A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

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Last week I had to see the doctor to have a mole removed from my penis.

The lesson here is don't try to have sex with a mole.

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I Just had a mole removed from my penis.

The animal shelter said if it happens again they’re going to press charges.

Look down a mole hole, what do you see?

Molasses.

My wife told me that the cats killed a mole and left it on our porch.

After some investigation, I informed her that it in fact appeared to be a shrewicide.

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I've got to go to hospital tomorrow to have a mole removed from the end of my cock,

That's the last time I try and fuck one of those.

A family of moles lived on a farm.

One morning, they wake up to the smell of fresh hot pancakes. The papa mole sticks his head up out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The mama mole sticks her head up out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The baby mole tries to stick his head up out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the o...

A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow

Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is it brown sugar?"

Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, "No I don't think so. Smells like vanilla to me."

The baby mole still in the burrow says "I don't know what you guys are talking about. ...

The other day I asked my doctor if my mole was normal

The mole told my doctor he was, so I'm not too worried about it

What has 6.022 x 10^23 molecules and makes a great breakfast?

Avogadro toast

If a mole working within the FBI were to come up with a joke what kind would it be?

An inside joke.

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

What do you call a mole that doesn't feel pain?

A Paracetamole

Why was the mole’s rental fee so costly?

Because he burrowed and never returned

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My friend went to the doctor to have a large mole removed from his penis.

The doctors said that if this happens again, they are calling the cops.

A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.

There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced “I smell milk and honey!” The mother mole followed close behind him, took a...

Mr. Mole told Mrs. Mole he would have to work late at the bakery.

He comes home and she is furious. She says don't lie to me …
you were at the Bottoms Up bar getting lap dances from the female mole dancers! He said "why would you say that?" She exclaimed "Because your clothes smell like molasses.

I never used to like moles.

But now they’ve started growing on me.

A family of moles lives in a hole outside a farm...

Then one morning as the farmer was cooking breakfast, the daddy mole stuck his head out of the hole and said "Mmmm I smell bacon" then the mommy mole stuck her head out of the hole and said "Mmmm I smell pancakes" the little baby mole was curious and tried SO HARD to hop up so he can smell what ever...

The Mole family

Sorry if it's a repost... There are too many jokes to check them all.

So here goes..

Early one morning, mama mole woke and thought "I smell pancakes and syrup." So she climbed up the tunnel and stuck her nose out of the mole hole to enjoy the aroma. Papa mole followed and squeezed next...

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

Three moles dig their way to IHOP

The first mole pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmm I smell pancakes!"
The second moles pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmmm I smell coffee!"
The third mops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "all I smell is molasses.."

Joke in honor of mole day

Three moles are going through the ground looking for food.
The first mole pops up out of the ground and sniffs around.
He says "hey guys I think were getting close I smell some syrup".
The next mole pops up and says "ya we must be a smell some syrup too".
The last mole pops up and says "...

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon?

A mole

There once was a family of moles in their mole hole when one smelled something sweet...

The father mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said "is that honey?" So the mother mole squeezed through the hole next to the father and smelled "that may be maple syrup! It smells so wonderful!" The baby mole, wanting to see what all the commotion was about, frustratingly couldn't fit betw...

I used to hate my mole.

But you know what? It's growing on me.

A man found a mole on his arm one day.

He'd never seen it before, but he wasn't the most attentive person, so he let it alone. A week passed. Eventually, that mole began to grow, and seemed to bleed into the skin around it. The man asked his wife about it, and she said he should probably get it checked out, but he ignored the advice, ass...

Why did the 22140857×10^23 molecules of Methyl Acetate go to jail?

It was a Mole-Ester!

Quality control at a Whack-a-Mole factory

...Is either hit or miss

I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out.

I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.

It's been a long hard winter for Mr. And Mrs. Mole...

It's been cold and dark and, well, dank, down in their molehill. Baby Mole is too young to remember the warm days of spring.
One fine morning in March a breeze from above wafts through the burrow. "Do you smell that?" cries Mr. Mole as he scurries up the narrow tunnel to the entrance to the bur...

What game are the mafia best at?

Whack-A-Mole

Why does the Sweet-toothed Mole have such a powerful sense of smell?

So it can detect mole asses from a distance.

There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole

The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He tak...

Two moles

Two moles are going down a tunnel. The one behind says: I think I smell molasses.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

How do you stop a mole from digging?

Take his shovel away

A pirate walks into a doctor's surgery.

"Avast, sawbones," he growls, "I wants ye to look at the moles on me back. I think they might be of the cancerin' kind."

The doctor has a look at the pirate's back.
"It's OK," he says, "they're benign."


"Arrr... look again," says the pirate, "I'm pretty sure there be ten."

A mole family wakes up one morning.

The father mole stretches, climbs up to the edge of the hole, and exclaims, "it smells just like syrup out here!" The mama mole squeezes up next to him and says "well I'll be, it *does* smell like syrup!" Then the little baby mole tries to push his way to the hole but his mom and dad are completely ...

So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...

The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"

Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in ...

What does 2 letter E's, a mole and a pit have to do with eachother

I don't know, but hole-e mole-e is that a combo

Mole family and farmer Davis

There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis.

One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin.

Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the ent...

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?

They both live underground. Except for the eagle.

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

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A Tale of 3 moles

There once was three moles, a mama mole, a daddy mole and a baby mole. They all lived in a mole hole, together.
One day the daddy mole smelled a wonderful smell coming from outside the mole hole.
Daddy mole went and poked his little head out of the mole hole. He thought to himself, " wow, tha...

Ripped a mole off my face today...

Gotta stop looking down gopher holes...

What's the difference between a priest and a cryogenics researcher?

Only one of them is a chilled mole tester.

Shamelessly stolen

A momma mole, pappa mole and baby mole were all in their mounds relaxing. The pappa mole popped his head out, and said "It smells like honey up here!"
The momma mole then popped her head out and said "No, it smells like syrup up here."
The baby mole wanted to pop his head out, but there wasn...

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

What does the Pope order in a Mexican restaurant?

Holy mole

What's the slowest-moving body part in the entire animal kingdom?

Mole Asses.

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Twins

I told my friend that I have been fucking a couple of twins lately and the sex is AMAZING.

He was curious and asked " How do you tell them apart?"

"It's easy! Anna has a mole on her left butt cheek and Robert has a 9" cock."

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What did the dermatologist say to his patient that was on the sex offenders list?

That's a mole Lester

After a burglary a store owner calls the police

After a burglary a store owner calls the police. After they arrive one officer takes the owner aside to ask about what happened:

"How tall was the perp'", the officer asked.
"He was about six foot", the owner replied.

"Did he have any distinguishing characteristics?"
"Well, he di...

A pirate goes to the doctor..

'Thar be strange moles on me back'
Doctors has a look.
'They're benign'
'Check again matey,I counted 10'

3 Men go to Heaven

3 Men go to Heaven. There, they see a huge wonderland, with trees, flowers, and beautiful wild animals. Before they're allowed in, God explains to them the one rule- don't step on the rocks. The three men are confused but happily accept this.
On the first day, two of them wake up to the other ...

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

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[Long] My buddy and I were out fishing, when suddenly our boat sank

We both drowned, and I woke up in hell. I see a giant creature slowly walking towards me, when I realize it's the devil himself.

"Welcome to hell!" he yells at me, while guiding me along a long corridor.

"What the hell Satan, why did I end up down here?!" I yelled at him.

"I've...

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

The Ladies Department

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of  the largest department store chains.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the  counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?"  asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more tha...

Favorite color

me: How are you

her: I'm fine

me: So what's your favorite colour?

her: Ohh please stop asking stupid
questions. Ask me something logical
and matured.

me: How many moles of Sodium
bicarbonate are needed to neutralise
0.8 ml of Sulphuric Acid at STP...

he...

What is Avogadro's favorite dip?

Guaca-mole

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The Bet

Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to ke...

A guy takes a girl to the state fair for their first date.

The guy asks her what she wants to do, she says, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weighing booth, where the worker attempts to guess her weight. He guesses wrong the first time, and she gets a teddy bear.

They get some funnel cake and play whack-a-mole, until the guy asks again, "I'...

My chemistry class had a party

My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

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2 Guys At A Urinal NSFW

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being ...

As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits

I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.

Whats Avogadro's favorite arcade game?

Wack a mole.

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Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly...

The religion of bras.

There are basically 3 types of bras for women that can be described in religious terms.

There's the Catholic bra: it holds the masses.

There's the Salvation Army bra: it uplifts the downtrodden.

There's the Baptist bra: it makes mountains out of mole-hills.

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

Why was Avogadro executed?

He was a mole

What's Avagodro's favorite type of dip?

GuacaMOLE

How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major?

They have a mole on their body.

What is an avocado's favorite game to play?

Guack-a-mole!

I'm about to be a dad so this seemed fitting for my first post :)

What do you call someone who has 6.02 * 10^23 dollars?

A mole-ionaire.

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Charlie and Jason are at the zoo...

...And Jason decided he wanted to see the gorillas. Charlie decided he wants to see the naked mole rats, so they go their separate ways.

Jason walked up to the gorilla cage to see the gorilla staring at him. Jason laughed and waved at the animal jokingly. To his surprise, the gorilla waved ba...

What material should you never use to create or build with?

Tin that was mined by moles. Anything you make with it melts immediately.

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A man on a date

A guy is sitting at a bar, there's music blasting. Across from him is the most stunning women he's ever seen and she's giving him the eye.
He buys her a drink and comes over.
They seem to be getting on fantastically, and she's so beautiful everyone in the place is jealous.

Suddenly she...

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

Why I Consider Myself A Jokester

Jokes are much more acceptable in society than moles.

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