Wolverine Jokes - 31 Hilarious Wolverine Jokes

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.

D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?

W: You loc...

You can tell that Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American

His superpower is healthcare

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

Daniel Radcliffe would make a good Wolverine

Wolverine’s short and hairy; Daniel is short and Harry.

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Wolverine has only masturbated once

It was shortly before he became an Xman

What do Caitlyn Jenner and Wolverine have in common?

They are both X-Men.

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It’s a huge act, man..

What’s the difference between Wolverine and Paul Bunyan?

One’s a Hugh Jackman, the other is a huge ax man.

My dad is just like Wolverine.

Dead.

If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life....

Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine?

"Sir" from a distance.

What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment?

He used a huge axe, man.

What are Wolverine's favorite type of cookie?

SNIKT-doodles

After much consideration, I do not believe Wolverine in the X-Men movies is real.

It's obviously just a huge act, man.

For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter.

I guess she is claw-straw-phobic...

Wolverine cannot become a muslim.

It grows back!

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Wolverine can chop off his dick and it will grow back.

He’ll never be an ex man.

What kind of fleshy fruit does Wolverine like in his pie?

The loganberry.

What do you call Wolverine post-op?

An x-man.

Wolverine and a lawyer walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "No claws, please!"

They both leave.

If the last Wolverine movie is a cross country chase...

then why isn't it called Logan's Run?

Why was Wolverine (from the X-Men) fired from the law firm?

Because he forgot to read the contract claws.

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

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Professor Xavier and Magneto walk into a bar

Wolverine tells them to go fuck themselves

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The Russian Winter

One cold winter night in Russia, a small sparrow was wandering along the middle of a snowy road looking for warmth. After many hours of struggling through the frozen wasteland, it finally collapsed in the middle of the rode and began to freeze to death.

Just as the bird was about to lose cons...

Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Cyclops heard of the birth of Jesus and decided to pay him a visit

They had travelled many miles following a star, until they came to Bethlehem.

Finally, the found the stable wherein the tiny baby lay in a manger, watched over by his mother Mary.

They knelt before the babe and asked of his mother, "May we worship the holy child?"

Sadly she s...

My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman.

Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine.

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Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More mov...

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X-men get captured.

Wolverine, Cyclops, and Magneto are captured by Mr. Sinister. As they regain consciousness they realize they are naked with their testicles in a vibranium clamp hanging from a vibranium chain that is slowly being lifted to the ceiling. As they realize they are about to be painfully suspended only by...

Who is your favorite X-Man?

I like Wolverine but Bruce Jenner is a close second.

Cold War Dog Fight

During the Cold War, the Soviets and the Americans decided that nuclear brinkmanship was not sustainable. So they agreed to settle the question of world hegemony once and for all with a good old-fashioned dog fight - the parties had one year to prepare.

The top scientist of both nations worke...

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