Why are there no cats on Mars?

Because Curiosity killed them all.

Mars: I’m wet.

NASA: I’m coming over.

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

Why are there no cats on mars?

Because curiosity killed them

How do you organise a war between Earth and Mars?

Planet.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

Why did Elon Musk fail to go to Mars

Because he is very down to Earth

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

What’s the difference between the Mars Rover and me?

It actually contributed towards society :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did SpaceX go to Mars?

Because SpaceY already went to Uranus.

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spy

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
<...

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These trick or treaters seem to get older every year, just had two at the door now asking for money.

Costumes were good though, they were dressed as bailiffs.



I gave them a Mars bar each and told them to fuck off.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

Just heard NASA shutdown operations to the Mars rover.

Wasted opportunity!

Mars Opportunity rover was meant to last 90 days, but the fact that it lasted around 15 years shows that ..

Oppy was OP

A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.

The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.

A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "

Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "

...

On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...

But this time it hits something.

The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.

Curiosity killed a cat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People from earth are called Earthlings.

People from Mars are called Martians.

People from Uranus are called Assholes.

How does NASA check if there is life on mars?

They go there and see if “local girls in your area dying to meet you” ad pops up.

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A racist, a rapist, and a President walk into a bar...

...in Mar-a-Lago. The bartender says, "Good Morning Donald, all by yourself today?"

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

What happens when Taoiseach Leo Varadkar orders a probe be sent to Mars?

They launch the Irish Rovers.

People have been assuming I'm smart when they see my glasses case

but it's not until they see I store a mars bar in it they realise my true genius .

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...

A cardiologist in a small town died

He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his funeral. The doctor wanted to be cremated so there were a big red heart in one of the walls that open in half revealing a cremation oven behind and the casket was slowly entered into the oven through the open heart....

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

Did you hear about the restaurant on mars?

The food was amazing, but the atmosphere wasn’t that great.

Where do Martians drink beer?

At a Mars Bar.

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

My friend at NASA told me he was very satisfied to discover a lake on Mars.

He told me it was always a wet dream of his.

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.


(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning, along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

Scientists are baffled by cat remains on Mars..

You can guess who killed them.

What do you call pubs on Mars?

Mars bars.

A Mars rover barged into my house. I knew it was Spirit

because Opportunity knocks.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

What did Manafort say when he bumped into trump at Mar-a-lago?

“Pardon me.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

What do you call it when you get your Mars rover stuck in a crater?

A fourth world problem.

Donald Trump invites Obama, George W Bush and Bill Clinton to Mar-a-Lago for a President's weekend.

They decide to play volleyball, Democrats vs Republicans. As they walk to the court, Bush asks Trump, "I gotta ask, why didn't you release your tax returns?" Trump replied, "Well, I was going to eventually, but as the public became more demanding I felt like caving in to that kind of pressure would ...

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

I told Elon Musk a joke about mars...

he said it was terable.

Mars magnetic field is increasing for the first time in millions of years

For a total of one Tesla!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When we were kids, girls would say "boys to go Jupiter to get more stupider"

Little did they know, the girls would go to Mars to grow up to become Instagram pornstars.

People say Mars is neutral waters

but last time I checked it was a *red state*

I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars.

I'm guaranteed to find water.

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

How far is Mars from Earth?

A few CVS receipts away

By launching a Tesla to Mars Space X has accomplished the primary goal of the Boring Company.

Avoiding LA traffic!

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

An old woman took a taxi, and every now and then she gives the taxi driver some almonds, the taxi driver was really thankful and wanted to compliment her so he said "you took good care of your teeth to be able to eat almonds at this age", and the old woman replied:

"Oh no they're all gone, I'm just eating a mars bar, I lick off the chocolate and give you the almonds"

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

Yo momma's privates are like Mars...

It took a team of scientists decades to find moisture on it.

Why is it not a good idea to send cats to Mars?

Because Curiosity would kill them!

The year 2050: "Hey honey, want to go to mars today?"

Nah, I don't like the atmosphere.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.