Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and says:

SH: "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."

JW: "I see millions and millions of stars."

SH: "And...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes." replies Watson.

"And what do yo...

How does the nasa organize a party?

They planet.

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why are men the best looking on the planet?

you can't spell ´sexy´ without XY

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A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

What did Earth tell the other planets in the Solar System?

GET A LIFE!!!!

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

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So a Cruise Ship Sinks...

So a cruise ship sinks in the middle of the pacific and three guys find themselves stranded on a desert island after being adrift in a life raft for a week.

After being on the island for a couple days a plane flies overhead and sees their SOS on the beach. With their supplies almost exhauste...

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

Why didn't Pluto organise his birthday party?

He couldn't planet.

Two aliens are talking to each other in space.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go on a camping trip

They set out In the afternoon and arrive at their location a few hours before dark. They set up their tent and camp fire before going to bed.

In the middle of the night Sherlock Holmes wakes up Watson and says,
"Look up Watson, what do you see?"
Watson looks up at the sky, it's a beaut...

If everything like planes and ships go missing in the Bermuda triangle

We should throw all our trash and plastic in there to save the planet.

How do you organise a war between Earth and Mars?

Planet.

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I heard pornhub plant a tree for every 100 videos watched

I guess I’m gonna “single handedly” save the planet then

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

What is the difference between Greta Thunberg and Madeleine McCan?

We know where Greta Thunberg stands on the planet

FREE Halloween costume idea:

Set yourself on fire and go as the planet.

“Hey man do you want to watch Planet of the Apes?”

“Seen it.”



“Ok how about *The Shining*?”




“Watched it.”




“Ok how about *Reposts*?”





“Reddit.”

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A friend told me this, and he might have got it from reddit so this might be a repost but here it goes [Long]

3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.

They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be ...

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

There was once a horse with the most illustrious and flowing mane on the planet

Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it's neighbelline.

If you like Saturn so much

Then why don’t you become an astrophysicist and engineer, study it in depth, design new craft to fly there and examine the planet, write multiple research papers, give regular talks and become the worlds leading expert on Saturn.

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

Common sense

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astrono...

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

My friend told me that America has 50 states I said no

Scientists found out that Pluto isn’t a planet so we got 49 dumbass

Aliens finally visit the earth

And they're talking about their civilization and planes in universe with a human representative, the subject of Jesus gets mentioned

Aliens: Oh yes, he often visits our planet every now and then

HR: He does? He never came a second time to ours

Aliens: Well, he must not have like...

I dont see why we need to leave our planet in a better state for future generations

The current generation cant get out of middle school before dying off.

What happens when you win a lawsuit against Planet Fitness?

Heads explode because you've just won a judgement against the judgement free zone.

My folks went to a planet with no bilateral symmetry

And all they brought me was this lousy F-shirt.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

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Why are the planets scared of Jupiter?

Jupiter Saturn Uranus.

A Serpent Guard, a Horus Guard and a Setesh Guard meet on a neutral planet.

It is a tense moment.

The Serpent Guard's eyes glow, the Horus Guard's beak glistens, the Setesh Guard's... nose drips.

An old man is on his deathbed...

... and calls his grandson over.



"Johnny, my boy. I want you to know that long ago I buried a fortune."



"Where, grandpa, where?"



"In the earth, 4 feet deep..."



"Grandpa, please be more precise!"



"The Earth. The third planet i...

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

Donald Trump heard about the Area 51 raid today and he said he wants to go.

He said, "if there are illegal aliens there I want to find them and send them back to their own planet."

In one far away planet...

There is a substance called ‘nue’. Once something falls in it, it can’t get out and will sink and suffocate. There was once a woman who owned a cat, and one day she insulted someone- but she didn’t know they were a super villain. So, the villain, being a villain, took her to his secret base, stole h...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

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People all over the planet have started ejaculating mysteriously.

What is this world coming to?

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Our planet has no boobs or ass

Therefore, the Earth is flat

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Why doesn't NASA sends probes to the seventh planet?

What will it announce:"WE'RE LAUNCHING FOR URANUS!!!"

A boy scout and a nerd go for camping

They slept inside their tent but in the middle of the night the boy scout wakes up the nerd and asks him what's above them.
Nerd: A sky full of stars

Boy scout:What does that imply?

Nerd:Obviously it means that the Earth is after all only a small part of the universe and there mig...

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If planet Earth was a human body, the UK would be the colon because everything it touches turns to shit.

That's why it's called Colonization.

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What would Hitler call a gas planet, if he found one?

JewPiter.

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What’s Hitlers’ favourite planet?

Jewpiter.

Want to know why?

Because it’s a gas planet.

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If all the people were like redditors we would have a much better planet.

Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best .

P.S.A - Do recycle ♻

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What planet follows Jesus ?

The Jew Peter

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What planet stinks?

Ur anus

Saturn is the worst planet ever.

Whenever it takes a bath, it always leaves a ring.

The biggest planet ever was found recently. The named it,

Urmum

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Are you ready to have only 7 planets left?

Because im about to destroy Uranus.

C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo are taken prisoner on an alien planet

The Millennium Falcon had to make an emergency stop on an uncharted planet. The trio is greeted by a hostile alien race and placed in a horrendous prison.

After some time they are taken in the night to some kind of tribunal where they are told that all outsiders are regarded as evil demons an...

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How come all the other planets are named after cool stuff like gods?

Meanwhile, Earth is named after that dirty shit on the ground.

Why haven’t aliens gone to our planet yet

They saw it had one star

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The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

There are 10 types of people on this planet..

Those who understand binary amd those who don't.

r/communism is the one of the biggest jokes on the planet, second only to

communism itself.

TIL that with every breath I take, about 4 people on this planet die.

I wonder if I should try a different toothpaste.

The worst joke on the planet.

I bought a playstation 4.

The Xbox 1 X broke it.

SO I called the ambulance

The sound it made was

***WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U***

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i’ve just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.

Its over 2000 pages long.

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Aliens may in fact be pro bono proctologists from another planet

Uranus , possibly

"If I had to compare you're body with a planet, I would pick Earth."

-Daniel Shenton, head of the Flat Earth Society

I met a tiny, alien robot that looked like a small bug. He told me his friends escaped their home planet, and found a home here. He was confident that his race would be OK.

He was Optimus Tick

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

What if the real reason aliens don't visit us is because...

...we're a one star planet?

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

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