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Personality Jokes

My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder

But that's impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

“Ah,” he said, “That’s my altar ego.”

"I have a split personality."

...said Tom, being frank.
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What's Jesus' Myers-Briggs personality type?

INRI

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

You can relax a person with a type-A personality by removing their type-P traits...

I'm telling you, remove the P-ness from their A-ness and they calm right down

A woman is amazed by pastor who lives next door and how quickly he changes his personality.

Around the neighborhood, he is incredibly shy, quiet, and timid. As soon as he begins to preach, he becomes loud, boisterous, and is able to entertain the congregation with his sermons.



“I’m not sure how you go from one personality to the next,” the woman tells the pastor over coffee....

I used to have a split personality

But I don't anymore, and neither do I

I don't like people who make "I didn't sleep last night" their entire personality

They are tiring to be around

I went to a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

Scientists have demonstrated that nerves spread throughout the body are related to human personality.

For example, if a subjects arms are removed, that subject becomes much less likely to volunteer for science tests.

When suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, what's the key difference between being neurotic and being psychotic?

Being neurotic is bad for you, being psychotic is bad for everyone else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was asked if I prefer breasts or thighs. I told 'em I always go for the personality.

The butcher was confused.

My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder.

At least, I think that’s what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.

Some people think I have a split personality.

To them I say: "No, he doesn't."

I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

They’ve assured me it’s me who needs the group and I’m getting enrolled next week. I’m so grateful for their help

Always love a women for her personality

They have like 10, so you can choose.

Hey, does anybody remember that famous multi-personality patient who was the subject of the book Sybil that came out in the '70s? well, I went to high school with her!

A lot of the other kids kind of avoided her, but I thought she was good people.

What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant?

An auditor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychiatrist was testing a patient’s personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, “What does this remind you of?”

The patient answered, “Sex.”

The shrink drew a square and asked again, “What does this remind you of?”

“Sex,” the patient replied.

Then the doctor drew a triangle.

“It reminds me of sex,” the patient stated. ...

It's so hard to find someone to date with a personality.

They always have at least two... And one of their personalities always hates you.

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality

It’s so full of itself

I do not have dissociative personality disorder

I don't.

i have a girlfriend, that have a great personality

she always forgive me when she was wrong

nah just kidding, the joke is in the first half of the title

What's the most important personality trait for a mathematician?

Accountability.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off.

"You're self-employed you stupid bastard," I said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everywhere I go men say they want a girl with personality...

Well that was a fucking lie because I have multiple and they still leave me

A wife comes home one day and tells her husband she has been diagnosed as suffering from split personality syndrome.

“I thought you were just role playing”, replied the husband.

“No, but my psychologist has given me two options, live with it or lose one of the personalities” she says. “What do you think I should do”?

The husband thinks for a moment, “remind me dear, which one likes it in the ass”?

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