UPJOKE
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If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.
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Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.
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So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...
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So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

Mars: I'm wet...

NASA: I'm coming!
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They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
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Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
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Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque
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Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship

### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
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Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were sitting at a bar talking about where they were from.



The bartender said, "Hey - you two should write a book!"
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Why are there no cats on Mars?

Curiosity killed them all
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Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over
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I believe I could live on Mars

But for like a couple of weeks tops.
There's very little nutritional value and the sugar will destroy my teeth
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Lands on Mars

NASA's robot Curiosity lands on Mars. After thorough searching, it found no porn, no beer, no girly magazines, and no big screen TVs.

This makes it very clear, that men aren't from Mars.

Elon Musk new plan for Mars colonization will include only registered Republicans.

He is going to make it the true red planet.
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"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.
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Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...
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I've lived on Mars for years

However, only eating chocolate has taken a toll on my health
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The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'
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the Mars rover used to be coded in C

Now it's coated in Rust.
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News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.
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Sometimes I randomly shout out Bruno Mars lyrics

Don’t believe me? Just watch!
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A Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars

I was once at a pub and saw a Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars;
It was getting late, so I asked him for the time.
To which, he replied:
"Yarr, don't believe me wristwatch."

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!
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NASA Just found water on mars

Mars-1


Africa-0
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Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
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Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat
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Why did Trump take documents about classified nuclear programs to Mar-a-Lago?

He was just Putin them somewhere safe.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars??

Great food, horrible atmosphere.
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Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ...
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Elon Musk wants to send people to mars

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.
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TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.
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A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.
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Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.
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If they really want to find water on Mars..

Just send my pops up there to golf.
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Trump will move to Mar-a-Lago once his tax returns go public

That will be his last resort
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What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.
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NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.
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Headline: Dead Cat Discovered on Mars

Looks like Curiosity kiiled the cat.
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Why can't Mars and Venus kiss?

Because they live a World apart.
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How to get man on mars:

Tell America there's oil there.
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Two golfers are having a conversation in the clubhouse.

They are discussing the possibility of there being water on Mars. Things are getting heated.

The first golfer says, "There's definitely water on Mars!" He proceeds to rattle off information from NASA and recent observations from the Mars rover.

The second golfer exclaims, "That's BS. T...
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I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.
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We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.
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What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic
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We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!
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What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.
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Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Kids are from Uranus

Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.
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A large university class is taking the final exam…

…about 300 students are writing away in their blue books and the professor warns two minutes til pencils down. Then one minute. Then he calls out that the exam is over, please stop writing.

As the body of students slowly lines up to turn in their exams, one student keeps writing. The professo...
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Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.
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Why did SpaceX go to Mars

Becuase SpaceY already went to Uranus

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?
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We've sent multiple rovers too mars but mars hasn't sent any back.

It's about time we play red rover with another planet
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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats
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Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.
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NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...
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Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...
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I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.
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The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.
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Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.
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Martinis are like breasts.

One's not enough and three are too many.

So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars...

It is his Sol endeavor.
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What do you call another word for Mars Candy filled with cinnamon?

A Cinnamon M&M Synonym
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Que dijo un mar al otro?

ola
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Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later
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I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.
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30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.
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So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.
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Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.
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How far is Mars from Earth?

A few CVS receipts away
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India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...
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NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army
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America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...
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BREAKING NEWS: Elon Musk Announces All SpaceX Flights To Mars Cancelled

Martian officials say borders closed until CoronaVirus is under control.
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My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."
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Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)
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Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet
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How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.
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Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.
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