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Personality Jokes

My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder

But that's impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.

I used to have a split personality

But I don't anymore, and neither do I

"I have a split personality."

...said Tom, being frank.

What's Jesus' Myers-Briggs personality type?

INRI

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit.

At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
"Ah," he said, "...

You can relax a person with a type-A personality by removing their type-P traits...

I'm telling you, remove the P-ness from their A-ness and they calm right down

My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder.

At least, I think that’s what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.

Always love a women for her personality

They have like 10, so you can choose.

A woman is amazed by pastor who lives next door and how quickly he changes his personality.

Around the neighborhood, he is incredibly shy, quiet, and timid. As soon as he begins to preach, he becomes loud, boisterous, and is able to entertain the congregation with his sermons.



“I’m not sure how you go from one personality to the next,” the woman tells the pastor over coffee....

Some people think I have a split personality.

To them I say: "No, he doesn't."

I don't like people who make "I didn't sleep last night" their entire personality

They are tiring to be around

I do not have dissociative personality disorder

I don't.

The day he finally came to know his real personality

Was the day when he put his iPhone in his rear pocket and the face ID unlocked the mobile.

What's the most important personality trait for a mathematician?

Accountability.

Just found out I have multiple personality disorder

I gotta tell the other guys

Scientists have demonstrated that nerves spread throughout the body are related to human personality.

For example, if a subjects arms are removed, that subject becomes much less likely to volunteer for science tests.

I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

They’ve assured me it’s me who needs the group and I’m getting enrolled next week. I’m so grateful for their help

The police came to my front door tonight holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Yes."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

i have a girlfriend, that have a great personality

she always forgive me when she was wrong

nah just kidding, the joke is in the first half of the title

What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant?

An auditor

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality

It’s so full of itself

I went to a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

Seriously, she has Multiple Personality Disorder?

Yeah, crazy right. Sharon is Karen.

A man answers his door to find a somber-looking police officer standing on his porch. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, sir,” the officer says, “but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus.”

The man replies, “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was asked if I prefer breasts or thighs. I told 'em I always go for the personality.

The butcher was confused.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychiatrist was testing a patient’s personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, “What does this remind you of?”

The patient answered, “Sex.”

The shrink drew a square and asked again, “What does this remind you of?”

“Sex,” the patient replied.

Then the doctor drew a triangle.

“It reminds me of sex,” the patient stated. ...

A man experiencing a split personality went to the psychiatrist. One personality swore he was a teepee and the other swore he was a wigwam.

The psychiatrist replied, "You're just too tense"

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