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Today, my therapist told me that I might have Multiple Personality Disorder.

I said, “Doctor, you must be talking to the wrong guy.”

A woman is amazed by pastor who lives next door and how quickly he changes his personality.

Around the neighborhood, he is incredibly shy, quiet, and timid. As soon as he begins to preach, he becomes loud, boisterous, and is able to entertain the congregation with his sermons.

“I’m not sure how you go from one personality to the next,” the woman tells the pastor over coffee....

I do not have dissociative personality disorder

I don't.

People keep telling me that I have split-personality disorder.

But that’s just me being frank with you all.

My doctor said I have multiple personality disorder

But we don't think so

Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy.

But, I've always been more of a people person.

"You have split personality!"

"No, I don't have, the other guy has!"

People say I have an obsessive personality...

But after thousands of hours of research spanning several decades, I found no conclusive evidence this is true.

TIL That procrastination stems from 2 basic personality traits

I'll post the link in a minute.

If you are looking for a friend with personality message me

I have many.

My roommate is spreading rumours that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder.

Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.

I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!

Edit: Don't believe this guy! He sucks at telling jokes.

Edit: Shut up Jeff!

Edit: No, you shut up Karen!

Edit: you guys are impossible to ...

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Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.

For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt.

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My therapist told me I have an addictive personality

I said, “Tell me more”

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A girl told me that my big personality is all that matters to her.

So I named it Penis.

My face is a 2 and my personality is a 8

so basically i’m a 10

My friends say that my personality is layered, like an Onion...

As you pull the layers back, you continue to find the same thing and start crying.

I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...

I was Nun the Wiser.

If a girl has red hair, it makes up for other personality flaws

I call it the “Red Head Redemption”

"I have a split personality."

...said Tom, being frank.

I was diagnosed with Narcissictic Personality Disorder...

....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.

What did the online personality say to the doctor after running some tests?

Is this going to be viral?

Always love a women for her personality

They have like 10, so you can choose.

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You know how dogs take on the personality of their owners?

Your dog is a dick.

Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck

Man: Yeah, but she's got a great personality

Who is the most controversial tv personality of all time?

Not sure, but I wouldn't sleep on Bill Cosby.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder...

And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him

My analyst told me that I've got multiple personality disorder.

I replied "Don't be ridiculous. I haven't got multiple personality disorder - and neither have I."

Hey, I’m Ethan and I have multiple personality disorder

-don’t listen to him that’s nonsense

I'd make a great on-air personality

If I could channel myself.

Hey girl, are you looking for someone with a nice personality?

You are in luck! I’ve got multiple.

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A girl I dated from my local opticians text me saying I've got a split personality.

Wait, no. It says "shit".

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What I find most sexy in a girl is her personality

Girl: Oh good, cus I have several of those!

Guy: Uh... what?

Girl: _Shh!_ don't _listen_ to _her!_

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If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

After many years as an accountant, I was asked to take a personality test.

The results came back negative.

Why is there no clear distinction concerning the morality of altering one's personality through brain surgery?

Because, it's a bit of a grey matter!

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My daughter has a split personality.

She's a "sweetheart" to my wife but a little shit to me.

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality

I don't know what that means, but must be pretty good if I've got it.

I don't suffer from split-personality...

...and neither do I

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

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After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off.

"You're self-employed you stupid bastard," I said.

A man with multiple-personality disorder walked into a bar.

No he didn't.

The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...

"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

What's SpongeBob's worst personality trait?

He's way too self-absorbent

People ask me "Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent, and have an amazing personality".

My response: "I'm overqualified".

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Multiple Personality Disorder

A girl I met claimed to have multiple personalities. “Is that OK with you?” she asked.

“Quack quack quack!” I responded, then added “Apologies, my other personality is a duck. He doesn’t talk much, good listener though.”

“That’s so interesting!” she replied. “So how do you understand e...

The roulette dealer had a unique personality.

He had a different spin on everything.

What do you call a bird who wants to have a different personality?

An alter eagle!

What do you call a homeless horse with a Borderline Personality Disorder ?


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Someone once told me my best features were my smile and personality

If I don't have a mouth I'm fucked

You can tell a lot about a person's personality by the type of car they drive.

I haven't got one.

What does a suicidal multiple personality say every morning?

If I don't kill myself soon, I will!

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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?

Because Sharon is Karen.

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Multiple personality disorder has made my sex life hard...

I want to masturbate , but I'm not into orgies.

They say the music you listen too is tied to your personality;I listen to Chris Brown.

Two counts of assault and one hit and run.

I have a Taiwanese friend who is is incredibly rude and bossy

He has a strong Taipei personality

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

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