because they are brought up in stable environments!

Credit: my wife!
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Top Reddit posters should use their karma to help the environment.

They are already experts at recycling.
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A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.

The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.

The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.

The teach...

Two generations from now your grandkids might scrutinize this era and ask "really, grandpa? you really did that to the environment? Didn't you even recycle anything, come on???

Then with a grim expression on your face you scowl

"Fool, I was on reddit! I recycled everything at least 3000 times"
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Australia just banned all plastic bags, yay for the environment

Oh shit I thought this was r/recycling

/r/jokes is the most environment friendly sub-reddit around

With all the reusing and recycling of old jokes going around.
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Since I like helping the environment and recycling/reusing things I searched for a place with like-minded people.

After a few days I finally found where they reuse and recycle almost everything: r/Jokes
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Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.
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[OC] Al Gore decides to write a series of educational songs about the environment.

He presents the head of the production company with the lyrics for his songs, including the lyrics for one song about animals in forest habitats, which has over 500 lines.

The head of the production company says, "wait, this song is way too long! This isn't a very efficient way of conveying y...
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Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year?

He got coal for Christmas.
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A very cold winter indeed!

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ...
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A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.

The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3.

"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he...
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Given how much damage Trump is doing to the environment...

his secret service code name is officially "Agent Orange".
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You guys was right about Donald Trump harming the environment

He's already making snowflakes melt!
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How is Bill Cosby like an environment at 0 Kelvin?

When around both, one eventually stops moving.

Forgive me.
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The code-genie

A programmer finds a genie on the darkweb, and the genie messages him: "YOU GET THREE WISHES." So the programmer excitedly immediately wishes to be a billionaire. The genie messages back: "Hold on there pally it's not that easy. You gotta get me out of the darkweb first and into a LAMP."
...
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I had to quit my job helping foreign tourists with a place to sleep while they were traveling.

It was a Hostel work environment.
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Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment.

Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.
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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
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I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit

It was a toxic environment
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A young witch decided to join some of her peers out in the bogs of Scotland.

Unfortunately, she found difficultly fitting in with the group and ultimately couldn't handle living in that kind of environment. This did not surprise the elders of the group much. Indeed, as they were fond of saying:

If you can't stand the peat, get out of the coven.
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There used to be a school for assassins in New York

It was actually the place where John Wick was trained.

The school would take in orphans and abandoned children and train them, from a young age, to be merciless killers.

As one might imagine, it was a very harsh environment for anyone to grow up, in fact the only real love and affectio...
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I was a desk clerk at a low cost hotel for young people but I had to quit.

It was a “hostel work environment.”
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Two thousand years ago, childbirth was fraught with danger.

Thankfully Jesus was born ….in a stable environment.
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It’s not a good idea to have a horse as a pet if you live in a city.

They need to grow up ..in a stable environment.
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I came up with a science joke...

Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?

They have a big carbon footprint...
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A man buys a centipede from a pet store

he takes it home and sets it up in its aquarium, and lets it get settled in for a while. After a few hours the guy gets bored and goes up to the centipede and asks, "hey, centipede, you wanna go out and get a drink? check out the ladies? you know, just hang out?" But the centipede doesn't say anythi...
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When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...
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Naked and Afraid is a fun show because you get to watch the participants removed from their comfort zones and they try and get something edible within the allotted time in order to survive a harsh environment that will punish them for every failure.

Incidentally, that is also why I watch Chopped.

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I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has...

I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.

He replied that he was currently working on:

\*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment\*

I was impressed......

On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
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I had to leave my job at the ceramics factory when they introduced the new equestrian range.

It was turning into a horse tile work environment.
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5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar.

Immediately, a Karen rushes up to them and starts yelling at them to get out.

"What are you doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for two minutes!"

"Well," the Karen retorts. "I've heard that 5G's are bad for the environment!"
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What's the difference between an IRS agent and Styrofoam?

The IRS agent doesn't hurt the the environment when you light him on fire.
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A Large Company celebrates Green Day but it all goes wrong

"Here at Company Corp, Green Day is very important to us! Now who can tell us the values of Green Day?"



"It's about supporting the environment-"

"Money."



"Yes, that's correct! And now you win your fabulous prize! A regular amount of sick leave!"

"Will you...
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A young married woman and an older married woman sitting together on a train from Boston to New York.

As sometimes happens with strangers in such an environment, they began to discuss highly personal matters.

As they were passing through Hartford, the younger woman spoke up thoughtfully, “Tell me, do you and your husband have mutual orgasms?”

“No,” replied the older lady, “I think we h...

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat
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A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...
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An engineer has trouble dating and seeks advice from his friend:

Friend: Just go to a bar and meet girls, its a no pressure environment.

Engineer: I don't know, one bar seems like way too much pressure for me. Can I go to a pascal instead?
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I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.
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I cannot get on board with colonizing Venus

I don't work well under pressure and I don't like toxic work environments.
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Yesterday I called my engineer friend and asked him what he was up to

He said, “I’m working on a hydrothermic treatment of porcelain, glass and metals in an environment under controlled pressure.”

His response impressed me but I had no idea what he was talking about and so I asked him to elaborate.

He answered, “I’m doing the dishes and my wife is super...
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The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
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I finally figured out where that "programmers live in basements" myth comes from!

It's because they prefer to work in a non-Windows environment.

When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends

"Progressive problem solving skills in an increasingly difficult work environment, with ever increasing productivity goals, only for the company to downsize and lay you off because 'it wasn't you, it was me' reasons."
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Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals

Due to their stable environment
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There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.
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A man suddenly started feeling horrible and was sent to the hospital.

The next day, the doctor had a talk with the man's wife.

He said, "Your husband has been suffering from serious stress. If immediate action is not taken, he could die in a very short time."

The woman said, "What type of immediate action?"

The doctor said, "You must provide a str...
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I was in front of a grocery story, some guy came up to me.

He said "Hey, do you have a moment to help save the environment?" I said "Absolutely." So he gave me a pamphlet, I recycled it right away.
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Wind Turbines

We all know wind turbines are good for the environment, but what if we designed a bine that could be used all four seasons?
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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...

I was thinking about adopting a rare turtle today…

Ever since the oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico the turtles have been different. Apparently some of the dish soap used to clean the animals leaked into the ocean and the turtles drank it. It doesn’t harm the turtles, but they have the weird ability to pee out the dish soap.

Anyway the turtle...
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I called my friend yesterday

I called my friend yesterday night at 10.30 pm on phone, he said he was very busy, working on a special Project "Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium and Steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed.

Later I realized - fucker is washing dishes , under the supervisi...

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.
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Microsoft hires regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation.

It's a very PC work environment.

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One in four men switches the light off during sex.

Ugly women are saving the environment.

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...
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What's the difference between a Canadian oil mogul and an American one?

The Canadian will apologize for destroying the environment.
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My mother didn't want me to go to culinary school.

She said it would be a high whisk environment.
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The workers at the inn aren't very friendly...

they create a hostel environment.
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I saw a homeless man picking unfinished cigarettes up off the floor.

It's good that he's doing his bit for the environment.
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What do Aquaman and money market investors have in common?

They prefer liquid environments.
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What is an engineer's first job out of highschool?

Aquathermic treatment of ceramics aluminum and steel in a controlled environment.

Or to put it in lamer's terms: washing dishes while his boss is watching.
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Jim, tired of bustling city life, moves to a remote town in Alaska.

He loves the natural environment, exploring and fishing, and the quiet tranquility of his new home.

However, one thing he notices, to his dismay, is that there are no women in his new town.

He goes to the local bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender about the conspicuous lack ...

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Have you heard that Trump and Melania haven't been doing it lately?

He's too tired from fucking the environment

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Two women are talking

The first one says "I will always vaccinate my children so they won't get diseases." The second one says "I will never vaccinate my children, it could be harmful to them" then the first lady yells " Are you fucking delusional" the second lady answers with "that's why I take them to the doctor where ...

A friend calls his engineer friend

A friend calls his engineer friend. What are you doing? He asks. The engineer answers "I'm in the middle of the project hydro thermal behavior of porcelain glass and metals under a controlled high-pressured environment". I am not sure I understand, can you explain it in plain language?. And the engi...
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I ran into a complete stranger at my mom's annual New Years party.

I had never seen him before, so I asked him how he knew my mom. He said he had met her earlier in the day. Apparently, my mom was worried that the overall environment of the party wouldn't be as cool as she had hoped for, so she hired a professional to gauge the room.

I was absolutely disgus...
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Winter Is Coming

The Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.


Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter wa...

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What most job descriptions really mean:

"the ability to learn new things" - you'll need this ability to learn how to pull salary for two months, how to make food economy, etc.

"young team" - we can not afford than students ;

"young and dynamic environment" - we change students each year;

"with the desire for self-impr...

Why is there no gang violence on the space station?

Because it is a zero G environment.
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