Can someone explain this joke to me?



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A Man Walks Into a Bar...

he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"
The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."
The man reaches...

The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.

The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."

The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t...

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters,

completely harmless until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

My friend said, “I really need to go home and feed my baby hamsters.”

Me: That’s a terrible diet for a baby.

A child was continually asking his Mom to buy him a hamster.

When she did, the child looked after it for a couple of days, but soon he got bored, and it became the Mom's responsibility to feed it.
One day she got upset with the her son's carelessness and asked him, "How many times do you think this hamster would have died until now, if I hadn't been look...

Why are cigrattes and hamsters similar

There both pretty safe until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know a hamsters anus can stretch twice the width of its own body size?

Once.

What are the similarities between a hamster and an antivaxer's kid?

They both only live for five years.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ernie the Hamster

I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:


Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious,


Dad....

Where does a rodent gets his dope?

Hamsterdam 😂

Be gentle, my first one here on reddit;)

I drove my daughter's hamster to the vet this morning.

I'm getting rather good at golf

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know that hamsters die after having sex?

The one I fucked did anyway.

I walked into the pet shop this morning and said to the cashier, "I bought two hamsters from you yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, they were both dead!" She frowned and replied, "I warned you about the hot weather. Did you give them plenty of water like I suggested?"

"Yes, I filled their tank right to the top."

I told my son that I found his hamster.

He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.

I was wondering why my hamster was so fat...

Then it became a parent.

I just returned my pet hamster.

I'm starting to think we should have used a tennis ball.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I named my hamster Awesome

Now I can say I'm fucking awesome

My little Hamster is such a laugh!!

He just stays in there on that circle thing going round and round and round for ages until ...

*DING* Then I take him out of the Microwave.

A mother brings another hamster home to her son. Excited, he runs to his father and says...

"Papua, New Guinea pig!"

"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."

"OK..." he hesitated.

"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.

"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."

"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.

"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"

I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."

Hamster PickUp Line?

If I was a Hamster, and I met a female hamster I liked...id say "Aye Girl, You From Amsterdam? Cause Hamster Damn!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

First Time Poster, Go easy on me ... "Hamster"

So.. A guy walks into bar and takes a seat ....

The Barman approaches and says what are you having boss?

The Man replies .. I don't have any money pal ...

Barman says if you don't have any money you can stay here ...

The guy says ...what if i told you i have a hamster th...

I was afraid that I had stepped on my child's hamster this morning...

... but laughed when I double checked. I had just tripped on a little puddle of blood and fur.

Hamster act

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, will you let me drink for free tonight?"

The bartender says, "Let me see and I'll consider it."

So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The ha...

Where do hamsters go to smoke pot?

Hamsterdam

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dead Hamster

Mom: The kid's hamster died today

Dad: We should observe a moment of silence

Mom: Wow I didn't know you'd care so much

Dad: I don't I just want you to SHUT THE FUCK UP !!

My hamster died today

He fell asleep at the wheel

When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster...

Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

A child brings his hamster to the vet...

and the vet says 'i'm sorry, your hamster died'. the child started crying and the mother asked if he was sure and if there was anything he could do.
The vet went to the back brought out a black lab, which proceeded to bark at the hamster with no response.
still not convinced, they requested...

A couple on the first date.

She: What are your hobbies?

He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.

Hamster: And ventriloquism!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why should you wrap your hamster in duct tape?

So it won't explode when you fuck it.

Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?

Can't work it out. But more importantly, where is my hamster?

An angry man is walking through the bazaar with a bear on a leash

And he yells: Where's the guy that sold me a ''hamster'' last week?!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little old lady calls a carpet installation company to redo her living room carpeting...

Mitch arrives, takes measurements and begins work. He pulls out the old carpeting, sands the floor down and lays in the new carpet. It takes all day.

When he's finally done he notices a small lump under the carpet in one corner of the floor. "Ah, fuck. What the hell is this now?" he says. He...

How many hamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A homeless man walks up to a swanky restaurant (long)

He says to the maitre d' 'I'm sorry to bother you but I'm homeless and haven't eaten all day. The smell of food from your kitchen is amazing, would I be able to have dinner here tonight for free?'

Moved though he is, the maitre d' replies that he is sorry and he can't give out free food. 'But...

Carpet Installers

As Bill finished installing the carpet in the lady’s house, he walked through each room to make sure it was done well. In the bedroom he found a frustrated co-worker smashing his hammer into the carpet.

“What’s going on Paul?” he asked. “I must’ve left my cigarettes under the carpet. I’m not ...

A man was installing a wall-to-wall carpet for his neighbor

A man was installing a wall-to-wall carpet for his neighbor who was out of town. He had been working on it for a couple hours, when he noticed a lump in the middle of the carpet. He let out a short huff, walking outside for a cigarette while he thought about what he should do since he'd have to take...

What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands?

An Amsterdam Hamster Dam

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer...

After a few minutes, he says to the bartender, " Hey, if I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, will you give me another beer on the house?"

"We'll see," said the bartender. "I've had a lot of nuts come in here, and I've seen some pretty amazing things in my day."

So the ...

My friend once accused me of boiling my pets

To prove to him that this simply wasn't the case I showed him my hamster, Hamish, alive and well. He then said 'what about the incident with nemo?'

I said don't be ridiculous, that's a whole different kettle of fish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A miserable married guy goes to a pet store.

A miserably married guy decides he needs some companionship.

He goes to a pet store.

The salesman says. "I have a great pet for you. A toothless hamster."

Guy says, "Nah."

The salesman says, "But it gives great head."

The guy takes it home. His wife screams, "...

A man walks into a pet shop

He'd like to buy a pet for his lonely, widowed mother. The shop owner shows him all of the usual stuff,
hamsters, puppies, kittens, etc. and the man tells the owner that he's looking for something unique.

The owner takes him to the back of the shop and introduces him to raggedy looking par...

A talent scout walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and starts talking to the patron next to him, and somehow they start talking about their jobs.

"I'm a talent scout," the scout says, "I'm always looking for the next big act!"

"Really?," says the patron, intrigued. "I've got a fantastic act, more brilliant than anythin...

I hate hipsters

Their vegan diets, whiskery faces, tiny feet, and sawdust bedding. Oh wait, hamsters, I hate hamsters

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was putting carpeting in the house of an old lady

So he spent several hours fitting it, moving the furniture, stretching and stuff. After all the hard work is done he steps back to admire the result, while reaching for his pack of fags to have a well deserved smoke.

Pack is nowhere to be found, but he spots a small bulge in the middle of the...

I'm writinig a book....

It's called *""Pop goes the hamster" and other great microwave games"*

What do we call a wireless mouse?

Hamster.

Source: **Dad**

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)

One day during the war, Hitler gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But Hitler, vhy ze three hamsters". Hitler smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no o...

A guy walks into a bar

With a suitcase in each hand and orders a drink, carefully placing his suitcases on the bar. The barman notices that these suitcases have holes in the top so gets a little curious.
"What's in the suitcases" he asks the guy.
The guy sips his drink and looks slyly at the barman.
"Would you...

Talented Pets

A tramp goes into a bar and says to the barman 'Gimme a shot of your finest whiskey and I'll show you something amazing.'

The barman agrees and the tramp pulls out a hamster from his pocket and puts it on the piano stool. The hamster then begins to play the most incredible music that anyone i...

Three of my favorite bar jokes. Kinda old probably.

1. Horse walks into a bar and the bar tender ask " why the long face"

2. Horse walks into a bar and orders a martini bar tender brings him one and starts to walk away. The horse says wait can I please have a olive in this. Bartender puts a olive in and the horse drinks it and eats the olive ...