Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

Why are there no cats on mars?

Because curiosity killed them

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

Why did Elon Musk fail to go to Mars

Because he is very down to Earth

How do you organise a war between Earth and Mars?

Planet.

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did SpaceX go to Mars?

Because SpaceY already went to Uranus.

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.

There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the...

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

If we find a dead feline on mars

We won’t be sure but Curiosity may have killed the cat

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

Just heard NASA shutdown operations to the Mars rover.

Wasted opportunity!

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.

The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.

A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "

Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "

...

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...

But this time it hits something.

The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.

Curiosity killed a cat

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

How does NASA check if there is life on mars?

They go there and see if “local girls in your area dying to meet you” ad pops up.

Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Mars: I'm wet...

NASA: I'm coming!

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

What happens when Taoiseach Leo Varadkar orders a probe be sent to Mars?

They launch the Irish Rovers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

F...

India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

Did you hear about the restaurant on mars?

The food was amazing, but the atmosphere wasn’t that great.

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars.

I'm guaranteed to find water.

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

A Mars rover barged into my house. I knew it was Spirit

because Opportunity knocks.

Scientists are baffled by cat remains on Mars..

You can guess who killed them.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

What did Manafort say when he bumped into trump at Mar-a-lago?

“Pardon me.”

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.


(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning, along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

What did Michael Cohen say when he bumped into trump at Mar a Lago last week?

Pardon me Mr. President.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

The US Government will be very supportive of NASA's efforts to put humans on Mars.

The only thing NASA has to do is declare war on Mars!

I don't like jam

but my marmite

Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide.

Donald Trump invites Obama, George W Bush and Bill Clinton to Mar-a-Lago for a President's weekend.

They decide to play volleyball, Democrats vs Republicans. As they walk to the court, Bush asks Trump, "I gotta ask, why didn't you release your tax returns?" Trump replied, "Well, I was going to eventually, but as the public became more demanding I felt like caving in to that kind of pressure would ...

What do you call it when you get your Mars rover stuck in a crater?

A fourth world problem.

Mars magnetic field is increasing for the first time in millions of years

For a total of one Tesla!

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

I told Elon Musk a joke about mars...

he said it was terable.

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

People say Mars is neutral waters

but last time I checked it was a *red state*

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

How far is Mars from Earth?

A few CVS receipts away

They’ve written a sequel to The Martian where a hundred rescuers attempt to rescue a stranded man on mars, only to fail.

It’s title.

101 Dull Martians

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

Why is it not a good idea to send cats to Mars?

Because Curiosity would kill them!

The year 2050: "Hey honey, want to go to mars today?"

Nah, I don't like the atmosphere.

Yo momma's privates are like Mars...

It took a team of scientists decades to find moisture on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People from earth are called Earthlings.

People from Mars are called Martians.

People from Uranus are called Assholes.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.