The 115+ Best Planet Jokes

Q: What's a space pirate's favorite planet?

A: mArrrs!

In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah....

But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

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If I could have sex with any person on the planet

I would

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Did you know that every planet in our solar system is named after a god?

Except Earth...which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

Did you know the Illuminati once bought pizza for every single person on the planet?

And if the rumours are true, they’re gonna do it again, it’s gonna be a new world order.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

Why haven’t aliens visited our planet yet?

They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!

People who copy jokes are the worst people on the planet.

So anyways, why did the chicken cross the road?

Earth is the third planet from the sun.

By this logic, all countries are third world countries

Did you know that Chewbacca's brother Pannubacca died when Princess Leia's home planet was destroyed?

Pannub, as his friends called him, had never had much luck with the ladies and was horribly shy due to his terribly crooked teeth. After years of loneliness Pannub decided to do something about his problem and flew to Leia's planet, which everyone knows was well known for their excellent orthodontis...

Which planet appears largest in a telescope?

Earth

What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes.

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If all people were like Redditors, we would have a better planet

Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best .

P.S.A - Do recycle ♻

/r/Jokes/ wins Friend of the Planet award!

for 95% recycled content.

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

The entire crew of the first manned mission to Jupiter died upon reaching the planet...

I guess nobody quite understood the gravity of the situation.

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If there is earth on planet Earth, why aren't there Jews on Jupiter?

Because it's a gas planet.

Reddit has become great for the planet

Almost all content is now post-consumer recycled

Earth day joke: is the planet round or flat?

Neither, it is screwed.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

There must be another planet somewhere with worms.

Otherwise why would we call ours “Earth” worms

Planet Vegeta should've never been destroyed

I'm just Saiyan

In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully.

Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth...wasn't. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his wife:

"Mary...I've not much time left. So I...

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?

Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupi...

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate?

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope excla...

Did you hear about the candy vehicles from another planet?

They were Mars Bars Mars Cars

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The 7th planet should be a moon

Because it's Uranus.

(This is an unprovoked joke from my 7 year daughter who is drawing pictures of planets in her coloring book. I thought its was clever)

The first planet to win a Nobel Prize?

Marie Curie

My folks went to a planet where there was five-fold radial symmetry

And all they brought me was this lousy \*-shirt.

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Did you guys know tomorrow they’ll only be 7 planets left?

Because tonight I’m destroying Uranus!

Our planet successfully played most notes on the piano.

But it couldn't B flat.

Why are hyenas the healthiest animals on the planet?

Because laughter is the best medicine.

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People all over the planet have started ejaculating mysteriously.

What is this world coming to?

The planet earth can't possibly be flat.

If it was cats would have pushed everything not nailed down off the edge.

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What planet smells the worst?

Poopiter.

This joke courtesy of my 7 year old son. He was very proud of it.

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A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

What did Earth say to the other planets?

Wow. You guys have no life.

There are 2 types of people on this planet

Those who can extrapolate omitted data using existing data.

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Two planets meet on the milky way.

One says: You look much better. Did you find something against your homo sapiens?
The other answers: My doctor is still experimenting with viruses. But it seems to get better.

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An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into th...

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The scientific community has finally agreed to rename the planet Uranus

to Urmama

Aliens invade the planet

Aliens invade the planet and take every living being prisoner and contains them in a facilty. The aliens then set up machines here and there which are similar to vending machines but they dispense any animal/human/living thing which they keep as pets. The living being requested is random so it's a f...

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

Why Jesus doesn't come back

An extraterrestrial landed his flying saucer in a man's back yard. The man came out and the two started talking. Eventually, the man asked the extraterrestrial if they knew about Jesus on his planet.

"Oh, yes," said the alien. "We know Jesus very well. In fact, he visits our world e...

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What's Hitler's least favorite planet?

Jewpiter.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

There are two types of people on the planet...

Those who can extrapolate information based upon the given context

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No Sex Tonight!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?

I come in pieces.

Two Aliens come to our Planet

They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don't stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers th...

What do you call someone who is crazy about protecting the planet?

Enviro Mental.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.

It's a Thor subject for them.

They say one out of every 5 people on the planet is Chinese.

The thing is, there’s 5 people in my family. On of us must be Chinese.
I know it can’t be me. I’m pretty sure it’s not my mon or dad.
That leaves my brothers: Shawn, and Zhang Wei.

Whispers: *I think it’s Shawn...*

We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"

maybe then republicans would want to save it.

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

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Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...

US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.

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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet

It was to reinstate Pluto.

Why can't Superman attend the Daily Planet meeting?

Because Clark Can't.

I wanted to make a joke about the planet not being a globe but...

it fell flat

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What would Hitler call a gas planet, if he found one?

JewPiter.

Why is a planet that is earthquake-free so awesome?

Because it’s crack-a-lackin’

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Hey baby, there is only gonna be 7 planets soon...

Because I'm gonna destroy Uranus

Why is milk the fastest liquid on the Planet?

It’s PASTEURISED before you even see it!

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On October 31st, we will have a full moon, and the 7th planet from the sun will be its brightest...

So when someone sees the moon that day, they will likely see Uranus too...

What do you call an undiscovered planet?

I don’t know... It doesn’t have a name yet.

What did the meteor say to the planet?

Lemme smash

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Aliens are coming to take everyone with big dicks back to their home planet.

I just wanted to say goodbye.

I asked my German friend how many planets in our Solar System

Surprisingly he said "Nine"

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The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet...

"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing.

"One in six of them likes it."

Why did the planets fall in love with the sun?

Because gravity attracts everything

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

There was an astronaut who landed on an alien planet inhabited by several beautiful women.

When he climbed out of his spaceship, he was approached by the women, who were all some 20 feet taller. One came up to him and asked, ‘I suppose you want to see the leader?’ The astronaut looked up at her, and replied:

“’Take me to your ladder. I’ll see your leader later.’”

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?

He was out standing in his field

How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?

He reached ESCAPE VELOCITY

How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

What do you call an orgy between planets?

The Big Bang.

A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment.

The serpent guard’s eyes glow. The Horus guard’s beak glistens. The Setesh guard’s nose drips.

There’s one thing that if every human did could save our planet...

commit suicide.

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

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There's only 7 planets left now.

Ever since that guy totally destroyed Uranus.

Many of my friends worry about little piles of rocks they have stashed all over the planet, but not me...

...I don't have a cairn in the world.

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

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What do you call a creature from another planet with an unknown number of breasts?

An alien N-titty.

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There's only gonna be seven planets in the sky tonight!

"Why? There's eight planets." She said with a look that only someone truly offended can give you. Our hero and Random Girl #24 talked for hours about space, planets, and stars until they both were well aquatinted with one another. She was leaning on his shoulder and then asked again, "why'd you say ...

An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.

Alien Scout: “Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.”

Alien Commander: “This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?”

Alien Scout: “Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.”

Why is pluto (1185km) not a planet...

but Bruno Mars (1.65m) is a star?

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

The boy who would become the anti-Christ has already been born in our planet...

Fortunately, his mom was an anti-vaxxer and died at the age of 6 from the measles.

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Pornhub promised to plant 1 tree for every 100 views. Guess what I will do.

I will single handedly save the plant.

Times were tough at the Daily Planet and Perry White was forced to fire a star reporter. Either Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

He struggled making a decision for days until he went to the grocery store and saw a sign. The next day he called both of them into his office where fired Lois Lane. After she left, Clark Kent asked him, "Perry, how did you decide which of us to fire?" He replied, "I couldn't make a decision until I...

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The science teacher asked Johnny, "What is your favorite planet, Johnny?"

"Hmm..." Johnny thought, as the classmates started to laugh.

"Please don't say it," the teacher sighed.

"I was gonna say Mars," said Johnny "but Uranus looks good too!"

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

I hope Planet Fitness really is a judgement free zone

Gonna be taking my dumps there for the next couple weeks.

What would you call Captain Planet if he fought ghosts instead of eco-terrorists?

Captain Planchette.

Saturn is a really catchy name for a planet.

It has a ring to it.

My friend is the most average person on the planet yet he loves to go around judging and criticising other people

He's really mean

What is the most relaxing planet?

Naptune

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

There was once a horse with the most illustrious and flowing mane on the planet

Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it's neighbelline.

“Hey man do you want to watch Planet of the Apes?”

“Seen it.”

“Ok how about *The Shining*?”

“Watched it.”

“Ok how about *Reposts*?”

“Reddit.”

Switzerland is arguably one of the best countries on the planet

The Alps are pretty cool, and the flag is a big plus.

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As of this year, there are no virgins left on this planet

2020 has fucked us all.

What are the three funkiest elements on the planet?

Earth, wind & fire.

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What planet stinks?

Ur anus

An alien’s report to finding a planet with 7.5 billion dead.

“They’re all dead but their assess are spotless, sir.”

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